this post was submitted on 25 May 2024
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[–] macrocarpa 320 points 7 months ago (10 children)

Not sure who I'm writing this for or who but will share it anyway

can I maybe humanise piper Perri a bit?

Well post this scene she had a kid. Split with the dad. Got into a new relationship. 25 years old.

She left said 21 month old son in the care of her boyfriend. Returns to find the child hospitalised with multiple suspicious injuries and severe internal head trauma.

She started a gofundme to pay for his treatment. Trolled of course because porn star. The largest contributor was funnily enough an adult site.

Son didn't make it. She requested his organs be donated so he could live on in other people. His death meant three other kids had longer / better lives.

The boyfriend went to court. Gave conflicting reasons as to how the injuries occurred during interviews then settled on the old fell down the stairs response. The cause of death noted as shaken baby syndrome.

That's what I see when I see this meme. A mother whose kid was killed but had the grace and heart to use her son's passing to help other kids live. One day these kids will see the meme and not realise they're alive because of the choices of that woman.

She had sex on camera with some black guys in a taboo scene which plays on the white male insecurity fetish, which we now use as a shortcut to mean being taken advantage of. Weird, huh.

Anyway. Julienne, I hope you're doing well.

[–] [email protected] 124 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (3 children)

In case this is ever useful for someone to read:

It is OK to just put a child down and leave the room if you can't handle them for whatever reason. It doesn't make you a bad person. Just leave the room, get some space and call someone for help if you need it.

Update: was not expecting a meme/prank about porn to generate such a thoughtful and valuable discussion about child safety and cultural attitudes to parenting. Thank you Piper Perri.

[–] [email protected] 49 points 7 months ago

As a parent of two young autistic children, breaks are very important. You will parent better and they will react better

[–] [email protected] 27 points 7 months ago (3 children)

Wow. No kids here. But this is absolutely not the narrative I’ve picked up through mostly American media. In the back of my mind is this pull that essentially says that if a baby is awake—especially if they’re being frustrating—it should not be alone.

The wow is because 1. I wasn’t even aware I felt that way, and 2. because it’s in conflict with what sounds like helpful advice.

[–] ilinamorato 42 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I'm a parent of four, at least two of whom are autistic, and I can confirm. A child is almost never in danger in their crib; and if you are unsure of your ability to control your anger, they are potentially in danger in your arms.

American popular media has a fairly rosy and tidy view of kids. Even when they're portrayed as difficult, they're still lovable scamps. And, to be clear, kids are great; I love being a dad more than almost anything I've ever done.

But they're also very difficult; and no matter how even-keeled you are in normal life, you find yourself in a pretty dark place when they're still crying and you're on your third night in a row with only two hours of sleep. Sitcoms never show the end of the frayed rope.

I haven't ever shaken or otherwise harmed my children. But I have often been horrified by the dark intrusive thoughts that come into my mind at 3am; and four kids in, I'm much more comfortable with leaving them in bed.

[–] lennybird 11 points 7 months ago (4 children)

My wife and I joke about this all the time — how the hell can we become more like Daniel Tiger's parents!? We swear right off-camera in the other room they're ripping a massive bong or something to remain that chill.... And Daniel, that kid is perfect, listens to reason all the time, and pretty much never has a tantrum!

Just once I want to see Daniel lose his shit followed by the parents who are exhausted trying to hold it together. I want a realistic portrayal of parenting and childhood tantrums. I want to see the parents break down and over-punish or say something wrong but then retract and come back and say sorry, etc.

That being said, we take our own deep breaths, try our best to comfort our kiddos when we can and ensure that all their needs are met. And when all else fails—gas, diaper, food, play-time, teething, checking for cold symptoms, holding them in a low-stimulus room, etc. — we give them a little time to try to calm down or take a nap. On the flip-side, we're not fans of the CIO method and aren't just going to let them go on and on for a half hour or more. A reset after that tends to reveal whatever the problem is.... But anyway, we're still learning.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I hear you fellow dad. I doubt anyone wants to admit it but we all have limits to our patience, kindness and responsibility, especially, like you say, when deprived of sleep and getting screamed in the earhole for long periods of time. Kids (and especially babies of course) don't understand that. A couple of times I've been so strung out and stressed that I've had to put the baby down and go outside and beat the earth with a stick. This was much easier to do, having previously been given the advice by a midwife. It's too easy to think you should have infinite patience, which is why I think things can go tragically wrong in some cases.

