An unofficial chapter of the popular Dull Men's Club.
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And I'm a "mitten of toilet paper" type of guy.
Get a bidet attachment. Even at 3 squares per ‘visit’ it will eventually pay for itself. And saving money is very dull.
I realize this is very stupid, but I have some very weird psychological stuff going on when it comes to toilets, what goes into them, etc. And something about bidets really disgusts me. I realize there is absolutely nothing rational about that. It should be the exact opposite.
Do your own thing! Was just a suggestion. I ignored them for years because “how weird is that” but once COVID forced my hand I was like “holy shit could’ve had one of these my whole life”!
But I had a girlfriend who tried it hated it. So they aren’t everyone’s deal for sure.
No, I appreciate it. Honestly, I wish I would be okay with a bidet. I am forever annoyed with how extremely particular my toilet habits have to be to avoid intense anxiety.
We all have our own shit to deal with, no pun intended. I can’t use coffee makers outside my home because I find them disgusting. I can’t drink out of the same water glass twice. Ain’t hurting nobody so who cares? Same applies to you. Don’t feel shame over it! 🤗
A bidet is like a great mattress: when you finally get one, you wonder wtf took you so long.
But unlike a great mattress, a bidet is simple and less than 50 bucks (Canadian even!)
Taking a dump anywhere without a bidet just feels dirty.
Friend started dating a guy. Guy would spend a bunch of time over at friends house. Lo and behold, one day we visit and there’s a new bidet that BF ‘bought for friend’.
We all know BF bought for himself.
Second the bidet. We buy the cheap tp, but it's good enough to dry in just two swipes!
Can you get a picture of a sleeping puppy on your bidet?
Nope. Utterly impossible.
Yeah. I thought science and technology could only bring us so far.
I'd feel especially sorry for what the inanimate sleeping puppy would have to experience.
So you didn't dry off?
Of course I do, but you don’t need the luxury carbon fiber quintuple-ply for that!
I have been trying to talk my wife into getting one for ages. Anyone have a good argument I should try next time?
My favorite glib argument in favor of bidets is "When you get poop on you, do you wipe it off or wash?"
Honestly though they're cheap, easy to install, feel great (clean), and save money. And if she doesn't want to use it she doesn't have to.
Plus you get the joy of hearing the yelp from unexpected cold water on the anuses of your guests when they try it for the first time.
Luxe bidet is the brand I use, nothing fancy to the model I use at all. (Clearly as it's not even warm water.)
I probably should have mentioned we share a bathroom with two kids (small house). So her main concern is that children would play with it. (7 and 2)
Oh.
Yes.
Kids would turn it on and a jet of water would hit the ceiling. Look into other models, hehehehe.
Just get one, put it on and use it yourself, you can get one that spins on the supply line and hangs off the side of the tank for like $40. Once you've started washing your asshole instead of suffering with TP and a constantly dirty chocolate starfish, you'll never go back. She might use it and realize the same.
Why not just get one? I did and my wife is hesitant so she doesn't use it but me having and using it doesn't affect her at all. I think it was only $30 or $40 on Amazon.
Edit: saw your reply about sharing the bathroom with young kids and yes that could easily be an issue.
Yeah if we had our own separate bathroom I’d do it for sure.
Time to convince her to build a poopin' shack out in the backyard.
I use a bidet, then two sets of two squares. First one to get most of the water, the second to clean the crevice. Then, I keep a bunch of white cotton 9"x9" towels folded on top of the reservoir, and use one of those to do a final thorough clean + dry. Toss it in a slim laundry bin I keep in the bathroom just for this purpose. Works great. I honestly think I've stumbled upon the best method for washing ones rear.
You're a fucking 10-ply, bud!
At minimum!
Yep, it's great, isn't it? The koala brand is even better, imho.
You just have to deprogram people who mitten up.
One up, one down, one to polish
Up up up the ziggurat, lickity split!
I can't imagine cleaning yourself with just dry sheets of paper. I wish bidets were available at public restrooms.
Tempo 5-ply is my favourite after extensive testing