Being a reporter for The Onion gets harder every day with these chuckle fucks turning your material into real life.
this post was submitted on 17 Jul 2024
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Lemme get one of those spaceman with a gun memes where the whole world is an onion.
🧅🧑🚀🔫🧑🚀
Beautiful.
Yeah satire is pretty well dead
there is no bottom
Wait, this isn't satire?
Nope.
I was about to say, I had just read two Onion articles in the last ten minutes, and thought The Onion was hitting it hard today. Then I saw what community this was in and despaired.
Nope, and they cost $300. That's kinda funny though. Guaranteed they're made in China and cost less than ten bucks.
Pumped up kicks?
That's an extremely apropos reference on many accounts.
Everything on that site is tacky beyond belief. And wildly overpriced.
Of course. When you have literally millions of suckers in your cult begging for reasons to throw their money at you, you milk it for all its worth. This isn't geared towards the normal people who know how tacky this shit is. This is geared towards the ones that are so far to the right and have his dick shoved so far down their throat that they're flossing their teeth with his pubes.
That, and the MTGs of Congress who will buy these just to ~~kiss Trump's ass~~ "show their solidarity with the President". 5,000 pairs of overprices sneakers isn't tough to move when there are enough people who will buy them for the sole purpose of sucking up to him. Whether or not you've bought any of his products will likely be a test of loyalty in the near future, if it isn't already.
I thought its primarly money-laundering
Trump stands to make $1.5 million (minus expenses) from selling these. That's pocket change to Trump. Not worth getting involved with to clear maybe $1 million after the dust settles. He seems to always charge $300 each when he peddles his crap, which makes me think that's simply the sweet spot to maximize how much Trump can grift out of the rubes without going into sticker shock.
If this were money laundering, there wouldn't be a limit and the sneakers would be a lot more expensive. They wouldn't want rubes buying them because that means they'd have to actually produce the sneakers, increasing their expenses. They would simply be "available" at stupidly expensive prices so Trump's associates can funnel thousands or millions of dollars at a time to "buy" sneakers that will never arrive. You know. For re-sale. Or as a collector's item. Or to give away to friends/supporters. Or whatever excuse they can come up with when they're asked where the sneakers they supposedly bought ended up.
If this were money laundering, it's the dumbest money laundering scheme in the history of ever. Maximum exposure and risk for minimum reward. With that said, that could also be used as the reason to believe Trump would be dumb enough to do this. But he's got $45 million a month coming from Musk alone; he's not going to bother getting into elaborate money laundering schemes for 2% of that. Selling the sneakers to rubes is simply grabbing the low hanging fruit.
I'd expect nothing less from an evil conman.
Simpsons did it?
Damn I scrolled past thinking it was onion flavored.
Ranks right up there with the "Presidential Pleasure" Trump Buttplug.
This is the best summary I could come up with:
GetTrumpSneakers.com, a website owned by Donald Trump, is the go-to retailer to secure a pair of high-top sneakers printed with an image from the recent assassination attempt against the former president.
The white sneaker features a five-star American flag on the upper portion of the shoe, just above the photo of Trump holding his fist up after being shot in the ear at a rally in Butler, Pennsylvania, last weekend.
If that wasn’t enough, the site is incentivizing supporters to purchase the unsightly footwear with a bonus offer: 10 pairs will be randomly autographed by Trump.
Sizes 5 through 8 are still listed online, with all pairs expected to ship in September or October with each being made to order.
“Show your support and patriotic pride with these exclusive sneakers, capturing a defining moment in history,” a description on the website reads, claiming that the shoes “honor his unwavering determination and bravery.” The shooting left Trump bleeding, but otherwise stable.
Those shoes were announced at Sneaker Con Philadelphia the day after he was ordered to pay $454 million in fines for years of bank fraud in New York — and a few weeks after he was hit with a $83.3 million ruling in a rape defamation case.
The original article contains 302 words, the summary contains 207 words. Saved 31%. I'm a bot and I'm open source!
Sizes 5 through 8 are still listed online, with all pairs expected to ship in September or October with each being made to order.
If they're being made to order why are they only available in small...? Average men's shoe size in the US is 10.5.
Not the weirdest part of this article for sure, but still.
"September or October" seems far enough away that anyone dumb enough to order these will have forgotten by then anyway.
If I were running this scam, I’d wait a month then push that to December (blame Biden, ofc). Then when Trump loses in November I’d just keep the money and make excuses. Nobody is going to push tooooo hard to get their loser sneakers.
If he actually manages to win, I’d probably have to make the stupid sneakers or get thrown in a Libtard Camp. Though I’m probably getting thrown in one of those anyway..
It. Is. Not. A. KKKUlt.
Of course he would.
I must admit this seems like good marketing tbh..