this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

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[–] HowManyNimons 143 points 1 year ago (12 children)

This nonsense again? John Hislop runs a gambling blog for money, and published this googlebait years ago to get sweet SEO candy. Clearly it's still working.

[–] slaacaa 167 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don’t know, I’ve been reading his blog about 20+ years, and the bait haven’t worked on me

[–] HowManyNimons 7 points 1 year ago

Paging @wit2437

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

We'll need a repost detecting bot

[–] PP_BOY_ 9 points 1 year ago

I love gambling

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[–] [email protected] 111 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Doggy dog world

It's a dog eat dog world. Bone apple tit!

[–] [email protected] 88 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's bon appétit. They're a diamond dozen!

[–] Sylvartas 80 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's "a dime a dozen". As they say, knowledge is power, France is bacon.

[–] [email protected] 69 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's Francis Bacon, the author that said "Knowledge is power". Come on now, this is easy enough to look up...it's not rocket appliances.

[–] RobertOwnageJunior 57 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's rocket science. But we'll cross that bridge when we cum on it.

[–] splicerslicer 52 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The expression you're looking for is "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" Not that it matters, it's all water under the fridge anyway, mostly a moo point.

[–] TommySalami 43 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Come on, man, it's "water under the bridge". I want to contribute but it felt like we were drifting into malaphors there for a second, so I'm gonna play it by year and just see what comes next.

[–] ettyblatant 39 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Not to be rude, but it's actually "play it by ear". I'm trying to come up with something witty to say, but I'm dropping a blank.

[–] Jerb322 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't want to beat under the bush so I'm just going to say it. You should have said "drawing a blank ".

[–] someguy3 30 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Hey man just want to correct you so you don't embarrass yourself, it's beat around the bush. Good thing I nipped that in the butt.

[–] okmko 23 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

It's nip it in bud - which is not the nipple of a human, but the bud of a rose. Sorry for being so pedophile.

[–] pivot_root 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A pedophile is a kiddie diddler; you're thinking of "pedantic." But, that's just my two scents on the matter.

[–] Kase 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's actually "my two cents." No offense, after all, every buddy makes missed takes.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

Yo my man it's actually "my two cents" but don't worry keep on (to the) rock king!

[–] philthi 14 points 1 year ago

I'm sorry to correct you, but it's actually nipped in the bud. I'd hate for you to use that in public and get egg on your plate.

[–] jaybone 5 points 1 year ago

You mean “drawing a blank.” It’s like you can lead a whore to water but you can’t make a drink.

[–] [email protected] 101 points 1 year ago (8 children)

Also it's actually not that hard to quit smoking. I've quit smoking four times.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

Hey I can quit when I want to.

When I want to. Not when you or the doctor, or everyone else in my life, wants me to...

  • (Now deceased) Addict who smoked from a wheelchair with an attached oxygen tank at his daughters wedding. He did not make it to see his first grandchild.
[–] ignotum 5 points 1 year ago

Don't let anyone tell you how to take... Erm, how to live your life!

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago
[–] robocall 25 points 1 year ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 year ago (4 children)

My favourite tweet possibly ever

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

ive seen the first but never the second

[–] Kase 7 points 1 year ago

This is so absurd. It sounds like it comes from one of those AI presidents-playing-minecraft videos on youtube.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I still can't believe twitter made Donald Trump a Potus. It has to be one of the wildest stories in our country's history.

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[–] robocall 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Trump drinks diet coke and would never call himself not thin.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (4 children)

And me, switching from stinky cigarettes to candy flavored vape. I thought a month or two max. It’s been three. Time to fix that. Look out world (fr). Maybe since it’s warmer, my bike is fixed and I’ve almost gotten the interior of my home back in order, it won’t be so difficult when I replace those nicotine hits with dopamine hits? 😬 🙏🏽

[–] robocall 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I quit smoking by switching to candy flavored vape. Then I quit vaping and it was easier than quitting smoking.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Yep. This week will be particularly busy/trying, and I expect my current vape to run out Tuesday. Please send good vibes, that I don’t give in to temptations, bite off anyone’s head, or grind my teeth to dust. Tyia.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Good luck! I need to do that with running more.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I used vaping to quit cigarettes but I was able to quit running cold turkey, life’s never been better, good luck!

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I was too, until they changed the formula a year and a half/2 years ago? Started tasting more like Pepsi to me, not a fan. I can do Cherry Coke Zero on occasion, or if I've got a craving I'll do regular Zero with a squirt of orange Miso.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Please tell me miso is a brand and not japanese miso

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That joke is stolen from Richard Pryor. "I've been doing coke for 15 years and I'm still not addicted." Or something like that.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's probably a joke as old as the word addiction itself

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

Older actually. The gentleman who came up with the word addiction was quoted as saying “I’ve been coming up with words for fifteen years and I’m still not…I’ll get back to you.”

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Lol’d. It happens!

Btw, did you mean dog-eat-dog?

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

Bone apple tea!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (3 children)

It's a doggy god world out there

[–] edgemaster72 4 points 1 year ago

If only we had a doggy god, we'd have all the best sticks and not a care in the world.

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