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Go ahead (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[-] [email protected] 56 points 3 months ago

Alright NCD, tell me your noncredible plan to beat Russia

[-] [email protected] 114 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Fuck it, *releases Florida-man*

[-] DigitalTraveler42 5 points 2 months ago

There's a whole lot of Russian infiltration into Floridaman circles these days

[-] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago

As long as we can control the bathsalts supply, Floridaman answers to us

[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

The salts must flow

[-] DigitalTraveler42 3 points 2 months ago

But the bath salts thing was a one time thing, Floridaman is all about those pills, always has been.

[-] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

I hear you, we need the CIA to sell Florida more bath salts, no wonder they're getting uppity.

[-] [email protected] 53 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

I suggest a slight modification on the Prigozhin plan.

Step 1: Hop on whatever vehicle you can find

Step 2: Casually drive to Moscow

Step 3 (Modified): Do NOT take Putin's bribe.

Step 4: Make sure you don't have to carry too much ammo back

Step 5: We did it!

[-] [email protected] 50 points 2 months ago

I'll copy and paste a bit I did in reply to a Russiabot for kicking Russia out of the Ukraine.

We tell Poland “Hulk? Smash.” and they rush across the border and reinforce Ukrainian positions. A US carrier group rolls up and sinks what remains of the Black Sea Fleet before the Admiral can get a second cup of coffee. Marines start landing in Sevastopol and the obligatory McDonalds is setup within 36 hours. F-22s body the Russian air force without even being seen; not because of stealth, but because Russians ain't got radar no more. The Kerch Strait Bridge isn’t just bombed, but completely taken out from end to end. What remains of Russian ground positions west of Mariupol is full of soldiers who hear rumors that NATO POW camps will give you hot food and a warm blanket, and that’s sounding like a damn good deal by the end of the week.

[-] Buddahriffic 24 points 2 months ago

Also cut off Belarus from any Russian support and let the people there do their thing. Bomb the railway connections between Russia and China, add a blockade between Russia and Iran.

And instead of just using McDonald's on the frontline, add some A&Ws and really win some hearts and minds.

[-] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

Hearts and minds? I gotchu

*airdrops Stanley cups*

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Hmmm.

Make them extra limited edition and promise the women of Russia even MORE limited runs if they bring us Putin's head.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

karelia is free

[-] dlpkl 13 points 2 months ago

Throw in a Five Guys and I'll start this party myself

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Lets skip the five guys and create the first international In-N-Out. Itd be funny if the Ukrainians get one before the Mexicans or Canadians.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Idk, enshittification even came for Five Guys in the end.

Is Uncle Sam paying?

[-] mojofrododojo 2 points 2 months ago

Idk, enshittification even came for Five Guys in the end.

they fucked up 5guys? haven't been in a while, what happened?

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

A basic combo is well over $20 now. If they had the best damn burgers you can get it'd be one thing but the quality of the meat has gone down as well.

Any real burger joint crushes them on quality and price now, but that's how enshittification works, right? Build the brand with a good product, then decrease quality and jack up prices.

All I'm willing to give them is they don't season their patties, so it's a relatively good place to go if you're restricted on sodium or prefer a pure meat flavor but the reality is the best burgers are seasoned. That's just how flavor works.

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[-] [email protected] 37 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

Day one: Russian air force gets taken out by NATO air strikes.

Day two: remaining heavy weapons are mopped up by NATO air strikes.

Day three to one hundred: Russian meat waves get mowed down by NATO air strikes and artillery.

Day one hundred and one: Putin tries to launch nuclear attack, fails.

[-] mojofrododojo 32 points 3 months ago

China.

Hear me out: Treaty of Aigun established Vladivostok on what was Chinese land - Yongmingcheng, where the russians built a western city/port for their pacific fleet. And the russian 'east'; there's a fantastic stretch of land that's going to become quite livable due to climate change while china experiences a series of frustrations - inability to separate Taiwan from the west's interference, inability to execute the 9-dash line's ambitions to control the south china sea, and unity in the Australia-Indonesia-Philippines resistance to Chinese influence - why continue to waste resources where there's nothing but resistence?

