this post was submitted on 26 Aug 2023
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Confidently Incorrect

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When people are way too smug about their wrong answer.

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[–] TrismegistusMx 248 points 10 months ago (5 children)

Fruits that fall off the tree ferment and make alcohol. Monkeys, apes, and other animals eat them for the alcoholic effect.

[–] [email protected] 66 points 10 months ago (4 children)

God didn't make those. Wait. Shit.

[–] asdfasdfasdf 86 points 10 months ago (1 children)

They were manufactured by fallen fruit.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 10 months ago

So perfect.

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 10 months ago (5 children)

Birds get drunk off fermented berries. And it's the funniest shit you will ever watch. Well...until you find out that drunk birds crash into windows a lot.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 10 months ago (2 children)

This is the main reason birds have a hard time getting a driver's license

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (7 children)

If anything, God made alcohol incredibly prevalent and easy to discover and produce

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago

And that’s not even to mention all the psychoactive plants out there. The Earth makes many a mind-altering substance without the help of man.

[–] joneskind 17 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It makes sense if you believe in science and stuff, but if you were a true Christian you would know that holly sweet Jesus of America turned water into wine, which has nothing to do with alcohol. It is His sacred blood that for some reason also tastes like old grape juice. Don’t judge me and make your own research.

Thoughts and prayers, libtard!

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[–] [email protected] 120 points 10 months ago (5 children)

There is an old Disney documentary called “Animals are Beautiful People”. There is a segment of the movie dedicated to showing how monkeys, elephants, giraffes, and other animals can get shitfaced off rotten fruit.

[–] [email protected] 69 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Some birds also intentionally make fruit ferment and then get shit-faced off of it. Humans are hardly the first species on this planet to make booze.

[–] grayman 13 points 10 months ago

Some birds eat spicey chilis because it makes them hallucinate and get high.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 10 months ago (5 children)

There's a type of lemur that gets hammered by stimulating a poisonous millipede and ingesting it's poison.

[–] Tangent5280 21 points 10 months ago

which millipede though, i dont want to spend ages milking a bunch of millipedes

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago

Someone posted that clip before midsummer and I still chuckle at one of the replies. Something like "I'm laughing at the dumb hangover animals even though I know for a fact I'll be in the same state tomorrow".

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[–] [email protected] 78 points 10 months ago (3 children)

So Jesus is a "fallen man", ok.

[–] sheilzy 20 points 10 months ago

He also only turned the water into wine because his mother nagged him to do it. Two of the people thought to be the most perfect and infallible in Christian tradition are actually fallen people. I think it's pretty noble to abstain from alcohol or other addictions but the way this guy does it is so belittling.

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[–] [email protected] 74 points 10 months ago (4 children)

We had a tree with some sort of red berries on it. Every autumn birds would have a bird party getting drunk off the fermented berries. Alcohol appears in nature all the fucking time

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago

Homebrewer/fermenter checking in. Yeast is everywhere. Its already on everything. To an extent where homebrewing has a special category called wild or spontaneous fermentation specifically for stuff made just by letting wild yeast settle on it and start going to town. Which is to say that if you're a bit lucky the only thing you need in order for wine to happen is fruit. Do you know how you make a fermented pepper sauce? Kim chi? Sauerkraut? You just need whatever it is you're trying to ferment, and some salt. That's it. The fermentation will just happen. Some small amount of alcohol will just happen.

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[–] AngryCommieKender 64 points 10 months ago (2 children)

There's literally a nebula out there that is almost pure ethanol that tastes of raspberry. I've no clue how we figured out what it would taste like, but there is literally enough alcohol there to keep the next 500 generations of humans perpetually shit faced even with the population boom that would occur.

I refer to it as "God's Distillery."

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Infrared light gets absorbed by organic molecules at specific wavelengths depending on what structure they have. So we can look at IR light that has passed through the nebula to see what molecules are in it. The first article I saw said the cloud has ethyl formate which apparently has a raspberry like flavor.

