this post was submitted on 18 May 2024
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No. This is a bank

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 months ago (3 children)

I know some bank tellers who say they are taught to comply with ANY robbery instructions. Even if it's as simple as someone slipping them a note saying, "This is a robbery" with no explicit threats. If they feel comfortable, they can slip him the marked bills or dye packs, but they won't be punished if they don't. Get the robber out, lock the door, call the cops.

I could totally see the tellers recognizing the avocado for what it was and figuring it was on the cops to catch him, not theirs.

[–] SpaceNoodle 25 points 2 months ago

How interesting! Which banks are these, by the way? So we know which ones are safest to work at, of course.

[–] Aganim 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Get the robber out, lock the door, call the cops.

For us it was 'hit the silent alarm as soon as it is safe to do so' instead of calling the cops ourselves. Hitting the alarm would trigger a whole chain of events, which included alerting the cops, region manager and an emotional support team and sending out a notification to our intranet that your office would not be reachable for the rest of that day and the day after. It would also immediately notify the correct police departments, which was another reason why we were instructed to not call the alarm number.

Our robber wrapped a plastic bag around his arm so probably didn't have a firearm, but you simply do not take that risk. Although my colleague had to tell that nitwit that he walked into a branch office that didn't handle money and had nothing on premises, which was clearly advertised at the door. It did have an ATM, but, as was also made very clear on the outside, we didn't have access to that. Never seen somebody so confused, fortunately he 180'd out of there. We were lucky that it was probably just somebody who acted on an impulse, another office a few streets down had a real armed robbery, where one of my colleagues got a gun put to her head. Took her years to get her live back on track.

[–] OhmsLawn 3 points 2 months ago

Yeah, they probably got the money, along with one hell of an eye roll.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 months ago (2 children)

It seems to have been a fruitful endeavour.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

The results were smashing

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] jaybone 6 points 2 months ago

It has a pit yo. That’s a fruit.

[–] Everythingispenguins 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Avocado is a fruit because it has a[sic] flesh and a seed, it comes from a tree, and it can be eaten.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Wow, ok, my avocado will never be the same

[–] db2 21 points 2 months ago (2 children)

All that risk for the equivalent of a recent model used car.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

You can get a fairly decent new car for that money or you can where I live anyways.

Might not be the coolest car in the world but it will be fine.

Not saying that robbing banks with an avocado is a good idea though.

Here they wouldn't get shit because nearly none of our banks handle any cash. My bank decided in 2008 that only ⅓ of their banks should handle any cash. It seems that they have since gone completely cash free.

[–] db2 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Fractional reserve.. technically zero is a fraction.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Not sure what you mean, but my bank has like 70+ locations in my country.

In 2012 they apparently had 165 locations and 101 of those only had ATMs and no manual cash handling. My bank was the first with this large scale change but now every bank is essentially cash free. Hell, the whole country is essentially cash free.

[–] candybrie 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Fractional reserve is a reference to banks needing to keep a fraction of their customers' deposits but are allowed to invest/lend out the rest. Some people think this means keep a fraction of customers cash on hand because liquid assets are often referred to as cash in accounting even if it isn't actually paper money.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Ah, I got you. Thanks for explaining.

I never imagined that any banks would ever keep cash in any large quantities. That seems like it would be extremely annoying for everyone when you can just let other companies handle the cash and ATMs and instead just send money digitally. I can imagine any banks has operated like that for a few decades at least.

[–] jaybone 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Banks are cash free now??? What a world. At what point to we get to where banks don’t really do anything at all except legally rob you and bill you for stupid shit?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Yeah, cash free greatly decreases the risk of robberies from high to non-existent. And no one really uses cash anyways here so it doesn't matter much. If someone wants to use cash anyways, we have these machines that are called automated teller machine.

I am not saying I'm a huge fan of banks but they do actually provide useful very services like debit/credit cards, loans, safe keepings of money, and a bunch of other stuff. And if you only use the basic services with a debit card plus basic bank accounts there are minimal yearly fees. I pay nothing because I'm young enough but in a few years I will have to pay what's equivalent to around 55 USD each year, which I think is very reasonable.

