this post was submitted on 27 Nov 2024
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[–] LordWiggle 121 points 6 days ago (21 children)

I don't understand why people are making it such a big deal. Jesus died, yes, but he has risen from the dead after a few days. So basically he only died for a weekend, for the human race. "Oh what a brave man! He gave up his weekend!" There are other people who did much more for the human race, like Fritz Haber for example. Also, necromancy isn't allowed according to the bible, so zombie Jesus broke the rules.

[–] rtxn 34 points 6 days ago (2 children)

zombie Jesus broke the rules

Even living Jesus broke the rules. According to the ~~fanfic~~ gospel of John, Lazarus was dead for four days before Jesus resurrected him. It's where the line "Jesus wept" comes from.

[–] LordWiggle 34 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The entire bible if filled with contradicting stories, with incest, child abuse and murder. Nice book as reference for a better life 👌

[–] rtxn 34 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Realistically, the Bible is a compilation of cherry-picked stories ranging from historical fiction to high fantasy, written by dudes who weren't alive at the time, in a language nobody speaks anymore, translated a dozen times, losing important historical and grammatical context each time, with parts added/removed/rewritten at the ruling political and religious leaders' fancy. I want to read the version where a Bethlehem resident wanted to confirm Mary's post-natal virginity by hand, but the pope won't let me.

[–] LordWiggle 17 points 6 days ago

Damn. It isn't dope the pope said nope.

Also, the book is interpreted the way people want to interpret as an excuse to support their bad behavior. It's veeeeeery convenient there are so many versions out there, as a result of loose translations and copying by hand by monks for several hundred years. Just pick the version you like the most and you're free to abuse kids and be a racist homophobe transphobe piece of shit.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Fritz Haber for example

I mean....... Haber isn't exactly a giant of morality and ethics. He did invent most of the chemical weapons utilized in WW1, and expressly defended their use as weapons.

[–] phobiac 14 points 6 days ago (3 children)

He tried to kill people and ended up helping feed the world, then he tried to feed people and ended up helping the Holocaust. The guy is a fascinating historical figure but definitely a was a monster.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Jesus wasn't a zombie, Jesus was a lich.

Edit: found the pic!

[–] Sonor 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I’m kinda bummed out about necromancy though :/

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[–] FlyingSquid 91 points 6 days ago (7 children)

There's a significant amount of rape in the BIble. And a lot of it is condoned.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say sex slavery is a bad thing. But it sure does like talking about how all of those divine kings had concubines.

[–] [email protected] 123 points 6 days ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 42 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Or maybe that's not a sin 😏

[–] [email protected] 17 points 6 days ago (7 children)

"Spilling seed" is a sin... So confirmed that Jesus saw it and thought it was worth forgiving by dying on a cross for.

[–] TheRealKuni 30 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Eh. The thing Catholics use to say spilling seed is a sin is them completely misunderstanding what was happening.

So this dude Onan’s brother died without giving his wife any sons (or maybe children in general, I don’t remember). So according to tradition at the time, Onan was supposed to provide her with a son. But once he gave her a son, his job would be complete and he wouldn’t get to bang her anymore. So he pulled out.

The problem here wasn’t that he spilled his seed, it was that he spilled his seed in order to keep banging his brother’s widow.

But the Roman Catholic Church at some point was like, “OMG masturbation must be bad too!” So they decided that masturbation should he called “Onanism.” Which is ridiculous, dude is famous for pulling out, not jackin’ it.

🙄

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[–] samus12345 8 points 6 days ago

Every sperm is sacred, every sperm is great

If a sperm is wasted, god gets quite irate!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 days ago (5 children)

"Spilling seed" is a sin...

First off, I've never read the Bible, so apologies for any ignorance I'm about to display.

Second, how literal are we talking here? Like, do backshots count as "spilling seed"? What if she's a spitter, is she doomed to eternal damnation? Is hot creampie sex the only legal sex, according to the Bible?

[–] captainlezbian 10 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Specifically, when you’re having sex with the widow of your brother who died before he was able to give her an heir with the purpose of ensuring she has an heir in your family as is your religious duty, it’s a sin to pull out before ejaculating.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 days ago

It would be disrespectful to stop at this point.

[–] peopleproblems 16 points 6 days ago

Now I get why the incels are excited with the ultraconservative agenda.

They say "biblical values" and incels hear "free rape."

[–] [email protected] 8 points 6 days ago (2 children)

"blasting rope" the synonyms for masterbation continues to grow longer

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[–] samus12345 56 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Oh noooo, he suffered a few days and then got to hang out with his dad in heaven for eternity and be worshipped by billions of people. What a sacrifice!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 6 days ago (7 children)

Idk man I don't think I would be okay with being nailed to a cross even if i knew it meant living in heaven for eternity

[–] Snowclone 16 points 6 days ago (1 children)

It happened to a huge amount of people. The Romans crucified so many people, it was so common place, that they didn't even bother to write down how they did it. All I'm saying is, it wasn't a unique form of suffering that was particularly difficult to Jesus vs thousands of other people in history. If the difficulty of the death was the measure, he didn't go that far out of his way.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Being common doesn't make it any less unpleasant

[–] Snowclone 4 points 6 days ago

I just know there are Christians out there that have a very tenuous grasp on why exactly Jesus is the savior in Christianity and many think it's because his death was UNIQUELY painful. The idea that it was uniquely painful is very much nonsense, or we'd have a lot of saviors. He had a horrible but common place death.

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[–] samus12345 11 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Fair enough, but I also don't think that we should consider a few days of suffering for an eternity of basically being god much of a sacrifice.

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[–] postmateDumbass 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

My take: death was preferable to living in the world his dad controled.

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[–] paddirn 54 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (8 children)

Jesus died so we could have bread. He is risen!

Also, rape porn is very much in keeping with biblical values.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 days ago (4 children)

I would thank Jesus for bread, but didn't we have the stuff figured out quite a while before he showed up?

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 days ago

"Take this and eat it" works in either context.

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[–] bunchberry 24 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Not surprising as much of online conservatism these days is just gooning. They're all porn addicts who cry about the wokes taking away their softcore porn from their video games.

[–] glitchdx 7 points 6 days ago (2 children)

meanwhile I'm looking for better porn in real videogames. So far, nothing beats skyrim. Games that advertise having porn are shit video games, and most video games have terrible excuses for porn. Why can't the two come together?

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The christian tradwife fetish is just about a free use full time submissive with a twee aesthetic, so I'm not that surprised

[–] postmateDumbass 11 points 6 days ago

Go peruse the old testament and realize ypu would get demonitized for reading it aloud on youtube.

Pervertus inceptus romanus

[–] TunaCowboy 15 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Yes, that's what jesus died for.

[–] TropicalDingdong 14 points 6 days ago (1 children)

This and blasting rope to waluigi hentai.

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