What you should focus on experiencing is therapy and self care.
this post was submitted on 16 Jan 2025
-19 points (24.3% liked)
Ask Lemmy
27478 readers
1975 users here now
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either [email protected] or [email protected].
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email [email protected]. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try [email protected] or [email protected]
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Agreed! Love begins with self love. If you can’t accept and love yourself, you’ll never be able to love someone else.
That doesn’t mean you think you’re perfect. Far from it. It means you accept yourself, warts and all, for who you are without judgement. You look for ways to improve what you can, and work with or around what you can’t. Once you’ve learned to do this for yourself, you can begin to do it for others. But it must start with you. There’s no shortcut.
Also, virgins make a bigger deal about virginity than it needs to be. You’re a person. You’ve done some things with other people at some point in your life. Sex is just another thing you do with another person (or people I guess). Love is what makes sex special. Without it, it’s just another thing to do with someone else. Granted it’s a fun thing that feels good, but without love it’s just a thing. Don’t let it become this mountain you have to climb. It isn’t.
What does sex have to do with romance?
Also, are you aromantic? Why won’t you ever experience this?
Yeah, that's definitely a possibility. OP sounds kinda down too.
Check OP's history, it's all complaints/whines as questions.
Yikes.
One of those people who would rather wallow in misery than take responsibility for anything.
Yeah. It just bothers me because you can see so many different people have taken the time to articulate solid suggestions, try to be friendly etc and are, at best, met with a "no." Like, even them complaining about their birthday, so many good people chimed in just to be kind and instead of a thank you or any kind words it's just this petulant "nooooooooo" attitude, except for literally one post where the commenter posits we're all insignificant and going to die.
It's the best and worst of the internet in a single person.
Majority of y'all "doctors" are here just to piss me off and feeling better about yourselves. I didn't asked for help, because you won't tell me anything useful.
How is offering to help you find a licensed mental health professional for free trying to piss you off?
And, more importantly, you keep asking "how do you do X, Y Z?" And people keep taking time to help you out!
Wrong
Ah, well. That was something.
I checked OP's post history and it's fine? I expected way worse based on your comment. He posted like 1 post complaining about games and 1 about mcdonalds. Then it's just random shit and a few questions about not dating. Also one about how much porn is too much porn (that's probably the worst one.) OP sounds sad. What's the issue here?
Oh, just get into some of them. It's usually the same pattern of complaining about their life, people offer help, "not like that."
Eg: https://lemmy.world/comment/14115909
Or: https://lemmy.world/comment/14235653
Or: https://lemmy.world/comment/14385972
Or: https://lemmy.world/comment/13620704
Or: https://lemmy.world/comment/14434981
Or: https://lemmy.world/post/23747812
I think the thing that bugs me is that so many people have taken the time to help in good faith to get a "naw." And the cycle repeats with another whine/question until there's enough pushback, then a couple anodyne questions, then back to the same sad self pity party.
incels gonna do incel things.
"Sure, just work on yourself a bit and you'll do great! We believe in you"
Nah.
Well, okay then, enjoy misery I guess.
I mean, I guess misery at least is easy?
It just seems so wild. This person seems so unhappy but has zero desire to do anything, even when we try to find them free fucking therapy! "Oh no, I might talk to someone who could maybe help me!"
Okay yes I did not read the actual comments lol. I see your point. OP doesn't seem open to feedback.
Not just not open to feedback, but not open to the feedback that he himself solicited!
Nothing. This guy is just feels so high and mighty that needs to grace my existence with his help
You need to get off from me dude.
So you’re going to go meet a beautiful person and initiate romance then?
If you try one of the many free therapy options likely available to you, maybe you'll be able to experience it!
As I've offered before, if you give me a region, I'll happily find you a free mental health service.
Dude, give up
I'm not you, I try.
What do you dislike about the concept of free mental health to help the things that clearly bother you?
Also it's not a bad thing to be a virgin and an adult. It just means that sex will be better the first time!
Agreed. I'd take a virgin guy over a guy with a high "body count" any day. That's just my preference, not implying that there's anything wrong with having a large number of sexual partners. I think it would be lovely to have that first experience with someone.
Surely you have come across depictions of it in movies, literature, etc. Did that not convey it to you? I don't expect random internet commenters to do a better job than all the world's past and present artists. I have to wonder if you are trolling.
In true, committed, romantic love your partner becomes an extension of yourself. They are as familiar as your own hand. You have no doubt that you belong together, and you are one unit working towards a shared goal. Their presence is natural and comfortable, and you gladly sacrifice for them and accept their sacrifices in return. It is ultimate, unwavering trust. Your heart feels full just by their presence.
Joy in seeing the other person. Warm comfort. Early in the relationship it is at the highest, partners sacrifice their own "usual" to align with their partners needs. However by the two year mark people have let their facade drop and they reveal more of their true self and what they need daily. This often feels like the love has faded, since your partner is expressing their needs and not just fulfilling your own. This either kills the relationship as people think they fell out of love and are now annoyed by their partner, or the partners take more of the "love is a choice" route and continue on, with communication and acceptance of partners quirks. Having open communication without blame helps this process. Then you both start building on a solid foundation of time, past support, trust and mutual caring. Here love is often not described as the heightened falling in love feeling, but something more calm and enduring.
Hormones, joy, fear, security, anger, empathy, jealousy, warmth, anxiety, comfort.
I haven’t been in a relationship for a long time, but it’s a combination of nearly every emotion you can think of. Then again I probably did it wrong.
This is something you need to experience to fully understand and can only be explained incompletely.
Stop whining.
It should be noted it feels different for everyone. Whenever I've had a true partner, it feels like I found a lost part of me.