[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation

The 3 H’s. When someone in your life comes up to you with a problem, you either figure out, or ask them; if they want to be Hugged, Heard or Helped.

A lot of the time when someone is venting at you, they just want to be heard and understood, and I’m the type of man to want to immediately fix the issue, and it’s a bit invasive and often off the mark, so I reign myself in and ask them if they want to be Hugged, Heard or Helped. More often than not, they just want to vent and don’t want me butting in with solutions to their issues.

So the next time someone confides in you, take a step back and analyse how you should respond going forward, it really helped me understand more.

"You're an adult. You get to enjoy whatever you like."

Stuffed animals? Legos? Video games? Cartoons? I've been made fun of all my life for liking "stupid stuff" or "kid stuff" (even as a kid).

I pay my taxes. I've lived life long enough to know that I deserve to be happy. What kind of miserable shit-head would make fun of me enjoying something? Someone whose opinion has no value to me, that's who.

My father once told me that as soon as you notice that you're tipsy it's time to ease down.

Even if you stop immediately you're going to continue getting more drunk from the alcohol sitting in your stomach waiting to be absorbed.

Wise words that have really stuck with me and definitely helps on nights out.

"Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed".

It's an inversion of the saying that ends in "worth doing well", and it sticks with me because it's genuinely good advice.

Like, turning in a half-completed assignment for a failing grade is way less harmful to one's GPA than failing to turn in anything and taking a "0". I might not have the energy after work to do all of my laundry, but knocking out one load is still better than none. Frozen dinners might not be healthy, but skipping meals would be worse.

You can't whole-ass everything all the time, but half-ass is better than no-ass. 😸

"Make it easy for them to give you what you want"

There's a lot of ways to interpret that, and most of them help. For instance, if you're asking your boss for a raise, if you just say "Hey boss, gimme a raise" you're making it hard for them. If you say "I think I deserve a raise, here are multiple, documented, examples of where I've helped increase revenue/fix a problem that could have cost us/improved customer retention/etc" then you're making it easier for them because they have a list of positives to justify it.

Generally if you're asking a question you need an answer to, or for something in particular, spend a little time thinking about the request from the other person's point of view. What do they need to be able, and inclined, to help you? When you know that, make sure you supply it.

I've found it to be a powerful way of approaching discussions, and it can make a lot of situations make more sense when you realize one party didn't do it and didn't get what they want.

Sometimes, of course, making it easy to give you what you want just means making any other outcome harder instead. >:)

"Is this gonna matter at your funeral?" A friend asked me this once.

Questions the gravity of the circumstances, and how much you should care (if at all).

This was given to me during a Process Safety class in college, and I'll never forget it: in the workplace, "Always have a stupid-question buddy." Try your best to direct your questions to someone who's not your boss as you learn the ropes. That way, you can be comfortable asking those questions on basics that really need to be asked in order to do your job properly, and not look like an idiot to the person that performs your performance reviews.

Salvador Dalí: 'Those who do not want to imitate anything, produce nothing.'

I wish I would have heard this quote much sooner... I usually like to flesh out my projects/ideas from the start and it feels unoriginal or boring when it's too derivative of other work... But everything is derivative of something. Being afraid of being "unoriginal" should never stop you from creating, or at least trying. A lot of the time the "unoriginal" work pays great homage to the original work and really does transform the result to something new and vibrant

This is gonna sound dumb af but meh.

"Don't be scared of it"

The context was flipping eggs for the first time because I was being too cautious about breaking the yolk. My coworker said it in passing and probably never thought of it again but over the years it's translated into a lot of stuff.

So yeah, don't be scared of it.

I actually do not remember where I heard this, but I was unhappy at one of my past workplaces, and I felt like nothing made sense anymore. The purpose of my job, the product, the people... I would ask why or seek deeper understanding and received nothing back.

The advice was "when no one has your back, it's time to move your back".

It stuck with me because it applies to friends, family, work, and life in general. If you do not feel supported and able to give support back mutually then it's time to place yourself in a situation more beneficial for you and those around you.

It doesn't place blame, it's simply a validation statement - you feel x, so do y.

My no nonsense easten European coworker once said "If you have even one red flag about your relationship, get out and don't look back. Don't waste your time." She's completely right. Get out before you get mired into a situation that'll never change.

One thing that Reddit did teach me is that work doesn't really matter and you shouldn't knock yourself out for any job, because they'd replace you in a heartbeat and will underpay and micromanage you no matter how good a job you do.

Never threaten someone with something, if you cannot execute the threat.

A good way of shifting your mentality if you're apprehensive about something like pursuing a change of career, a new hobby or whatever, is to ask yourself the question "what if it all worked out?".

It's a simple thing but it can completely alter how you approach things.

Not religious, but "Steady plodding bring prosperity".

All my life I have watched as many of those around me struggle to stay consistent in their lives, and have worse outcomes as a result.

Inconsistent with their savings habits.

Inconsistent in their employment efforts.

Inconsistent with their love lives.

Inconsistent with taking care of themselves.

Consistency provides a basis for better long term results. Very little success is possible in almost any endeavor without it.

