Ask Lemmy

This was probably a decade ago, my brother and I went dirt bike riding with my dad. I had gone with dad a few summers in a row now, but it was my brother's first time in years. So, dad started to go over with him basic bike riding stuff. Not having it, my brother declared "I know what I'm doing dad" and ignored everything he was being told.

He proceeded to start the bike, rev the throttle to max, and dump the clutch all at once. He popped a wheelie and made it probably ten feet before crashing while dad and I just completely lost our shit cracking up. He was fine, btw, it was just majestic. He didn't go riding with us again after that though.

For several months I had a sharp pain in my chest and I worried that i was developing some sort of heart trouble.

Then one day I realized that my friend and I have this inside joke where we clap our hands really rapidly ehenever we do something exciting or get excited about an idea like visiting a great restaurant or something.

So I stopped doing the excited clap for a few days and the heart pain went away, hahaha.

I was probably repeatedly straining a muscle by rapid-clapping like a madman all the time.

I still laugh at myself sometimes when I think about it. it only happened about a year ago.

My friends and I stole a speed sign in our early 20s on the road a friend lives on. Not just the sign, but the pole and concrete boot too. So there was just a hole in the ground where the sign use to be.

15 years later, they haven't replaced it. When they resurfaced the road about 5 years after we acquired the sign they also updated all the signage with painted road markings too. But all the markings were absent from where we stole the sign from.

It's like they don't even know the sign was there to begin with.

Me and my little brother are riding in the car with our mom. I was 12 and my mom was teasing me about my first girlfriend. My little brother had met her, so my mom asks him "What do you think of Waldowal's girlfriend?".

That when my brother decides to break out a new phrase he'd learned: "Let's just say, as long as I have a face, she's got a place to sit!"

In Amsterdam i boarded a busy tram, headed for the centre away from a trade show.

A lot of people had boarded at the back of the tram, so the woman driving the tram got on the intercom and asked in her dry and flat Amsterdam accent of people could please move to the front of the tram, not many people complied.

A minute or so later somebody cut the tram off in traffic, necessitating her to brake sharply. Quite a few people stumbled forward due to the sudden deceleration.

Not dropping a beat she was back on the intercom, saying: 'well that's they other way of getting it done, but next time please listen'. Her casual delivery was brilliant. Best time I've had in public transport.

The night before my school week started when I was in high school my cousin had been over and we'd been playing Call of Duty. Now, he had just learned of another word for farting and he kept on saying it while we played. So, naturally, that's what I thought that word meant.

Next day I went to school and during art class I told my teacher "Ugh, I just queefed. Can I use the washroom?" The whole class heard me and that's when I found out that queef didn't mean the passing of ass gas.

I was on a night train, alone in the compartment, when a door opened around 2am letting in a very tall guy built like a fridge. I'm above average in height and build and he dwarfed me. He had a face to match including a long scar going from his eye to the jaw bone. Think Marv from Sin City, but more grim and less charming.

He nodded, took off his coat and that's when I noticed a clerical collar.

A very friendly chipmunk who had been hanging out with us when we were camping (seriously he ate all meals with us and sat on my shoe while I read) got into our tent and ran over my back when we were having sex.

Also as a naive preteen I listened to Motley Crue and their song Girls Girls Girls had a line about menage a trois. I had no idea what that was, so I very innocently asked my French teacher.

My two only friends (in the strict sense of the word) famously like to photobomb as one of their hobbies. Including in my own content, sometimes I surprise myself learning how far-reaching they have succeeded with this, I might be reading something that seems like it would come from a foreign country, and there they are.

Nothing really.