this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] dadGPT 72 points 8 months ago (5 children)

also add " no offense " at the end of offensive statements to make them non offensive

[–] [email protected] 31 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I always append no offence to benign statements to mess with people.

No offence.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 8 months ago

I like what you've done with your hair, no offence.

[–] Kase 16 points 8 months ago

No offense, but this is a pretty funny idea. I'm no expert tho

[–] FlyingSquid 22 points 8 months ago (1 children)

That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever read.

No offense.

[–] Daft_ish 11 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

I do not respect you and would not care or even notice if you disappeared tomorrow and no one ever found you because you had been kidnapped and murdered in the worst way imaginable.

No offense.

[–] Bluehood380 11 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Hey. Fuck you.

No offense.

[–] Daft_ish 8 points 8 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

why the fuck are you offended? They CLEARLY said "no offense" idiot

No offense.

[–] Bluehood380 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Hey. I love you.

No offense.

[–] Daft_ish 5 points 8 months ago

😭 😭 😭

[–] [email protected] 21 points 8 months ago (1 children)

And prefix racism with "I'm not racist but...."

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

I'm not racist but no offense

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] sigh 2 points 8 months ago

but idk tho

[–] [email protected] 54 points 8 months ago (2 children)

The next time you're applying for a job, post a fake job ad so that people give you their resumes. Then, you can edit one and apply for the job you want.

But idk tho

[–] afraid_of_zombies 6 points 8 months ago

I did do something like that once. I made up a position that was kinda close to what I was looking for and see how other people were applying and structuring their resumes.

Yes it worked, no I would not do it again.

[–] STRIKINGdebate2 54 points 8 months ago (3 children)

If you are dating someone and you really feel like this relationship has potential then you should think back to the worst thing you've ever did. Do it again and see how they react. If they can't handle you at your worst then they don't deserve you at your best.

But Idk tho.

[–] Kase 26 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Instructions unclear, now I'm wanted for murder (again, ugh). But idk tho

[–] STRIKINGdebate2 18 points 8 months ago

If you ever find yourself under arrest for murder the best possible thing you can do is just come clean about it quickly as possible. The sooner the better. Don't even wait for a lawyer. They'll admire your honesty and be lenient.

But idk though

[–] littlewonder 13 points 8 months ago

If they can't handle me at my diddliest, then they don't deserve me at my doodliest.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)

i can't do it again, there's only one tower left :(

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

Im sure we can rebuild it for you.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 8 months ago (3 children)

the professional version of this is 'theoretically'. you can tack it on to the end of almost anything and it immediately makes whatever you said non-committal.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Theoretically, you could also tack it on at the beginning.

Or you could also, theoretically, tack it on in the middle of a sentence.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Well only if "theoretically" is followed by a statement compatible with supported theory. Too many people confuse theory with hypothesis

[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago (2 children)

You can easily get away with using "Theoretically" in every situation, hypothetically speaking.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 8 months ago

Where might hyporetically fall into this? Hyporetically speaking, for the real theothetists that might press the matter.

[–] FlyingSquid 3 points 8 months ago

Let's do a thought experiment on this hypothetical.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Theoretically, I had underetood the opposite.

[–] afraid_of_zombies 1 points 8 months ago

Didn't they just arrest some 4chan Nazi for doing that?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 8 months ago

Don't quote me on that.

[–] CatZoomies 18 points 8 months ago (1 children)

“Not financial advice.”

[–] [email protected] 10 points 8 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 8 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

But idk tho

[–] [email protected] 4 points 8 months ago

Whenever I announce "I ANAL" I commit to it and include the space.

[–] eskimofry 3 points 8 months ago

He anal butt

[–] [email protected] 14 points 8 months ago

If you are Canadian, also state that you are sorry at the end of every statement ..... sorry.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Good advice, but I don't know.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago (1 children)

its good advice, theoretically.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Smokeydope 12 points 8 months ago

"just my 2 cents but you are ultimately responsible for your decisions"

[–] chickenpotpi 3 points 8 months ago

"dont worry bro, you should just do what i said, i think, probably maybe"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 8 months ago

DON'T DO THIS:

  • Soften chocolate ice cream and chill the glass. Take the ice cream out of the freezer for 10 to 15 minutes before use. At the same time, place your glass in the freezer. This will keep the shake cold when you serve it

-Measure the ingredients. 1 cup ice cream to 1/4 cup milk is a great ratio.

  • Blend the shake. In a blender, combine the milk and ice cream and blend until smooth. Add any your mix-ins and blend them in to your desired consistency.

  • Measure out the special secret ingredient - the 32.7 days, fermented cum sauce. Remember to consume 250 grams of pineapples prior to producing 100ml of that precious, pearly goodness.

  • Remember this: No matter how yummy the cum sauce looks, DO NOT DIP YOUR DISGUSTING HANDS TO LICK IT. You never know where your hands have been touching.

-Serve. Pour the shake into the chilled glass and serve immediately.

  • Remember to enjoy this with your family! Cheers! :)

But idk tho...