Explosive if true
this post was submitted on 24 Feb 2025
690 points (98.6% liked)
Programmer Humor
20763 readers
2407 users here now
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Rules
- Keep content in english
- No advertisements
- Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
You mean…. Implosive?
Real men end up in my office for 30-45 minutes straight being yelled at like I'm some 80s police chief.
You're a itchy trigger finger, and I swear to God I'll have your ssh keys on my desk if you push to production again. Now get out... and don't let the door hit you on your ass on your way out!
Then there's my boss who's like just merge it and we'll figure it out. I'm constantly asking him if we should maybe do some user testing, or for the love of God set up a staging environment.
I have to test the everloving fuck out of everything I do but cause I know it isn't going to get reviewed or tested by anyone but me. I guess that's why he keeps doing it, because very little actually breaks anything but it's definitely giving me more grey hair lol
Integration tests? More like disintegration tests
mOvE FAsT aNd bREaK THinGs
Hey now, when you test in production...
... you gotta aim for the stars.
I want Musk, Zuckerberg, and Bezos on the same rocket. Also I want a spectacular fireworks display!
Hey, it's perfectly possible to create a catastrophic test environment. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_1
Note: A more updated picture is not available, as we never found his ultra compressed remains.
thatDude.tar.bz2
The ocean:
tar -cvjSf thatDude.tar.bz2 thatDude
You're remembered for the rules you break.
Fail early fail once.
Everybody has a test environment, but some people also have a seperate production environment
I should put this on a sign next to the blinkenlights one
my work we had test, stage and prod. test was very unstable as every merge auto deployed, so stage was semi stable where you would push changes you verified in test. then one day they decided to remove the stage environment. we have no data in test, other teams never passed data there, so we setup a semi production environment that has data and cost 10x as much. now they want to setup a stage environment to save costs but they don't want to call it stage because that was bad and was too expensive. so they came up with a new name and are making everyone update to push data there. honestly i can't take watching these people be praised for their innovation and promoted to make more of these shit decisions. the world's gone mad and the madder you are the more you're rewarded.
so they came up with a new name and are making everyone update to push data there. honestly i can't take watching these people be praised for their innovation and promoted to make more of these shit decisions.
This happens so often it is crazy. A bunch of people got hooked up with high salary welfare jobs and now they got to justify their existence. It's why they like having meetings where nothing productive gets done and they try out their boring ass jokes.
a junior dev asked me one time about our dev test environments. I chuckled before starting to look him dead in the eyes for 50 seconds straight without saying a single word, but my lips quivering. he had audible gasps as if to speak, but was ultimately speechless the entire time. he understood though. I could tell from the 1ml tear that formed only on his left eye. he pushed. prod crashed. we stayed late on a friday. management ordered pizza. I'm lonely and I love pizza. was all part of the plan.
Is this a copy pasta?
Username checks out.
I love pizza.
You can put chicken, on pizza.
(That comma has no business being there, but it doesn't read right without it.)
Chickens love pizza too
Bam. Roasted.
Literally. The sudden compression would have briefly caused everything in that capsule to combust like a fire piston.
"Just fucking send it" - that guy
Oh nonono. Real men rest in rest. Then push to stage for QA testing, then flip blue green to go to prod.
Anything else is insane.
Yes, I test in production and so should you
- Charity Majors
I put in a bunch of asserts and it ran on my machine, we’re good.