ADHD

I agree but would qualify my agreement with a note:

Some of our neurodivergent traits come across as assholeish or rude behavior and while most of us try and temper and mask it does slip out especially in high stress situations.

Intention matters.

I think it's my responsibility to explain to coworkers and make super sure they understand how I am especially after a high stress event (for me that'd likely be a server outage in production).

"I don't care what's wrong with you. If you're an asshole, you're an asshole"

This has stuck with me for about 15 years now. A neurodivergent stage crew member who was consistently an asshole was being an asshole again, so this other kid just yelled at him and told him off. Everyone in the room gave him the shocked Pikachu face because he yelled at the ND kid. Someone said "dude, you cant yell at him" and then he laid down this quote.

This looks like a MasterCard. I can't unsee it.

Yes, but it's IMHO not as clear cut. Some of the things we do because of our executive function disorder can be interpreted as us being assholes by those we interact with. One can act like an asshole at times and not intrinsically be one. Some things are perceived as assholeish by some people but not others.

This is just an ad for MasterCard; change my mind.

I think it depends. My son is deep on the spectrum. He's pretty pleasant, and he can tell if he's making someone upset or angry, but often has no idea why.

I could absolutely see him being rude or making someone uncomfortable without knowing it, and in many cases I think it would be a challenge to help him even comprehend how or why he was doing so, even if he could tell it was happening.

One of the things that makes me feel the worst for him is when he can tell he's not handling a situation "correctly" but has no idea why. It really upsets him.

So yeah, I cut people who I think might be ND some slack.

had this happen in politics subs. “wow i can’t believe you hold the beliefs you do, what kind of neurodivergent are you?” has deadass happened

i would rather you call me a slur :(

I'm direct and highly value honesty, but I've learned that's no excuse for lacking tact. Being a minimal degree of kind and polite to neurotypical people isn't particularly difficult, it's just learning to interface with someone whose emotional drivers you may not completely share. It's easier than learning to interface with a nonverbal species like a cat or a parrot.

This drives me bananas.

On the one hand as someone with ASD, yeah, I would have loved to have a little more understanding growing up but on the other you do not get a free pass just because you are some flavor of "special". Everyone is special. Everyone is a weird combination of neurotypcial and neurodivergent it's just a matter of degree and how it's all put together. When you say someone is neurotypical... how do you even know?

When you say that something is not your fault because you are neurodivergent did you even try to find a work-around? Did you try to find away to make the other person more comfortable? Did you try to exercise the understanding you demand of others? Or did you just say you don't have to?

Elon Musk.

Hell in the UK we had the (ex?) host of MasterChef, Greg Wallace, accused of being inappropriate with women in the workplace and making them feel unsafe and uncomfortable around him - Nothing illegal (that I know of), sure, but enough that he was rightfully dropped from whatever broadcaster was employing him.

Cut to a week into the tabloid media meltdown, Greg claims he "thinks he's on the spectrum" as an explanation for his sexually explicit and creepy behaviour around women. The usual shit where you're neuro typical until you're a prick then you're actually an autistic smol bean uWu.

When that didn't help, he then showed his true colours by claiming the "typical" kind of woman (I'm assuming he's referring to the trope of "ugly" women complaining about sexual harassment) making the complaints that got him fired.

I was in a coffee shop a few years ago and a guy in line was wearing an O.G.R.E. shirt, a way old computer game from 1986.

I said "Nice shirt! Never played that game, though."

Completely delighted, he ranted about his love for the game until my order was ready. And it was a bit hard to get away from him afterward.

This is definitely someone who could've fallen into that category.

But I don't see it that way because I'm also neurodivergent and know people never engage with us like that. Might have made his day.

Just a little story from that borderline in the Venn diagram.

Seems like some users thought this thread was a free pass to question neurospicy folks legitimacy regardless of assholeishness. Cool lemmy.world, cool /s

When they ramble on about something you don't care about or actively don't want to discuss, say "Hey I don't like this conversation, can we talk about something else?"

Yellow: "Oh sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
Red: "What? Why don't you wanna talk about this, is it because you secretly hate me or are hiding something? Now I know we need to talk about it until I'm convinced you're hearing what I have to say on this topic."

I have an overwhelming urge to shop now.

I guess MasterCard is either autistic or asshole now

I think a fair number of self-proclaimed "neurodivergent" folks just like it because: a) They think it's a free pass to be an asshole b) They think it indicates some sort of superpower with no downsides and that they are superior to "normal" people.

Knowing some clearly sincerely neurodivergent people I tend to be highly skeptical when people assert that status in an interaction where I wouldn't otherwise be able to tell.

Reminds me of once when a friend told me a story how someone watched his dick when he was peeing. When he got angry someone calmed him by sayong "Don't worry, he is just gay."

Yeah, why does this make sexual harasment any better?

I have, like, three stacks of neurodivergence, but I also have some sense of altruism and am aware of my limitations. So, in order to avoid imposing myself too much on people and ending up as an involuntary jerk, I just avoid interacting with others as much as possible, just in case.

You do not have to be friends with anyone! :D

I try not to be an asshole.

The problem is I am direct and do not sugar coat things. I treat others how I would like to be treated which can be seen as rude. I make an effort to not be that way but it ends up the same.