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[–] Dick_Justice 49 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I went to a church when I was a kid that taught that wine was completely non-alcoholic in biblical times.

[–] ReluctantMuskrat 50 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Remarkable how ignorant of their own bible the teetotalling Christians are. Without refrigeration grape juice becomes unsafe to drink quickly. Fermenting it was the only way it would keep. Also in 1 Tim 3:8 mentions to not have men as deacons if they're "addicted to much wine", clearly showing this was not grape juice they're talking about.

[–] Windex007 41 points 10 months ago (2 children)

It's even more directly stated, and specifically about the wine Jesus made. After he turned water into wine, the guests were specifically remarking that hosts generally feed their guests good wine early in the night and pull out cheaper wine after the guests are drunk and can't tell the difference... But in this case they saved the best for last.

This is great because it also is a counter point to the argument that some preachers say to the youth about it being DRUNKENNESS that god doesn't like.

Nope, not intrinsically, because Jesus lit up a party full of ALREADY drunk people with more booze.

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[–] Bunnylux 13 points 10 months ago

Hahahahahhahha

[–] zepheriths 39 points 10 months ago (13 children)

For anyone that doesnt know, humans have evolved a significant tolerance to alcohol because it does infact exist in nature in rotting fruit (you take what you can in 400000 bc) there are reports of moose losing it after only a few fermented Apples. And Elephant reportedly can get deliriously drunk off of a single beer.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I had a dog that loved beer but he was a nasty drunk. He would knock beers over to lap them up, then start growling and barking for more. Then he'd puke, eat the puke, and pass out.

[–] ashok36 38 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Sounds like a roommate I had once. You're sure he wasn't just a short bearded man named Matthew?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

If he was I am guilty of so many crimes

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 10 months ago

Yea fuck the Catholics in particular, drinking all that wine like it’s the “blood of Christ”. Like Christ would ever touch alcohol!

[–] Fades 35 points 10 months ago (2 children)

cue the morons trying to say it was just grape juice

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[–] schema 27 points 10 months ago

I think the beer brewing monasteries didn't get the memo.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wait until he finds out that humans have been drinking alcohol recreationally for at least 8000 years. I reckon heaven would be really rather empty if only people who never drank any alcohol were allowed in

[–] keen1320 18 points 10 months ago

First you have to convince him that the earth is more than 8000 years old.

[–] edgemaster72 18 points 10 months ago

I hope he posted that on naturally occurring social media sites, not the kind created and run by fallen men, because the earth has never produced a single social media site.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago (2 children)

The earth has never produced a single drop of alcohol

Oh boy, do I have news for you!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palm_wine

Granted it's not produced in the tree, but it's basically alcohol by the time people take the sap container off the tree, no human intervention needed.

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[–] MargotRobbie 18 points 10 months ago

If God didn't create alcohol, then why does booze taste so good? Checkmate, Tiff.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Bruh moment.

If it's impossible by nature then how could we accomplish it

He must have skipped homework numerous times in his holy book.

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[–] negativeyoda 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Jokes on you: evangelicals only read the old testament

[–] Siegfried 20 points 10 months ago

Psalm 104, 14:15 (while enumerating the great things God gave us)

[14] He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for people to cultivate— bringing forth food from the earth: [15] wine that gladdens human hearts, oil to make their faces shine, and bread that sustains their hearts.

Inb4, we are using oil the wrong way

[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (5 children)
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[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

The reader suggested context blurb is the best thing to ever happen to Twitter

[–] Poppa_Mo 15 points 10 months ago

Should introduce this guy to the raccoons that get drunk and fat from the apples that ferment after falling off our tree.

[–] Leap 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] dipshit 12 points 10 months ago

Like when a fallen man (Jesus) turned water into wine. Good story, kid.

[–] Lightor 11 points 10 months ago (4 children)

John 2:1-11 New International Version

Jesus Changes Water Into Wine

2 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

4 “Woman,[a] why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”

5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[b]

7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.

8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”

They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”

11 What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.

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