this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2024
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Asklemmy

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[โ€“] [email protected] 42 points 4 months ago (3 children)

The biggest, most monstrous dildo you can find.

He never uses it. Just befriends it and talks to it like in the original. Just leave the possibility hanging there.

[โ€“] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

For the entire duration, he can't work out what it actually is because it's such a weird shape and so ridiculously huge that it being a dildo never even crosses his mind

[โ€“] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

And instead of Wilson, it can be called Doc, or Dr Johnson. (Having a name like bad dragon seems a stretch, maybe baddra?)

[โ€“] Delphia 7 points 4 months ago

Latex fist.

[โ€“] [email protected] 27 points 4 months ago

A tennis ball.

[โ€“] FlashMobOfOne 26 points 4 months ago

Magic 8-Ball

This time Wilson can kinda sorta actually talk back.

[โ€“] Zachariah 19 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

This is inexplicably the best answer yet. Everyone else is working so hard to think outside the box that the box is inside-out.

[โ€“] Zachariah 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Plus, now you can include a love scene.

[โ€“] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I have absolutely zero interest in making this movie political.

[โ€“] Zachariah 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Then Iโ€™d go with airplane seat cushion instead.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago

An MRE. When supplies dwindle, our protagonist is faced with a tragic choice.

[โ€“] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

A coconut. Those who know, will know. Those who don't, may their innocence last forever.

[โ€“] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The severed head of a man named Wilson.

[โ€“] DrSleepless 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Oooh, the dead body of Owen Wilson.

[โ€“] Viking_Hippie 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Or the frustratingly unkillable body of Wade Wilson (Deadpool)

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago
[โ€“] LouNeko 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Oh wow look at what the tides have swept ashore. A Pringles can, some rubber gloves and a few sponges.

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[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Coconut would be believably available on the island, and you could have a whole arc when he runs out of water and fights over killing his friend to drink the juice, like a schizophrenic episode

[โ€“] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Step-coconut what are you doing?

[โ€“] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

A dakimakura, AKA a body pillow. Needs an anime character on it, obviously.

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Of coure the large breasted, scarcely dressed waifu of questionable age shall still be referred to as "Wilson"

[โ€“] Num10ck 10 points 4 months ago

a super valuable in-the-original packaging giant boba fett action figure, he's tormented by keeping it mint in case he ever gets back, somehow the rocket launcher ends up saving his life.

[โ€“] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

A pot plant which he might try take care of for a while before realising it's plastic, but has already grown attached to it.

[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

A 1ft tungston cube

[โ€“] thirteene 8 points 4 months ago

Wouldn't the object need to be something of deep importance to the individual or be a poetic representation? I always assumed the volleyball was a symbol of everything he left behind. Things like recreation no longer mattered; only survival. :shrug: but I also thought the movie sounded incredibly boring. If you want a random item, go for qualities like "awkward to carry" or "gets hot when left in the sun". Give your characters personality or force them to choose that object at a moment it's inconvenient.

  • An oversized diamond/ faberge egg - it's valuable, heavy or fragile and inconvenient, in a critical moment your character may need to smash it against something risking damage
  • Teddy Roxbury/furby - favorite toy growing up? Creepy voice at stalking moments? Mid point twist when the batteries die?
  • Harmonica - potentially a little Disney princess forest friend vibes
  • Bowling ball - Wilson prolly plays a little different when it's not feasible to take him on a raft, prevents you from climbing trees and burns precious calories transporting. Mobility is now a plot point. Decent weapon tho
  • Toilet plunger/brush - everyday object that can be utilized differently, maybe adds that little bit extra reach to save the day?
[โ€“] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

A bowling ball. Can change some of the script so he catches it before it rolls off the raft but he falls in the water with it. He's too heavy and weak to make it back to the raft so he has to let go and watch it immediately sink or he's taken under too (also a good reference how it's hard to save someone from drowning when you're near drowning yourself). Definitely thought of a dildo first till I saw everyone else put it up though.

[โ€“] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Some bowling balls float.

[โ€“] HootinNHollerin 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[โ€“] jewbacca117 2 points 4 months ago

Starring JD Vance

[โ€“] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

A fleshlight.

[โ€“] themusicman 6 points 4 months ago

Wilson from House M.D., who, after surviving cancer, decided to retire from oncology and live as a recluse on a desert island.

[โ€“] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

The corpse of Harry Potter that's slowly coming back to life

Oh wait, that movie exists already

[โ€“] AndrewZabar 6 points 4 months ago
[โ€“] victorz 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Do your work for you, you say?

Or is this a hobby project?

[โ€“] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Do your work for you, you say?

That reminds me, tomorrow I will need everyone here to proofread the latest revision of my screenplay for the "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" horror movie.

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[โ€“] bandwidthcrisis 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Can I just suggest that to mix things up a bit, this one should be set on a peninsula.

[โ€“] bandwidthcrisis 3 points 4 months ago

Ooh, I've thought of one: a helium balloon. Imagine the tension as he occasionally forgets to hold the string!

[โ€“] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

A walkie talkie that he can't find any batteries for.

[โ€“] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Oh look, a chainsaw. Now I just have to find gas...

[โ€“] Warl0k3 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Miss Piggy.

[โ€“] mostNONheinous 3 points 4 months ago

A furby or tickle me Elmo.

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Some piece of very modern technology that floats. I think Wilson in the movie represents Hank's character's last grasp at a shred of civilization, so he holds onto it as hard as he can. My first idea was an e-ink tablet with an author's face on it, but that's a little too on the nose. Maybe it should be something that reflects how much more reliant we are on our modern conveniences than we were during the original.

Edit: Raycon earbuds. He calls them Ray and if you're lucky that might also bring in some sponsorship money

[โ€“] BeatTakeshi 2 points 4 months ago

A toaster. Toasters are friends

[โ€“] Chainweasel 2 points 4 months ago

The same volleyball, but he's imagining it and he's the only one who can see it.

[โ€“] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

How about a pet rock?

[โ€“] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

A mannequin

[โ€“] sibannac 1 points 4 months ago
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