this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
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Microblog Memes

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A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

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[–] mrtea99 61 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Gun = Rootie Tootie Point and Shootie

[–] Amicitas 9 points 2 months ago

Pointy Shootie

[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 months ago

can't believe they left out cruise missile: zoomy boomy

[–] yesman 44 points 2 months ago (6 children)

FYI: Defibrillators don't start the heart, they stop it.

The heart doesn't stop in many heart attacks. Instead it just beats erratically and in a way that doesn't pump blood well. Shocking the heart to stop it (what a defib does) causes the nerve cells to "reboot" and start beating regularly again.

Shocking a victim who's heart has stopped is useless and automatic defibrillators won't go off until they've detected the arrhythmia.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago

Hearty restarty

[–] Ultraviolet 23 points 2 months ago (2 children)

It's essentially the "have you tried turning it off and back on again" of cardiology.

[–] WhatAmLemmy 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

When I was a teenager my computer survived years of percussive maintenance. All I'm saying is, have doctors tried beating the shit out of their patients?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Mind blown! 🤯

[–] wurstgulasch3000 8 points 2 months ago

I blame House MD for this common misconception

[–] angrystego 4 points 2 months ago

Yes, thank you, I'm glad you mentioned it here, it doesn't happen often enough. I mean, it's even in the name, right? Defibrillator gets rid of fibrillation - the erratic beating!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

And hippos aren't buoyant.

[–] wallybeavis 32 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Brazilian Waxing = Shiny Giny

[–] ivanafterall 31 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Beans = Farty Starties

Because they give you gas (pooty booty).

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

And if they went bad, you get booty shooty (diarrhea).

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

maybe pocket baby

[–] Etterra 5 points 2 months ago
[–] Acamon 23 points 2 months ago

The lol per pixel ratio of this meme was significantly above the mean

[–] over_clox 19 points 2 months ago

Erectile Dysfunction = Teenie Weenie

[–] tteok 19 points 2 months ago

I am literally reading this on my squatty potty (if you don't have one - BUY ONE)

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

It's a travesty that they aren't called "Fuzzy Buzzies"

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

You can thank the US Army for that: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SCR-300

[–] baldingpudenda 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Huh, I thought defibrillators were for arrhythmias, but it's also for cardiac arrest.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Yup, and it fucking sucks (better than dying though) to have one used on you.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

...now I want to try it. Which is probably unwise.

[–] HappycamperNZ 4 points 2 months ago

Call of the void.

Yeah, id probably join you.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

It should be called Hearty Stoppy. That's what they do. Stop your heart so it can reboot in safe mode.

[–] davidagain 6 points 2 months ago

I am completely on board with this and suggest we amend all the dictionaries immediately.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Pooper scooper -> Poopy Scoopy

[–] pjwestin 4 points 2 months ago
[–] Seasm0ke 3 points 2 months ago

I call noodles, long ass rice.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

Perhaps my favorite meme ever

[–] Etterra 2 points 2 months ago

Well it's that or the Action Comics method.

Alliteration for everyone!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

I can only read this in Paul McCartney’s voice…

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Tractor trailers = big rigs.

[–] ThePyroPython 2 points 2 months ago

Surely Stamps should be called Lickie-Stickie-Posties.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

Real object names.

[–] affiliate 1 points 2 months ago

glowy hoppy

[–] over_clox 1 points 2 months ago

Prison Snitch = Snitchie Bitchies get the Stitchies