this post was submitted on 10 May 2024
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Greentext

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submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 
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[–] [email protected] 161 points 10 months ago (3 children)
[–] morphballganon 63 points 10 months ago

Thank you, was going to request this

[–] ThePyroPython 52 points 10 months ago

Too many pixels, I can't read it.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] Wizard_Pope 59 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago

Needs more compression!

[–] [email protected] 122 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Get stabbed

Bleed out in a literal gutter

$800 tho

[–] FilthyShrooms 57 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Fun trick! Don't try in America!

[–] gmtom 32 points 10 months ago (4 children)

If anything it would be easier in America.

Just shoot them the second they touch it. Even if they're running away with it and you shoot them in the back you will gey away with it.

[–] NoSpiritAnimal 39 points 10 months ago (1 children)

This protip only works for Cops

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago (2 children)

But then you have to move all the time. A pile of bodies might scare off bike thieves.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

Disclaimer: This post advises you to commit crimes. Do not take this post as fact.

Disclaimer pt.2: You may get away with it "in Texas, at night, and on your own property," but you have to hit all 3/3 of those, if you have 0/3, 1/3, or 2/3, you are also going to be prosecuted.

[–] graymess 8 points 10 months ago

Alternatively, run over with car. You can commit any crime while in a car and get away with it. It's the law.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Do Americans even know how to ride a bicycle?

[–] riodoro1 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yes, but they don’t know how to change gears.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Inexperienced, but possible. If only bikes worked the same way as America's best anti-theft measure: a car with manual transmission.

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 10 months ago

This anon is white

[–] [email protected] 49 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I remember there was some guy who installed spyware on a phone that couldn't be wiped off by normal means. Stuff that gave him remote camera access, location, file access, everything. Then he got that phone stolen and made a documentary about this dude's life.

[–] Zomg 18 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I remember that, he installed it as a system app and would persist through a factory reset

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I think it was baked into the OS somehow (probably what you said). He disabled system updates as well so the OS didn't wipe. The only way it could have been removed was flashing the OS, but you'd have to find out it was there to begin with.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Can someone share that video or article or whatever it is .

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[–] herrwoland 46 points 10 months ago (2 children)

It's all fun and games till the person who stole your bike has a weapon, or is bigger than you and has friends with them

[–] papalonian 38 points 10 months ago (12 children)

I'll take $75 of my profits and buy a shit new bike whenever someone I can't beat up takes it

(I cannot beat up many people. I would not profit from this model.)

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[–] [email protected] 42 points 10 months ago
[–] KISSmyOSFeddit 28 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

That's just robbery with extra steps.
AKA police work.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 94 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Answer - yes you DO need to clean under your foreskin

[–] [email protected] 62 points 10 months ago (1 children)

but then all the flavor is gone

[–] [email protected] 25 points 10 months ago (5 children)

just suck it yourself before cleaning duh

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

Or jar it up

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[–] suction 18 points 10 months ago (5 children)

I understand the “kick a dude’s ass and take their wallet” part, but not why we need the bike with gps prelude

[–] [email protected] 28 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I believe there's a quote by "Taco" in"Better call Saul" along the lines of "I love robbing criminals, because they never go to the cops"

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 10 months ago (2 children)

It's to make sure the victim deserves it.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

Lemmy needs an out of context quotes community.

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[–] unreasonabro 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

i guess you really do suck then lol

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[–] ameancow 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Seriously, it's just mugging. The bicycle part is a whole separate issue, if you do this you're just mugging people. Same crime, same potential legal consequences, same potential for getting a sharpened screwdriver in your kidney.

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[–] RegalPotoo 5 points 10 months ago

The bike thief is probably less likely to go to the police? Idk

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Enh, repeatable fetch quests are boring.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

It's a bounty hunting quest, though.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

Criminals can't call the cops...

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