Look north. Russia doesn't have the best army in the Donbas lol, when supplied the Ukrainians are tearing them to shreds - far more lost there than Afghanistan and Chechnya - mind boggling losses. Will the Russians really be able to stand up to a peer army?

And no one would twitch. Who's going to jump to Russia's aid?

Seems like a win.

[-] Buddahriffic 5 points 2 months ago

I don't think they will act directly against each other until they've dealt with the west. One attacking the other directly would just cement western dominance.

[-] AngryCommieKender 3 points 2 months ago

Been saying that for months. There's enough of a Han population in Vladivostok for Xi to say it's a "special military operation," protecting native Chinese. It'd be a heck of a political coup for Xi, because he could have an easy military victory, and redirect attention from Taiwan. Also gives them a port outside of the first chain of islands that have cut them off from everything but the East China Sea

[-] mojofrododojo 3 points 2 months ago

yes, those are excellent points!

Someone call Xi and let's make it happen.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

csto mabye would come to russias aid

[-] mojofrododojo 2 points 2 months ago

csto

it would be hilarious if Ru asked.... imho the stan clan + armenia really don't owe all that much to Ru, and putin in particular....

something tells me China + Ukraine forcing a 2 front conflict on Russia would outweigh anything the CSTO could bring to bear quickly.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

i agree with your statement

[-] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago

Orbital bombardment with anti matter weaponry.

[-] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago

Democracy prevails

➡️ ⬇️ ➡️ ⬇️ ➡️ ⬇️

[-] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

For Democracy!

⬆️➡️⬇️⬇️⬇️

[-] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Make American vodka superior to Russian.

[-] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

That would be Kirkland Signature vodka.

I am 100% serious.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Before I discovered Kirkland, I would have agreed with you.

Kirkland is genuinely just as good, except a handle (1.75L) costs roughly as much as a normal Tito’s bottle (750ml).

[-] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

I was born in Kirkland. My mom drank only the finest Vodka during pregnancy. Kirkland Vodka made my IQ 180, gave me a chiseled chin, and I give earth shattering orgasms when I shake hands.

[-] MajesticSloth 7 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Are you ready to have kids?

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Can you get Kirkland vodka in Canada? I've seen Tito's before but haven't tried it.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

If you got Costco, they sell Kirkland. Are they in Canada?

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

There are Costco's but I haven't seen any with alcohol sections. Actually we probably just don't have grocery and alcohol in the same store it's probably been the times I've been in the states melding in my ancient mostly forgotten memories.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Depends on the province. They have alcohol in a side store where I am. Kirkland vodka is good.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

The side store where I am is an independent store they rent space to, and they have their own liquor inside the main store.

It's honestly a bit weird.

[-] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Vodka is the easiest goddamn spirit to turn into a high-tier brand. There is barely any flavor to Vodka, and even an expert could not tell the difference between a $150 bottle of vodka and a $30 bottle in a blind taste test.

[-] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago

Special forces find putin and put a nuke in his asshole, then he goes to see his government buddies and kaboom.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

I think just a big wood chipper followed by a mobile reggae sound system bumping up the highway slowly, passing out food, medical supplies and weed to the inhabitants as they go past. Followed an hour later by ANOTHER sound system and several clearly branded flatbed trucks, with happy smiling people throwing candy and chocolate off the back to the re-assembled crowd.

Ain’t nobody stopping that parade.

[-] AngryCommieKender 7 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Figure out which of Ghengis Kahn's tens of millions of descendents.can reunite the Mongols

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

A finger curls on the paw

It's Putin

[-] xenoclast 4 points 2 months ago

Tell Republicans that Gay Russians are having IVF just so they can get abortions at the free medical clinic.

this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2024
599 points (94.1% liked)

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