Dad Jokes

TRANSCRIPT:

Me: Is this birdcage made out of nickel?
Pet Store: Aluminum I think
Me: So there's no nickel in this cage?
Pet Store: Don't you dare!
Me: It's a nickleless cage
Pet Store: GET OUT!

[pictured is a long-haired Nicholas Cage, looking fabulous in the sun and wind. To his left, it's captioned with the text "Worth it"]

I guess you could say I swapped Bob a loo mop and got Pam's broom.

Can't they afford the real stuff?

It's 5050.

They'll always say booo

Paleontologists.

They're SO-DIMM

They take off their yellowjackets.

Paddy O'Furniture.

For example, drilling or enlarging a hole can be boring, but fixing two pieces of metal together is often riveting.

"Man, I'm bacon."

Re-apply.

Up until now I thought he was only a theoretical physicist!

It was founded by a group of monks from the southern USA. Rather than building a chapel, they chose to live in a series of underground tunnels. The nearest town only saw the elusive monks once a year, when they would break their usual stoic diet and make traditional southern fried chicken for everyone in town.

They were known as the deep friars.

That's a huge red flag, that is!

He's all right now.

He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.

Aye aye do.

I bought a thesaurus, but all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Whoa, let’s pause here. Can you help me name my emotions? That’s right, I’m mad. What else? Confused. Annoyed. Good. Thanks, buddy. I’m sorry I scared you—I just really wanted to use this thesaurus to find the right words for my construction joke. But even grown-ups get angry sometimes. We’re all learning.

The ICU.

A meowntain.

You bacon it in the oven!