this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

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3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

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-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

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-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

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-Do not Brigade other Communities

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-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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[–] DrDominate 149 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I like how the response emojis say "No" and "I came"

[–] Nima 62 points 1 year ago

the "1984" got me good. XD

[–] SeeMinusMinus 80 points 1 year ago (7 children)

“I would argue that masturbation is the human animal's most important adaptation. The very cornerstone of our technological civilization. Our hands evolved to grip tools, all right—including our own. You see, thinkers, inventors, and scientists are usually geeks, and geeks have a harder time getting laid than anyone. Without the built-in sexual release valve provided by masturbation, it's doubtful that early humans would have ever mastered the secrets of fire or discovered the wheel. And you can bet that Galileo, Newton, and Einstein never would have made their discoveries if they hadn't first been able to clear their heads by slapping the salami (or "knocking a few protons off the old hydrogen atom"). The same goes for Marie Curie. Before she discovered radium, you can be certain she first discovered the little man in the canoe.” - Ernest Cline

[–] NocturnalMorning 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

If this isn't a joke (which i think it is), you have a very skewed sense of scientists. If it is a joke, then carry on my dude.

[–] SeeMinusMinus 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Masturbation is an innovator. So many inventions go back to "because porn". Take current AI development for example, there's a massive drive because porn and porn has only one job.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

"The little man in the canoe" might be the best one I've heard yet

[–] TheTetrapod 16 points 1 year ago

God, I fucking hate Ernest Cline.

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[–] [email protected] 74 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ridiculous! We should protest this by making Lemmy posts for announcing masturbations

[–] ShitOnABrick 44 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yes annocement #1: im now mastrobating

[–] BackOnMyBS 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

omg, pls! why??? im in bed trying to get sleepy so i can go to work with decent rest tomorrow, but instead, im in bed lmao because you guys want to start a ridiculous movement 😆

[–] ShitOnABrick 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I was on the nyc subway when this happened. I was chilling browsing the Web when one my homies hit me up on discord and sent me a gif of a big musslely black man doing the thugshaker I then began to start furiously mastrobating to the picture of the big mussley blackman doing the thugshaker people started looking at me and saying things such as omg and stop it I then in a haste dropped my phone and one by one all the other men in the train started to furiously mastrobate too. My peenis was but a little stub at this point.by the end the entire train was filled with mastrobating men all hovered over one phone playing a gif of a man doing the thugshaker. Be warned @I'm back on my bs you may suffer the same fate to if your not careful

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[–] Globeparasite 67 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Etterra 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, it's discord, not fucking 4chan. Have a little decorum, ya reprobate.

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[–] Agent641 59 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But its still ok to announce when you have just returned from masturbating, right?

[–] FlyingSquid 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Just please wash your hands first.

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[–] Zidane 52 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Definitely don't have a text channel for announcing jerkin it

[–] ShitOnABrick 33 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

The only correct way to announce masturbation.

[–] asteriskeverything 41 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Now if it was mostly female strangers it would be at least understandable.

[–] RGB3x3 44 points 1 year ago

Yeah, that was a weird way to put that. Clearly nobody in that group has social skills.

[–] eager_eagle 31 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] ShitOnABrick 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
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[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago

Please redirect all such messages to the masturbation announcement channel.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

My brother is autistic and this is the type of autistic person who is hated by other autistic people. This is why autistic people hate mentioning it, because they get lumped in with these people.

[–] ieightpi 51 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Pardon me, but what the hell are you going on about?

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Roflmasterbigpimp 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Could it be that you are commenting under the wrong Post?

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[–] BackOnMyBS 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Wait, this is getting even more interesting. Who is the kind of autistic person that is hated by other autistic people: (a) people that try to be nice about enforcing a no masterbation announcement rule or (b) people that announce they are going to go masterbate? Also, does your brother fall under a, b, or something else?

[–] Vytle 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It's almost definitely B. Most people on the spectrum would not say "im gonna go masturbate" and those who are would use autism as an excuse for why they behave that way, which is just not valid. Autism can make it harder to behave in a way that is socially acceptable, but not like this, hence why others on the spectrum dont like people like this. They use autism as a sort of sheild to allow them to behave in ways that are just not right. The best example of this i can think of off hand is Chris-Chan, but they are an extreme case of this. Anyways, people like this make it harder to be upfront on the fact that you are on the spectrum, because the first thing that comes to mind will be people like that.

[–] FlyingSquid 6 points 1 year ago

Elon Musk claims to be autistic and he uses it as a shield.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Autistic people who announce when they're going to masturbate make all other autistic people cringe for being so incredibly unaware and making the rest of them look weird.

[–] ieightpi 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I don't think anyone was assuming these people were autistic. It's possible you have a skewed view because you are around an autistic person more that most people.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Hey everyone, I'm going to choke my snake!

[–] AdaleiM 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

it's been three hours, did everything work out

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[–] Agent641 6 points 1 year ago

How'd you go, bud?

[–] capt_wolf 19 points 1 year ago

Discord statuses after this announcement be like:

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That discord’s users must have dedication to make these emotion reactions happen.

[–] ShitOnABrick 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You clearly haven't seen the uk embassy discord

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[–] Clbull 15 points 1 year ago

Sounds like a server full of master baiters.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago

Go away, baitn

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Seems those people are under appreciated there, they should cum here!

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