Though I've found it personally frustrating to remain consistent in my own life, the benefits of doing so I have found to be exponential, although late and taken for granted by others who weren't consistent.

Another is: "What are you willing to give up to get what you want?"

All too many things are zero-sum, and though consumer capitalist systems often pretend "you can have it all", you can't.

Honest reflection about what is most important to yourself, and what personal sacrifices are required to obtain your goal, makes the goal easier to obtain.

Many sacrifices that are needed are clear from the offset, but by being honest and willing before the endeavour, those future sacrifices are less traumatic. Other sacrifices pop up along the way, and it's important to re-evaluate at intervals whether your end goal is still worth it.

For love: "Prequalify your spouse."

People lead with their hearts often where their heads can't follow.

Sure they may be attractive, or have an amazing personality, or be rich, but do you KNOW them?

Is their fading beauty or quick wit or checking balance able to really make up for their poor treatment of others, latent racism or sexism, politics, religious adherence, stance on having children, intention in the future to care for ailing family, or poor spending habits? What about if they believe it's appropriate to hit your future kids, or demand the kids are their religion, or can't be gay? What if they refuse to travel or relocate? What if they don't clean up after themselves or never take responsibility for their failings?

It is imperative to long term relationship success that you spend enough time for both partners to actually understand each other, because there is more to long term compatibility related to shared values than there is to sexual attraction.

Most often this advice results in people realizing they haven't given enough thought themselves to what and why they believe is the best way to live their own lives, and where those values came from.

I've got loads more, but those are a great start.

"everyone knows something that you don't." it helps me to not be an arrogant dick. People are good at something.

"everyone believes they're the hero of their own story" too many people are set on their ways and sometimes its best to realize that you can't change their mind. Just move on and don't get all worked up.

A very practical rule of thumb, and I've no idea who told me it or if I've made it up myself, is: don't put your hand where you can't see it.

“If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing badly.”

That along with KC Davis' Ted talk, How to do laundry when you're depressed

"An abnormal response to an abnormal situation is absolutely normal."

If you are in some hellish or unusually bad kind of situation and you're not able to keep your cool or stay positive or whatever your personal mental health goals are, it doesn't mean that you're insane.

It means you're human.

This is also exceptionally helpful to remember if you have to be around hypercritical, DARVOing, and/or chronically dishonest people who behave horribly then take any sign of emotional response on your part as an overreaction and proof of mental incompetence. Lol, no. If you weren't nuts before they started in on you, you're probably fine right now.

There is so much pressure these days for the sane among us to be 100% perfect in all respects all the time even as norms are crashing down all around us, and it's just not realistic or possible, much less healthy or true. So remember:

"An abnormal response to an abnormal situation is absolutely normal."

And then go take care of you as a priority for a little while, because you need some self-focus and self-care while you navigate whatever this is.

Hope this helps someone, because it's saved my ass countless times.

"Leadership is simple. Take care of your people and make a decision."

This is from a USAF Major who was once one of the first dudes in Afghanistan after 9/11, working with green berets when he was enlisted. He said that it's amazing how easy it can be to lose sight of those two basic things.

Remember landmarks when traveling. You'll know where you are once you see that landmark again. My dad told me that when we were out in the boat on the Pearl River once when I was a wee lad. I've never forgotten it and I am very good at navigation because of it I think.

Don't set yourself alight to keep yourself warm. Not always easy, but it is something I believe. You can only do so much if someone isn't willing to help themself.

If it is to be, it is up to me.

I was always tired of relying on others only to be let down and disappointed. I remember seeing a motivational poster in highschool and it stuck.

One more: vaccines are a miracle of science that save our lives and if you are an antivaxxer you are subscribing to weaponized disinformation and being a moron.

My grandfather continually underscored to me that no matter what you try to do, even if it is a failure so to speak, you have learned. And you can carry what you've learned into your next effort, and be that much more strong and powerful. There is no shame in trying to invent something and discover that you are wrong, or start a business and not have it succeed, or try to approach something in a novel way and have it fall flat. That is the essence of how we learn and discover and grow.

Furthermore he taught me that you need to let people show you how to do things that you already know how to do. Everybody out there has a piece of priceless gold that they're just willing to hand to you, and all you have to do is be willing to listen. And accept that while we may know how to do something, there's always a better way.

Moisturize every day. Told to me by a very young looking 40 year old in a bathroom at a club when I was 16. Can confirm, am now around that age and I look late 20s.

1. "It doesn't matter what other people think of you."
2. "Always be yourself, no matter how hard that may be."

Someone suggested that I get a book called 'Discover What You Are Best At.' Linda Gail.

I was out after a job injury. I never liked any job I'd ever had. The book led me to a career I'd never considered.

Find a job you actually like. If you can wake up on a rainy Monday and not hate your life you've solved most of life's problems.

Logic solves problems, emotions don’t. Wait for a cooler head before trying to resolve issues.

I remember one time way back in high school some kids were making fun of some other kids for liking something, can't remember what it was. Teacher overhead what happened and stopped it, and told us: Imagine how boring the world would be, if everyone liked the same stuff. This one has always stuck with me.

“Be where you are.”