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JD Vance Has Panic Attack After Learning Jesus Was Childless (theshovel.com.au)

submitted 4 months ago by DxK to c/[email protected]

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[–] Cadeillac 89 points 4 months ago (4 children)

He also had a panic attack over being gay

"I'll never forget the time I convinced myself that I was gay. I was eight or nine, maybe younger, and I stumbled upon a broadcast by some fire-and-brimstone preacher. The man spoke about the evils of homosexuals, how they had infiltrated our society, and how they were all destined for hell absent some serious repenting. At the time, the only thing I knew about gay men was that they preferred men to women. This described me perfectly: I disliked girls, and my best friend in the world was my buddy Bill. Oh no, I'm going to hell."

When he brought up the issue with his grandmother — known to Vance as "Mamaw" — she replied bluntly: "Don't be a fucking idiot, how would you know that you're gay?"

When Vance explained his reasoning, she laughed.

"JD, do you want to suck dicks?" she said, according to the book.

The young Vance, apparently "flabbergasted," said: "Of course not!"

"Then you're not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay," she replied. "God would still love you."

[–] Okokimup 22 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I had the same problem with masturbation. My religion made a big deal over what a sin it was, and we had no sexual education, so literally the only thing I knew was that it meant touching your own genitals, which I did whenever I needed to scratch or adjust myself. It was panic-inducing and miserable.

[–] Cadeillac 13 points 4 months ago

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I feel things of this sort pushes more people away from religion. I don't personally find that to be a bad thing, but it seems counter-intuitive to their mission

[–] theangryseal 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

lol I love this.

[–] Cadeillac 2 points 4 months ago

Good, you'll probably be seeing more of it

[–] disguy_ovahea 19 points 4 months ago (2 children)

According to a story from The Christian Science Monitor, authors of the book, "The Lost Gospel," say they have uncovered a manuscript that details the marriage between Jesus and Mary Magdalene that produce two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim.

https://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/2014/1110/1-400-year-old-manuscript-points-to-Jesus-wife-and-kids-authors-say

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Manasseh and Ephraim.

I read his son's names translated as Jacob and James, named after their father and after their dead uncle, but also a first-born daughter Tamarah.

Eventually his family migrated slowly to settle in northern Spain. You want some sang-real, go there, Indy.

[–] disguy_ovahea 1 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

You’re right. That’s how it reads. I read the names in another article years ago, but I’m not sure where.

Edit: Not that it matters, but I found it. It’s referencing the same article, so it was probably editor or web scraping bot error.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Who’s his mom, according to that text?

[–] disguy_ovahea 22 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Jesus’s mother Mary is not Mary Magdalene. They were two different people. Neither Mary (Maryam, Mariam, Myriam) had a traditional last name. Mary Magdalene, meaning Mary from Magdala, was referred to as a repentant sinner that Jesus defended and befriended in the New Testament.

https://www.catholic.com/magazine/online-edition/who-is-mary-magdalene

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Were Jesus and Mags banging?

[–] disguy_ovahea 20 points 4 months ago (1 children)

According to the Lost Gospel, yes. There’s also plenty of evidence in the New Testament that Mary was deeply committed to Jesus. She famously stood with the Virgin Mary and witnessed Jesus’s crucifixion and burial, and then later wept at his tomb.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You offer good insight, also I like your username

[–] disguy_ovahea 9 points 4 months ago

Thanks. I’m a dog person too, so right back at ya.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Very interesting, even though the theory has been dismissed. Thanks!

[–] dogsnest 18 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

....that HE knows of....

herp-a-derp.

[–] lemmyviking 17 points 4 months ago

Oh, man, the next time my neighbor goes shooting off their mouth about how two men/women can't be good parents and the new childless BS I'm gonna look at him and drop this on him.

[–] inclementimmigrant 4 points 4 months ago

Come one, you know with Republicans, it only counts if it's a woman.