[–] db2 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)


And you're excited about it.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

I wouldn't say excited but I don't care much. I personally never ever use cash because it's a hassle but I obviously think that it should be possible.

And banks having cash is honestly pretty useless anyways.

[–] Speculater 7 points 2 months ago (3 children)

What the fuck are you on about? I just bought a 2002 VW Jetta for $9k, practically new, 150k miles and only one broken motor mount. Cars are... Fuck my life.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Not gonna lie, you had me in the first half.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I wouldn't say that a car from 2002 is a recent model.

[–] Speculater 3 points 2 months ago

It was out after I left high school... Fuck!

[–] jaybone 3 points 2 months ago

Recent models are like 30k

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

"...for 32,000$, thus breaking even with the money he initially invested buying avocados to commit the heist".

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

All because of that toast! All because of that God damned toast!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (2 children)

On a somewhat related note, that Sun Tzu quote reminds me of something he did. Sun Tzu had a rivalry with this other general who he often got into skirmishes with and always defeated him or outmaneuvered him with some kind of trickery. So one time this rival general actually had Sun Tzu on the ropes and had chased him into a bit of a corner. Sun Tzu was in a smallish fort with the enemy general closing in and he definitely did not have enough soldiers to hold the fort for long.

So instead of trying to intimidate his rival with a show of force or making his army seem bigger than it was or whatever else he might have tried instead when his rival arrived at the fort he found the front gate fully open and nobody in sight except Sun Tzu himself sitting on the battlement playing an instrument somewhat akin to a lyre I think.

His rival was so wary of trickery that he assumed it must be a trap, or a distraction while a larger army moves in to reinforce him, so he left and Sun Tzu and his army survived.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Sun Tzu isn't in that story, it is a tale about Zhuge Liang and Sima Yi from the Three Kingdoms period.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Oh interesting! I must have mixed my facts up or something, my bad. You're right that it's attributed to Zhuge Liang, but it seems like Wikipedia thinks it was a fictional story when attributed to Zhuge Liang, but it looks like he wasn't the first to use this strategy and he wasn't the last. Regardless, I was wrong about Sun Tzu having done it and I learned more about history, so thanks!

Here's the Wikipedia article I was referring to:

[–] masquenox 1 points 2 months ago

A lot of the stuff in modern The Art Of War publications was added later - basically glorified notes - by scholars who assume it illustrates some point made by Sun Tzu. They don't always hit their mark, though.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Legend has it they needed an extra casket just for his balls when they buried him, and it required twice the number of pallbearers his actual body did.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

Those extra ones were ballbearers.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

Sun Tzu says: if you are strong, appear weak. If you are weak, appear strong.

[–] Ballistic_86 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Damn millennials and their avocado grenades!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

All of a sudden, boomers wish we’d stuck to putting them on toast…

[–] enbyecho 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

So you do actually have to be able to defend against an avocado attack before you move on to pointed sticks. TIL.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

"And don't come crying to me when some maniac comes at you with a passion fruit!"

[–] Got_Bent 5 points 2 months ago

When avocado guy is caught, he's gonna be TOAST!

[–] quinkin 5 points 2 months ago

Hey! There's been a robbery

She stole my heart and guacamole

[–] ours 4 points 2 months ago

Well, the best way to stop a bad guy with an avocado is a good guy with an avocado.

[–] TheGiantKorean 4 points 2 months ago

If you want to be financially independent, stop buying avocado toast. Use the avocado to hold up a bank instead.

[–] wavebeam 4 points 2 months ago

I hate that i recognize that this quote is actually a screen shot from Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 (2009)

[–] Pharmacokinetics 3 points 2 months ago

If fighting is sure to result in victory you must fight.

[–] Sam_Bass 3 points 2 months ago

Bet he still loses at poker

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

"You kidnapped me with a candy bar?!"

"Hey! It wasn't easy! Every time we moved I was worried the wrapper would crinkle and give me away."

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

The art of robbery.

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