this post was submitted on 13 Sep 2024
346 points (91.4% liked)

Asklemmy

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Edit: Wow, this really blew up. Thanks for the updoots, kind strangers.

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[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 hours ago
[–] Linkerbaan 43 points 3 days ago (2 children)

This is a repost from half a year ago OP is a karma farming bot

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] RagingRobot 15 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

r/beatmeattoit

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[–] Aeri 31 points 3 days ago (2 children)

YOUR POST HAS BEEN REMOVED

Your post has been removed for violating Rule 3.14159: All posts must adhere to the Pythagorean Theorem, ensuring that the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides. Failure to comply with this fundamental geometric principle will result in immediate banishment from our hallowed domain.

Please be advised that this is a strict enforcement of our community guidelines. As a consequence of your transgression, your post has been removed, and you have been permanently banned from participating in our discussions.

We trust that you will heed this warning and strive to uphold the integrity of our community in the future. May your digital journey be filled with enlightenment and adherence to the Pythagorean Theorem.”

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

Why this community is so anti-non-euclidean

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[–] WhyAUsername_1 25 points 3 days ago

Here, take the poor man's gold πŸ…

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 47 points 4 days ago (5 children)
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[–] [email protected] 51 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Would have upvoted but it was at 69

[–] ettyblatant 41 points 4 days ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

/u/repostSlothBoat

[–] rustyfish 32 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] duckduckohno 17 points 3 days ago

Mod, please perma ban this ahole already.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago

Thanks for the gold!

[–] tee9000 24 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)
[–] model_tar_gz 17 points 3 days ago

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

[–] [email protected] 178 points 5 days ago (15 children)
[–] [email protected] 147 points 5 days ago

Wow, really well said. Extremely important that everyone reads this info above

Edit: thanks for the gold, kind stranger

[–] experbia 14 points 3 days ago

Howdy, fellow buckaroo!

Your post has been automatically removed and you have been temporarily banned by our extremely slow moderation bot on /r/nicheHobby for the following rule violations that are definitely related to our hobby and definitely are not weird in-jokes from our power tripping mods or the 5 weird wannabe-mod sycophants that orbit them:

  • It is currently Thursday. No vowels are permitted in otherwise helpful, high-quality on-topic posts until Friday at 5am EST.

Source of error in your post:

Hi guys, I have the perfect solution [...]  
 ^  ^^   ^  ^ [... stopped counting after 5 violations] 

Your ban is set to expire in: 132 days. You may appeal your ban in: 100 days.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago

πŸŽ–οΈπŸ…πŸ₯‡πŸ₯ˆπŸ₯‰

[–] KellysNokia 86 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (8 children)

I came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You - I like you. You magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro.

CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed.

Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. This stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. 2/10, would not bang. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! But this has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh.

Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my [f]irst post, be gentle. I have the weirdest boner right now, so I'll be in my bunk with dat ass. Oh, you! ...now KISS!!! I know you should never stick your dick in crazy, but DM;HS.

...this kills the redditor.

OP will surely deliver. In the meantime, I'll show myself out.

Directed by M. Night Shamallama

edit: accidentally a word

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[–] _Sprite 15 points 3 days ago

Locked, Y'all can't behave.

[–] ilinamorato 45 points 4 days ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago

You have been banned from c/asklemmy

[–] [email protected] 143 points 5 days ago (7 children)
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[–] [email protected] 43 points 4 days ago

I too choose this guy's dead wife.

[–] [email protected] 130 points 5 days ago (13 children)

I have a 14 year old device with a very obscure problem, does anyone have a solution for this?

[–] [email protected] 161 points 5 days ago (3 children)

This comment has been edited in protest to reddit's decision to bully 3rd party apps into closure. If you want to do the same, you can find instructions here: http://notepad.link/share/TAk4RNJIb3vmhROVfGPV

[–] [email protected] 117 points 5 days ago

This worked perfectly, thanks!

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[–] [email protected] 58 points 4 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 115 points 4 days ago (2 children)

You post was automatically removed for not following the requirements listed in our wiki. Please find the wiki yourself because it is not linked anywhere. In particular, your post does not meet the following requirements:

  • Section 1, paragraph 3, subsection B
  • Section 18, paragraph 5, subsection AAB
  • Section 35, paragraph 1: uploading a photo* with timestamp†

* see approved photo hosts

† see ISO 8601

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[–] [email protected] 118 points 5 days ago (5 children)
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[–] zachimusprime44 96 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Sorry, your post was removed because your account doesn’t meet the requirements.

Your account must be at least 1 month old and have at least 10 karma.

Thanks.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

Where d I got karma?????

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[–] [email protected] 101 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Sexy sexitors of sexxit, how do you sexily sex sex?

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[–] [email protected] 62 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

One summer when I was a teenager, my friends and I decided to take a road trip to the next town over. We packed up my old beat-up car and set off, eager for a day of adventure and mischief. As we cruised down the highway, windows down and music blaring, I couldn't help but feel a sense of freedom and excitement. Little did I know that our carefree jaunt would take an unexpected turn in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcers table.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 4 days ago (7 children)

You've been banned from r/Pyongyang

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[–] RagingRobot 11 points 3 days ago

This just in, water is wet.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago

Now just edit your post to "Sorry this post has been removed by the creator"

[–] portuga 7 points 3 days ago

Test post please ignore

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