this post was submitted on 25 Feb 2024
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On the internet, it is common to call a guy a misogynist, but what is the exact meaning of misogynist? Is it 1. A guy who hates women? Or 2. a guy who thinks men are superior. Or 3. A guy who believes in women should follow traditional norms like cooking. 

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[–] [email protected] 77 points 10 months ago

All 3 of those are misogynistic view points.

[–] [email protected] 66 points 10 months ago

All of the above.

Words very often have multiple definitions, or usages.

The word misogyny comes from Greek roots, miso (hatred), and gyne (woman). So misogynist literally means woman hater.

However, the form that the hate can take may not be the kind of rabid, foaming hatred you think of as hate. It can include anything from dislike or mistrust, up to the extreme of hatred.

It can also include prejudice against women, which isn't necessarily hate in the usual sense, but has the same effect.

More, when using it as a bigoted person that the bigotry is focused on women, it can definitely include stereotyping and the propagation of stereotyping.

The term does get a little over used to include people that are just poorly informed rather than those that actively practice misogyny as a belief, but even that still applies in usage.

[–] nottelling 53 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Or how about, rather than your narrow, specific 3 definitions, a fourth thing, such as how it's phrased in the wiki:

Misogyny is hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. It is a form of sexism that can keep women at a lower social status than men.

The emphasis there is why you're being called names on the internet. If you're advocating systems or societal norms of gender oppression, you're being misogynist. This remains true even if you're not doing it intentionally.

The world we live in is deeply patriarchal, so it can be hard to see these problems, because the views and opinions you've got are just "normal". Something being the norm doesn't mean it isn't oppressive, and having an opinion doesn't mean you shouldn't consider the impacts of that opinion.

Generally, if someone calls you a misogynist, and you go "bUt I rEsPeCt wOmEn", you might want to take a little time to figure out where it's coming from. It can certainly be real without fitting in your 3 tidy little self-serving definitions.

I'll also point out that you can replace nearly every instance of misogyny in this thread with racism, and replace women with black, and it would be the same discussion. Or you could swap misogyny/women with misandry/men. Oppression is oppression, no matter who holds the power.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

This is such a great explanation, thanks for taking the time to write it all out.

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[–] ickplant 39 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 39 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Why the downvotes? The community is called "no stupid questions"...

[–] half_built_pyramids 25 points 10 months ago (10 children)

There's been a lot of both sides bait recently

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[–] BleatingZombie 13 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I didn't downvote this, but I can understand why

It feels almost inflammatory

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

Judging by OPs comments so far, it does seem to at least approach that line.

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 10 months ago (21 children)

If anyone is wondering why this person thinks it common to call a guy a misogynist, look at this guy's post history.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 37 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

What? It is NOT at all common to call a guy a misogynist on the internet. It is very rare, except when actual misogynist bubbles come in contact with normal people. Most guys on the web know women and have female relatives whom they respect and appreciate and would therefore usually not act in ways that would justify calling them misogynist.

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[–] surewhynotlem 32 points 10 months ago (37 children)

These aren't different things. If you "hate" women, you think little of them. You think you're better than them. You think they're dumb baby machines that belong in the kitchen.

If you do #2 or #3, you also do #1 even if you don't think you do.

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago

Someone who hates or oppresses women. It's an aggressive form of sexism.

Women can have internalized misogyny, as well, it's not just men.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago

Your #1 is the etymological meaning of the word. For precise usage, there should be at least some element of #2, lest you inadvertently misclassify a misanthrope who hates everybody. That's assuming you're using a gender-inclusive sense of the word 'guy'; anyone can be a misogynist.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago

I think any of those three could be called misogynist. It's a pretty flexible term. It just means someone who is prejudiced against women.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago

strongly prejudiced against women.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago

Arguably, all three.

It's not the easiest concept to define. Kate Mann defines it as "the law enforcement branch of the patriarchy". It's not the philosophical justification of sexist beliefs, it's the (often violent) enforcement of them.

