this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2024
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Asklemmy

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I want to be played by a dog

My life isn't very interesting, but it'd really spice things up if they had a dog try to do it.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

There's no rule that says a dog can't play ~~basketball~~ a person!

:P

[–] Archer 3 points 1 month ago

The Air Bud cinematic universe is a lawless hellscape

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

What's the story, Wishbone?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

You spent the first few years of your life, catching tail and sniffing butt, winning through life on loveable personality alone, and becoming a loyal and devoted partner, spending your sunset years curled up on a nice seat, watching the kids do their thing and getting occasional head pats from strangers for a life well lived and job well done.

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[–] Repelle 33 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Aubrey Plaza. She’s way hotter than me (that’s kinda the point), and not half Japanese (will make the racist parts confusing and/or hilarious) but she could definitely pull off my resting bitch face and general disdain for everything.

[–] flicker 30 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Danny Devito.

...I'm a woman.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

I refer to him as Daddy DeVito

... I'm a dude.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Ed Sheeran. Specifically because he's not an actor and would stumble through the movie just like I stumbled through life. All ginger, no plan.

[–] Crackhappy 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

All Ginger No Plan - that's an amazing life motto. ;)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sounds like the name of a stand up comedy special.

[–] JWBananas 3 points 1 month ago

Sounds like an orange cat

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm pretty tall, so the logical choice would be Tom Cruise on 12 inch heels.

[–] 200ok 15 points 1 month ago

Three Tom Cruises in a trenchcoat

[–] johsny 18 points 1 month ago

Brad Pitt.

Bit of a downgrade but I can live with it.

[–] MegaUltraChicken 15 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I want my movie to be cast entirely with Muppets and Tim Walz.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Best answer

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Shit. I didn't think this through well enough. Can I change my answer to yours?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

Gary Oldman, dude's a chameleon. I'm sure he could find a way to play a mid 30s SE Asian dude

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Christopher Walken, Jeff Goldblum, Willem Dafoe, and Gary Oldman. All of them.

[–] thenextguy 4 points 1 month ago

Everywhere, all at once.

[–] thejoker954 3 points 1 month ago

So sorta like the imaginarium of Dr. parnissius? ( its called something along those lines lol)

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

David Cross and Bob Odenkirk, with a made-up face surgery scene mid-film to explain the change.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

They're both male so I'm assuming you were very ugly and bald at some point but now not quite as ugly and your hairline is ...un-receding?

Jk

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I'm actually a beautiful woman. They will both have to agree to substantial surgeries before they agree to play me.

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[–] random_character_a 9 points 1 month ago

Nicolas Cage

Looks nothing like, but it would be funny as hell and in order to get him to sign up, they would have to make it somehow trippy and surreal.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Zac Efron.

The girl I was crushing on in high school crushed on him really hard as he appeared in High School Musical. I spent wayyyy too much of my youth trying to emulate Zac Efron as a result. Eventually, that whole style just kinda became my whole style. Seems like a good fit.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Karl Pilkington. he would do a great job of complaining about every minor inconvenience I've dealt with

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (3 children)

John Malkovich, I don't know why. I just like him. And I think he would be kind in my portrayal.

[–] thenextguy 4 points 1 month ago

In Soviet Russia, John Malkovich being you.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Ditto. I think he could bring out the exasperation and pessimism that so much of my life warrants. And the transition to the good parts would be even funnier. "Oh, sorry honey, you're why I keep going. I should have said that to him."

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

I look like a middle-aged Richard Gere, with hair loss. All action on the sides, and nothing on top.

[–] OhStopYellingAtMe 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I’ve been told more than once that I look like β€œthat creepy Scarecrow guy from Batman Begins.” So I guess Cillian Murphy. I didn’t like looking creepy tho.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

They meant hot, but didn't dare say it.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Adrien Brody.

I'm told, quite often, I look like him. Plus he's a method actor or whatever do we would get to hang out which might be cool. He seems nice.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

For the 5% of my adult life that I’ve had short hair and no beard: Quentin Tarantino. For the rest of my bearded, long-haired adulthood: Steve Burke from Gamers Nexus. But they need to have blue/green eyes and forehead wrinkles.
(Huh. On paper that just sounds like I look like Nick Offerman, but not really.)

[–] thrawn 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Was hoping to see Margot Robbie in here requesting Margot Robbie play her

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[–] ODuffer 4 points 1 month ago

Rowan Atkinson.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

People say I look like Carrie Ann Moss (Trinity) but as a child I had more Lucy Lawless resemblances. So I don't know, but either case they'll have to get a tan cause I'm more of a Penelope Cruz skin tone.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Melissa McCarthy, she has a good sense of humor which is great because my life is kind of a joke.

[–] Johny5 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

John Cusack (high fidelity)

[–] thenextguy 3 points 1 month ago

John Cusack (Gross Pointe Blank)

[–] Crackhappy 3 points 1 month ago

No question at all, definitely Tim Robbins, although he is older than me, we are fan casting.

[–] Sequentialsilence 3 points 1 month ago

Jason Mamoa. I look like if he took a break from the gym for a year. He and I also share several hobbies.

[–] distantsounds 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Some lonely sad miserable and depressed actor

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

I dunno, nobody in Hollywood looks the way I look.

So, I guess I'd pick John Candy because I just like the guy.

Yeah, I know he's dead. If I can't have him, then Ildris Elba because he's fucking cool.

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