Let the bidding begin!
I have four. And I'm declaring a 25% tariff on eggs sold by u/over_clox
So there.
this post was submitted on 02 Feb 2025
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As long as I get the tariff. We have our first bidder!
Can I interest you in more Eggs?
Those look like 3D printed synthetic eggs.
Does this package include the 3D printed synthetic chicken they came from?
No, but I give you the file so you can print you own chicken! 🐔
Sir/mam, this file is for a rooster. How do you egg a rooster?
Whoops wrong file.
DO NOT PRINT COCK.STL ITS NOT AN ANIMAL.
Shit, too late.
It still looks like an animal! How long before it lays an egg?
J..just don't eat them.
These are hard times yo, protein is protein..
Joke's on you, you left geolocation on.
Touché future egg thief, good luck getting past our dog..
I am personally outraged by the cruelty displayed on the pic! That dino was probably a lovely chap!!! Would you like your corpse to be unearthed and mended into a ball holder?!???
Now if you excuse me I will go and stab some chickens and preschoolers to calm down, am gonna have a fucken anurism…
What in the fuck did I just read? 😂🤣
Would you like your corpse to be unearthed and mended into a ball holder?!???
Get the fuck out of my head!
Happy anurism💫
I have for trade one exclusive NFT of a very rare, never used, forbidden thong of Margaret Thatcher. It portrays, in is fully majestic form, a stalwart Iron Lady in an iron chainmail thong, on horseback facing the sunset with a British flag atop Westminster Abbey.
It has been described as magnificent by my dope man next door, who gives it the highest of praise for capturing the essence of his ex-wife's nature, saying "she's just like that battle-axe of mine."
This will surely be worth all three eggs.
Best we can do is two eggs. Someone already bought one.
But sir slash madam, this NFT is priceless slash worthless. Surely it is worth at least three full eggs! Perhaps you can bop one of those chickens to get another one.
You're in luck! The last customer dropped the egg, and it didn't break!
I think it was boiled, hope that's acceptable..
Eggcelent! The NFT will be shipped shortly in a slightly damp envelope that smells faintly of coconut, as that is what my workshop smells like 3/4ths of the year. Also, this way you can distinguish it from the rest of the junk mail.
As a tip, I've also included a rare strand of Maggie Thatcher's pubic hair, as a gift free of charge. Enjoy!
Finally you can buy a house for an apple and an egg again.
I’ll offer you three eggs in tomorrow’s eggs which will be worth more than the three eggs you have today.
When tomorrow comes, I’ll borrow three eggs from somebody else to pay you back.
I'll buy your egg debt and package it with other sub-prime egg debts and sell sections of the debt to hege funds.
Quail eggs don't count.
NEXT BIDDER!
Half-brown eggs?
No, these are plain white chicken eggs. Blame the color confusion on our two different color LED lights in the kitchen.
NEXT BIDDER!
That's what you get from Biden's DEI egg-laying policies. A bunch of mud blood filth instead of AMERICAN eggs.
First rule of eggs is never tell people how many eggs you have
That would give you 60 or 70 cents in civilized countries.
I'm just wondering, is it not common to have backyard chickens in the US? Where I'm from, it seems like every 1 in 12 people have a few chickens clucking about.
In rural areas of the US it's more of a thing.
In most suburban areas of the US your neighbors wouldn't appreciate the smell of chicken poo wafting into their yards, and if you have a rooster you're definitely making enemies of your neighbors who don't appreciate the unsolicited wakeup call at silly o'clock AM every day.
In cities it'd be very difficult to find the space to do any of it. I knew one city dweller who briefly kept a couple chickens on a small apartment-building rooftop area they happened to have access to; the chickens there were filthy and unhealthy without access to foraging or clean spaces and they were always fighting with pigeons and each other.
your neighbors wouldn’t appreciate the smell of chicken poo wafting into their yards,
market it as "good fresh country air!" and it'll drive up property values
We like to shoot guns around here once or twice a month, to keep property values and taxes down.
Does it look like I have enough eggs to afford property taxes?
Not if you live in an apartment.
Oddly enough, someone near our apartments has a rooster that crows damn near every morning. I'm pretty sure the rooster doesn't lay any eggs though..
It really depends. I live ina rural town with about 17,000 residents. You are allowed chickens in the city limits, but not allowed roosters. I know a few people that have chickens in their yards, but there isn't really enough apace for a chicken coop and activities in the yards since house are packed in pretty tight within coty limits. Outside city limits i would say about half the farmers have chickens as far as i can tell, but they are fairly reclusive
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In many urban places and suburban neighbourhoods with HOAs it is illegal to just keep livestock in your yard. Outside of major cities it's somewhat common
Counterpoint:
In what might be considered the original blueprint for American suburbia where I have 3 separate HoAs, just outside of Washington DC and only a few miles from a metro stop:
I’m allowed chickens as long as I provide them an outdoor run that is fenced in and a coop they can roost in. Not allowed a rooster though.
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Umm, I have some rock salt somewhere around here.
I offer a bag of IV fluids (very hot commodity)
I prefer VII fluids, or IIX if you can swing it
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