The Onion

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The Onion

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Bartlet, who says he used to enjoy Pokemon, soda, and being alive, tells everyone how great it is to be left totally defenseless against common childhood diseases from the 1940s.

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Latest AI Enhancement Includes 'Biological Function Simulation Protocol'

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While experts have chillingly predicted that Trump may soon be able to identify Canada on a globe, others have offered hope.

“I don’t often say this as a medical professional, but we’ve really got dementia on our side here,” explains Dr. Arthur Anderson of the Calgary Alzheimers Research Alliance.

Dr. Anderson elaborates, “Given how much of the campaign President Trump spent rambling to Joe Rogan and jerking off microphones, the prognosis indicates that by January he won’t be able to find a bathroom unassisted, let alone Canada.”

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