[–] Nefara 15 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I think it can boil down to not recognizing the personhood of women. That the infinite complexity that can come from a rich tapestry woven of culture, personality, ability, interests and experiences can be shoved into a narrow and limited role. A misogynist will only see a sex doll, or a maid, or a baby making machine etc, and then judge a woman's worth based on how well they fit in that role. If a woman doesn't perform the roles that person expects or desires then they get angry and hateful that this other human being didn't meet those unreasonable expectations of them.

Misogynists might not think they hate women, just that a woman doesn't "belong" working in a machine shop. They might not consciously think men are superior, but they see certain tasks associated with women (cleaning, care work, teaching) as low value, undesirable or less worthy of respect. They might not actively choose how to divide domestic tasks, but will say that women are "naturally" better at them. And just to be clear, plenty of women are misogynists too.

Not being a misogynist involves seeing women as equally valid and worthy humans on the same bases you would judge any other person (IE, a man).

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Points two and three are forms of point one... if you think you're superior to a class of humans then you hate those humans. If you think some people should do something because of the color of their skin or gender then you hate them... you're denying them the same freedom to act that you enjoy.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Look i don't think hate is required for misogony but this point you are making would mean that nearly every human being hates all animals. Just ask people, they LOVE animals. And also to eat them because we believe us to be superior.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

Definitely 1. and 2., imho also 3.

[–] Drivebyhaiku 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Mysogyny is the belief that women and the passtimes associated with cultural womanhood are less valuable, capable, worthy of resources and/or should have culturally different expectations or additional restrictions than men. Anything that places phenotypic female bodies or cultural "woman related stuff" on a heirachy beneath what is afforded to men is basic misogyny.

In practice a lot of mysogyny doesn't look like active hatred. It can be internalized by women themselves who don't on their face hate being female but still see womanly passtimes as being lesser. If are a woman who hates the women who wear pink, wear makeup and enjoy flirting with boys because you think their choice of expression of femininity is silly and purile... You are buying in to a heirachy based on cultural gendered lines that places the more feminine centric expressions as being lesser.

The targets aren't always women. Misogyny for instance can be seen when a gay or non-gender conforming person is riddiculed for being lesser for wanting to express the feminine as the underlying assumption is that the trappings of femininity is not a choice between two equally vaild options but choosing an option which is lower than what they should want. Meanwhile women emulating the masculine is not usually commented on because when the masculine is aspirational and the feminine is silly, trite garbage for inferior people it makes logical sense to ditch it.

Misogyny exists in our use of language. Examine for instance the word "pussy" which equates the female genetalia with cowardly behavior and "unmannly" inferiority. You are acting as a woman which is supposed to be insulting because women are not just categorically different but equal... They are implied to be an inferior state of being.

Furthermore some misogyny can be "benevolent" - CRITICALLY this does not mean it is good. Benevolent misogyny is harmful - but it means that the misogyny comes from a place of misplaced pity and assumption of inferiority. Treating a person as weaker, more delicate, in need of help and unable to make their own decisions or utilize their own capacity for handling things is also misogyny. Being treated as though you are a child who will never grow up will drive people to bite through solid steel levels of frustration and madness or worse injure their self worth, sense of independence and empower learned helplessness.

The companion peice to misogyny is misandry. The idea that men are all to some degree inherently violent, sex motivated and unsafe for women and children to be around and the idea that any choice of a man to express the feminine is abhorant limiting the options of men to participate in society in ways not outlined by traditional masculine expectations.

Unlearning misogyny is not an easy thing. It is a process of dismantling behavior based out of something you may not have given much consideration. Our society is generally kind of misogynist by default so reaching in and recognizing misogyny and choosing to leave it behind takes a lot of effort and willingness to honestly self critique.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Let's break this down.

  1. Not all misogynists are guys.
  2. "Misogyny" is like "homophobia" - the literal definition applies, so it includes people who actively hate women, but it's much broader in scope than that. 2A. All three of your examples are examples of misogyny.
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

1 and 2 for sure. 3 if he believes this for all women to be true. Not so much if he only wishes his partner to be traditional. This however needs to be communicated and also wished by the to be house wife. Not so hard really. We are all humans with the same rights, no matter how we look down there or what hormons we got flowing through our veins. Just as we want respect and freedom we need to grant that to those around us. Or face judgement by our peers.

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