[–] ilinamorato 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

No kidding. My outlet is a long bike ride, but that assumes my wife is home and not also feeling at the end.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

Trampolines work wonders. Even one of the little ones. Jumping rope is good too, if you're good at it. Your leg muscles are your biggest muscles and engaging them will burn off the most stress hormones the most efficiently.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, there's a totally inflexible cultural expectation of parents to be there for their kids no matter what, with no regard for bedrock emotional and psychological limitations or even common sense. Incidentally, I think this is why so many people are shocked and appalled when they become adults in the big bad world and discover that it isn't devoted to them. It's a tough gig for the best of us but if you've been brought up with an illusion of god-like figures who can unfailingly be summoned at all times to protect you from everything then I think adulthood is a wake-up call that probably never ends.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

Your advice isn't bad - breaks are good and a few moments of crying aren't so bad, but shaken baby syndrome has some serious problems as an explanation of the injuries it gets used for:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC381308/

Their conclusions are remarkably similar to those of Donohoe, who found that “the evidence for shaken baby syndrome appears analogous to an inverted pyramid, with a very small database (most of it poor quality original research, retrospective in nature, and without appropriate control groups) spreading to a broad body of somewhat divergent opinions.”

Reviewing the studies achieving the highest quality of evidence rating scores, Donohoe found that “there was inadequate scientific evidence to come to a firm conclusion on most aspects of causation, diagnosis, treatment, or any other matters,” and identified “serious data gaps, flaws of logic, inconsistency of case definition.”

The problem here is that the story about a shaken baby has taken hold, and so anyone who has actually beaten up a baby can grab onto it and lie and say they shook the baby, they just lost control, they didn't intend any harm, and it makes them look less evil.

And obviously you can't trust the account of someone who may be lying to cover up what amounts to infanticide. Reading the account above it's clear the boyfriend was changing his story to cover up something horrific that he did. "Fell down the stairs" is another common one but it sounds like a cover up. Shaken baby syndrome still has popular credibility so it gets used.

The other side of this problem is that there may be reasons why children have internal haemorrhages that aren't related to abuse, but which then get blamed on shaken baby syndrome. Innocent grieving parents have been sent to prison and told that their actions killed their baby. They may even have believed it, until their conviction was overturned because a real expert was brought in who was able to demonstrate that it was all bullshit. Those are the cases that were overturned in time - child abusers don't do well in prison.

Another negative effect of the narrative around this questionable diagnosis is that parents are taught that they are a danger to their children because of some heretofore unknowable impulse to shake their child to death. I can tell you I had plenty of moments when I felt like I was losing my mind from the crying and sleep deprivation, but doing anything that might hurt my child never crossed my mind, not once.

When I was a new parent there was no end of bizarre, sensationalist bullshit bombarding us from all sides telling us all the ways we were destined to hurt or kill our kids, most of which was just designed to sell us crap we didn't need. In this case a lot of this is sensationalism that sells tabloids and the services of forensic "experts". New parents don't need more sources of anxiety, so I think we should reserve these kinds of warnings for problems that we actually know are problems.

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[–] secretlyaddictedtolinux 50 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

she sounds like a really cool person and it's awful that happened to her son

this joke isn't making fun of her or saying she's a bad person. people can like porn like this without being bad or racist people.

but i'm glad you told us a bit about who she is. porn stars and sex workers do something really kind, in a way, because they are providing something people really want, but may not otherwise get, which is also a fundamental human need. i hope one day society changes and we glorify sex workers for being valuable members of society and i hope one day being a porn star is completely a choice and doesn't have to be disentangled from "late stage capitalism" or extremely unequal wealth distribution or whatever you want to call our current era. People who star in pornography, if not forced to star in it due to poverty, choose to become slightly public figures, in a strange way, and should expect possible jokes like this. this joke is not making fun of her, it's making fun of the play on words. it sucks she was trolled for a gofundme, however, and perhaps this joke should be seen in that context as therefore being unfair.

did the boyfriend get convicted? is she doing alright now? i hope she's doing well too. there are between 3-6 parents out there who owe everything to her right now and always will.

[–] mechoman444 35 points 7 months ago

Well, for like thirty seconds I was amused by this post and now I feel like complete shit.

Thank you internet strange.

