this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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[–] HowManyNimons 143 points 10 months ago (12 children)

This nonsense again? John Hislop runs a gambling blog for money, and published this googlebait years ago to get sweet SEO candy. Clearly it's still working.

[–] slaacaa 167 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don’t know, I’ve been reading his blog about 20+ years, and the bait haven’t worked on me

[–] HowManyNimons 7 points 10 months ago

Paging @wit2437

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago

We'll need a repost detecting bot

[–] PP_BOY_ 9 points 10 months ago

I love gambling

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[–] [email protected] 111 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Doggy dog world

It's a dog eat dog world. Bone apple tit!

[–] [email protected] 88 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's bon appétit. They're a diamond dozen!

[–] Sylvartas 80 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's "a dime a dozen". As they say, knowledge is power, France is bacon.

[–] [email protected] 69 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's Francis Bacon, the author that said "Knowledge is power". Come on now, this is easy enough to look up...it's not rocket appliances.

[–] RobertOwnageJunior 57 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's rocket science. But we'll cross that bridge when we cum on it.

[–] splicerslicer 52 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The expression you're looking for is "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" Not that it matters, it's all water under the fridge anyway, mostly a moo point.

[–] TommySalami 43 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Come on, man, it's "water under the bridge". I want to contribute but it felt like we were drifting into malaphors there for a second, so I'm gonna play it by year and just see what comes next.

[–] ettyblatant 39 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Not to be rude, but it's actually "play it by ear". I'm trying to come up with something witty to say, but I'm dropping a blank.

[–] Jerb322 32 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't want to beat under the bush so I'm just going to say it. You should have said "drawing a blank ".

[–] someguy3 30 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Hey man just want to correct you so you don't embarrass yourself, it's beat around the bush. Good thing I nipped that in the butt.

[–] okmko 23 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

It's nip it in bud - which is not the nipple of a human, but the bud of a rose. Sorry for being so pedophile.

[–] pivot_root 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)

A pedophile is a kiddie diddler; you're thinking of "pedantic." But, that's just my two scents on the matter.

[–] Kase 19 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's actually "my two cents." No offense, after all, every buddy makes missed takes.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

Yo my man it's actually "my two cents" but don't worry keep on (to the) rock king!

[–] philthi 14 points 10 months ago

I'm sorry to correct you, but it's actually nipped in the bud. I'd hate for you to use that in public and get egg on your plate.

[–] jaybone 5 points 10 months ago

You mean “drawing a blank.” It’s like you can lead a whore to water but you can’t make a drink.

[–] [email protected] 101 points 10 months ago (8 children)

Also it's actually not that hard to quit smoking. I've quit smoking four times.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (4 children)

Hey I can quit when I want to.

When I want to. Not when you or the doctor, or everyone else in my life, wants me to...

  • (Now deceased) Addict who smoked from a wheelchair with an attached oxygen tank at his daughters wedding. He did not make it to see his first grandchild.
[–] ignotum 5 points 10 months ago

Don't let anyone tell you how to take... Erm, how to live your life!

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 10 months ago
[–] robocall 25 points 10 months ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 10 months ago (4 children)

My favourite tweet possibly ever

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

ive seen the first but never the second

[–] Kase 7 points 10 months ago

This is so absurd. It sounds like it comes from one of those AI presidents-playing-minecraft videos on youtube.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I still can't believe twitter made Donald Trump a Potus. It has to be one of the wildest stories in our country's history.

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[–] robocall 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Trump drinks diet coke and would never call himself not thin.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (4 children)

And me, switching from stinky cigarettes to candy flavored vape. I thought a month or two max. It’s been three. Time to fix that. Look out world (fr). Maybe since it’s warmer, my bike is fixed and I’ve almost gotten the interior of my home back in order, it won’t be so difficult when I replace those nicotine hits with dopamine hits? 😬 🙏🏽

[–] robocall 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I quit smoking by switching to candy flavored vape. Then I quit vaping and it was easier than quitting smoking.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Yep. This week will be particularly busy/trying, and I expect my current vape to run out Tuesday. Please send good vibes, that I don’t give in to temptations, bite off anyone’s head, or grind my teeth to dust. Tyia.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Good luck! I need to do that with running more.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I used vaping to quit cigarettes but I was able to quit running cold turkey, life’s never been better, good luck!

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I was too, until they changed the formula a year and a half/2 years ago? Started tasting more like Pepsi to me, not a fan. I can do Cherry Coke Zero on occasion, or if I've got a craving I'll do regular Zero with a squirt of orange Miso.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Please tell me miso is a brand and not japanese miso

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That joke is stolen from Richard Pryor. "I've been doing coke for 15 years and I'm still not addicted." Or something like that.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's probably a joke as old as the word addiction itself

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

Older actually. The gentleman who came up with the word addiction was quoted as saying “I’ve been coming up with words for fifteen years and I’m still not…I’ll get back to you.”

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Lol’d. It happens!

Btw, did you mean dog-eat-dog?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 10 months ago

Bone apple tea!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (3 children)

It's a doggy god world out there

[–] edgemaster72 4 points 10 months ago

If only we had a doggy god, we'd have all the best sticks and not a care in the world.

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