this post was submitted on 25 Jan 2025
416 points (94.8% liked)

Not The Onion

12970 readers
1418 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] ThisIsMyLemmyLogin 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (2 children)

He looks healthy enough to be a real snack for whoever gets to eat the rich

[–] Ceedoestrees 3 points 2 days ago

Just not the dick. According to this article he gets weekly penis injections, but it doesn't say of what.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago

Yeah, that's a perfectly normal thing to do.

[–] teft 156 points 3 days ago (5 children)

The dude gets weekly dick injections which he classifies as 9.5 out of 10 on a pain scale.

Weekly.

Dude is a fucking moron.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I truly hope that these people start getting massive organ failure and shit because of all of this experimental garbage they put into their bodies.

[–] kescusay 80 points 3 days ago (9 children)

9.5 out of 10. In his dick.

Has anyone asked him why he wants to live forever if that's what it takes?

[–] DharkStare 69 points 3 days ago (2 children)

"You get to live forever but in exchange you have to get incredibly painful injections in your dick on a daily basis."

Sounds like a cursed genie wish.

[–] franklin 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

What's the quality of my life? Like 20s forever or do I still age?

[–] _stranger_ 2 points 2 days ago
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] teft 45 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Right? Miss me with that dick pain immortality.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (7 replies)
[–] probably2high 9 points 3 days ago

It's like those showerthought ultimatums : You can choose to gain eternal life, but every day your dick is the subject of the worst pain you've ever felt.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 days ago

It's completely normal father-son bonding. Find a different slant.

[–] AshMan85 2 points 1 day ago

Fucking weirdos

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 days ago (3 children)

On a related note, I was just searching fdroid for a signal app. I didn't find one, but I did find an app that tracks your Morning Wood

[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Didn't think you were serious.

[–] MadBigote 4 points 2 days ago

Lol and you're downloading it!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

encouraging collaboration and innovation

Yes, let's "collaborate" in regard to our morning wood.

"Hay bro, would you mind 'innovating' with my erection this morning? No homo"

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (4 children)

Yep, thats the one

Edit: lol you're downloading it?

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] CrowAirbrush 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Dafuq kind of insight do i gain from it...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] CrowAirbrush 3 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Huh, ED caused by depression...never knew those were linked.

Interesting info, thank you.

[–] MutilationWave 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

And ED can be exacerbated by certain depression meds. There's nothing wrong with my dick. If my wife were to grab it, it would work just fine I just don't even think about sex every day and very rarely masturbate.

[–] CrowAirbrush 2 points 1 day ago

I knew about meds messing with your sex drive, been through that myself.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I'd be shocked if they weren't linked.

[–] CrowAirbrush 2 points 2 days ago

I never really read up on it, even though i should.

The wife's chronically depressed and i'm not doing much better either.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

Really ? I don't think I ever experienced this regularly ever. I have otherwise no issues getting it up

[–] postmateDumbass 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Does it require a sensor? Do they wear a fleshlight to bed? Is it camera based?

So many questions.

Also, theDailyBeast reporting on morning wood is quality humor from the matrix.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 102 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (4 children)

These erections are rigged!

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 59 points 3 days ago (7 children)

I'm about to be 40. I smoke. I don't exercise. I eat like shit.

I get erections like I was still in puberty and am horny pretty much 24/7. When the fuck does this shit stop?

[–] [email protected] 41 points 3 days ago (7 children)

When depression sets in...

load more comments (7 replies)
load more comments (6 replies)
[–] [email protected] 67 points 3 days ago (1 children)

i saw him on two separate youtube channels: Magnus Midtbø (norwegian climber) and Will Tennyson (bodybuilding vlogger)

in both cases, they were invited by Bryan Johnson to his lair, going through his routine. it felt like a surreal cringe fest of zero social awareness. Bryan was permanently looking for some kind of validation, comparing his skills to his guest, or asking the various personal trainers / doctors if he beat some younger age category, etc.

everything he does can't be healthy and i wouldn't call what he does "living". he's bound to a 24h program where everything is planned down to the minute.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 46 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (5 children)

I don't mind this guy. He's basically committing his time, money, and body towards being a guinea pig exploring means that could benefit us all. I do understand there are some arguments to be had about some less-than-scientific approaches to his experiments, but I don't think it totally negates the value.

Also, oh no, talking openly about penis health is uncomfortable to puritanical Western norms.

[–] [email protected] 46 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Talking about your dick is one thing. Talking about your sons dick and using your sons blood is just fucking creepy. Hope the kid gets good therapy for this crazy shit.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] youvegotmoxie 46 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Sucks for this guy. I’m close to his age, I drank and smoked heavily for years and I look about the age he does

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›