[–] kofe 21 points 7 months ago

Thank you for sharing this. She and her son deserve it

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (3 children)

To pull on one thread of your very sad story: the shocking displays of racism in seemingly all black/white interracial porn is beyond disgusting. I think it plays a big part in perpetuating racism in younger white men, because in their very formative years, seeing the type stuff I’ve scrolled past? It can seemingly only work to turn men on if it plays on racism. And some of them lean so hard into this that it’s just outright racism. But when people are scrolling porn, they’re not in their right minds. So if they have those racist inclinations, or they just grew up almost never interacting with any Black people, it only serves to pile racist stereotypes and conditioning into their brains. It’s disgusting.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I dunno. I've watched vids in this genre when the lady performer is someone I'm already interested in seeing. They don't make me feel insecure or engender racism in me. But then again, I was already an adult when broadband internet became a thing. And true broadband, fast enough to allow instant streaming, was still years after that. I can see your point for kids growing up with it though.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Yeah, I definitely mean more now. When I was a kid, we didn’t have just huge scrollers of porn. You had to look for what/who you wanted. Now, in this time of “maximum engagement” and algorithms, they will put popular stuff in front of you, hoping to get you watching. It’s gotta be where a lot of the incest interest comes in, too. And the more inflammatory they make the titles, the more they can put you onto specific niches of taboo pleasure, the more likely it is they can get you to click and keep clicking. So they will put like “I SHRED my INNOCENT little sister’s VIRGIN PUSSY” or like “four HUGE DICKED black men VIOLATE this young pristine WHITE PUSSY”

Like…ew. What the fuck.

Just another example of how the internet has been weaponized and bastardized from the early days.

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[–] feedum_sneedson 17 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Weirdly I only really know about her in the context of her losing a child and memes of black things around a white thing. I'm not American so the skin colour of the male performers doesn't have the same impact on me, and I'm not compelled to watch it. I like petite women, but yeah. Really harsh. Just kind of want to give her a hug, even though I'm as much of a disgusting pervert as the next guy.

[–] eran_morad 8 points 7 months ago

Heartbreaking.

[–] dgmib 7 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Since I get the feeling I don’t want to look it up.

What were the alleged ”liberal media lies” that “ruined” this girls life?

[–] indepndnt 29 points 7 months ago

The image in this post is trolling. If someone searches the suggested phrase, they'll find a porn video. All of the text before that is meant to bait Trump supporters into wanting to know more. There were no liberal media lies about her. The comment you're replying to gives some (presumably true) background on her but doesn't really have anything to do with the completely fabricated original post.

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[–] [email protected] 95 points 7 months ago (1 children)

An in-depth probe was done by the BBC. Both parties seemed satisfied in the end.

[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In 8 points 7 months ago

You have unintentionally demonstrated your purity with this comment.

You may pass into heaven.

[–] [email protected] 57 points 7 months ago

I lay in bed some nights and ask myself, "Why God? Why didn't they take me instead of her?!" Sometimes, life just isn't fair.

[–] Late2TheParty 55 points 7 months ago (3 children)

I've watched that video over and over and over again. The librul media has gone too far! (Well tbh, once I finished the first time, I didn't have the energy to watch it again.)

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 7 months ago (1 children)

This always makes me laugh. Anyone seen the aftermath of searching this IRL?

I fucking hope so.

[–] littlebluespark 27 points 7 months ago (2 children)

I'd need a second towel for that 🤌🏽

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago

Bwahahahahaha.

Goddamn I'm a 12 year old boy at heart.

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[–] ChihuahuaOfDoom 31 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I fucking hate what they did to that poor girl.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Yeah they shafted her pretty hard.

[–] bazus1 11 points 7 months ago

Those accusations were a real gut-shot.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I already know what this is going to be, but I'm going to search it anyway.

...

Yup.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

I mean, she's literally the girl from a meme with 5 black guys

[–] [email protected] 25 points 7 months ago

Username checks out

[–] LEDZeppelin 20 points 7 months ago

Next up: Drump writes Ms. Perry $130,000 check in “legal fees”

[–] then_three_more 18 points 7 months ago (5 children)

Lol BBC liberal media. They have a massive Tory bias.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Tories have great funding from corporate, thus BBC have better funding from the Tories, capitalism baby

[–] then_three_more 8 points 7 months ago (7 children)

It's not just that. As government they have influence over who runs the BBC. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/BBC_Board

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 months ago

Forward Piper Perri BBC to sixteen people to stop the steal!

[–] wildcardology 14 points 7 months ago (1 children)

The video has been around for years and I've never seen it. Not really a fan of Piper Perri so I never bothered.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

Don't believe the lies bro.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago
[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago

It just took me 5 minutes to work out what was going on. God I'm slow these days.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

Hahaha! I didn't recognize the name (though I thought it seemed a bit familiar). I fell for the joke. But that's probably only because I don't like blonds. If the name had been a brunette, I'd have been more likely to get it without doing a search.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

The FUCKING libs! At it a gain! Tarnishing the name of this beautiful young god fearing Republican! /s

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