General Discussion

Its adhd, I had/have it didnt get diagnosed, you could force yourself to learn the hard way (I got disqualified and had to get reinstated took me z6 years instead of 4 for my Bs and I swapped to information systems, which I regret, I gaslighted myself into not liking programming when I just needed to start my work earlier) For me, a mix of getting older, and failing enough times, plus the disqualification, is what got me to goto class and do my work, I wouldn't have done it otherwise, which is why getting diagnosed is necessary.

I used my sisters adderal sparingly the last two years and I mightve not got through without it, some days I would wake up just not caring about anything, super lazy, demotivated, etc. It was pure luck when id do well a semester because I just happened to not wake up feeling bad or oversleep a final that semester. And it's not a choice, why would anyone choose to not do what they want to do when they have the time, just never have energy or have too much.

Theres a lot of symptoms of adhd and possibly depression (surprise, anxiety and depression are co-morbities to adhd). Your uni experience rings very familiar to mine. But most of the answers I would give you or anyone else here is based on our own guesses and maybe experiences. I would suggest talking to a professional about it. Because honestly, knowing what the issue is and bring aware of how to try to mitigate it might change your life the way it did mine.

I also went into computer science. It took me 7 years to graduate. Once I graduated I spent 10 years doing strictly IT stuff because I just thought I was too stupid or lazy and feared trying to program again as my main job. I went through cognitive behavioral therapy, I got diagnosed with adhd and depression/anxiety as well. Flash forward today, I'm a senior developer that never stops trying to learn things. Don't give up even if it looks bleak. Strive to find what works for you. If you need any help or have questions you can DM me.

I mean you can say you fail to get to bed on time but the beds there. Set an alarm so you don't have a bs I did not relize it was so late excuse. Set two. one to get ready for bed (brush teeth etc) and once to be in bed. then do it. have an alarm for waking up to. again maybe two. one for waking and one for you have to leave now. also do your assignments. you have to take agency and simply not allow yourself any games or media or anything else until assignments are done.

I've been pretty much exactly where you are now, but we're not the same person. I'm drawing a lot from my own experience here, but I'm going to try to keep it as detached from myself as I can.

First thing, I want to really acknowledge here that you were right. You cannot become an independent person while you are being managed by other people. Unless they intended to do this for you your whole life, you were going to have this issue at some point. Usually it's done earlier on, when the consequences for failure are less, but this is the situation now, and you will have to deal with it as it is. I think you were wise to set those boundaries with your parents, and I think what's happening now are just the first growing pains, an adjustment period. It will get better after this, I promise. Do not let them take the reins back if you can help it, this is an important developmental milestone in your life.

There's a possibility that there's some mental health issues here, exactly what I'm not qualified to really diagnose. It sounds exactly like how I fell apart at University because I was independent for the first time, with undiagnosed ADHD. While that might be a possibility for you, I think that's best something you should think on. It may help getting a diagnosis with whatever might be going on, but that's something you can pursue if you feel the need.

Even if you don't have that kind of mental health issue though, you might have a mental block of some kind due to your past or even current experiences. It might be worth talking to a councillor, or even to a trusted friend about what's going on, it might help unbottle your feelings and help you realise what's going on inside your head.

Beyond the clinical stuff though, make sure you are unwinding a little. If you're constantly pushing yourself you might have these kinds of issues as well. You have needs, and you'll need to figure out how to keep yourself and your body happy and healthy. It should be easier now you have more control, but there'll be an adjustment period, like everything else.

The real meat of the issue sounds like the loss of structure and maybe purpose, because you've never been in a position to organise yourself before. That's only natural. The first thing I would advise is maybe take a day to reassess what you truely want. If your parents have been in control all this time, you might not have had the opportunity to really decide for yourself what you want to do, and sometimes your brain will retaliate by self sabotaging, substance abuse, anything to take back control or help with the discomfort. Instead, really think about how sure you are you want to continue on this path. If not education, maybe try working for a bit, if you can. Focus on where the path will take you, focus on moving out eventually if you haven't already, think about the life you want beyond this. How you achieve these things is entirely in your own hands. Having this sense of purpose will help everything else fall in place, so it's important to maintain it.

If you're 100% sure this is what you want, you'll need to start building good habits for yourself. It sounds like sleep is a big issue, so focus on that. Figure out exactly what you need to be up for, set that alarm, and stick to it 100% of the time. It'll suck, but then it will get better. If that's not working, as it sounds like it might be, it could be down to some other issue. I have delayed phase sleep, I couldn't maintain a normal sleep cycle despite decades of trying. If that's the case, or something else, you might be able to work around it.

This goes for everything, but don't try to just force yourself to act the same way everyone else is, because it's not possible if you aren't the same as everyone else. Instead, work with what you have, your own needs and limitations, and your body and brain will thank you for it.

Beyond the specifics you've described, you'll likely come up against issues as you adjust to your new way of living. You'll stumble, there will be minor failures, that's okay. It sucks, but those failures are part of the learning. I know people that never put those boundaries with their parents, it's not a good look in the long term.

I want to stress this, if you fail a bit, it's not a sign you should stop. I stopped my degree because of issues like these, and it has not been helpful, though I have done well despite it, because working helped me get my brain together. I have a friend that took a decade to get a teaching degree, but now he's teaching at one of the better schools in the state. Persistence does pay off, and it does get better.

I know it probably really sucks right now. You're doing the right thing. Keep going.

Make an appointment with a mental health doc. In the mean time, start a journal of every time you go to sleep, every time you wake up, and every time you have any kind of incident like being late or not being able to focus + if you can identify any causes or contributing factors to those incidents.

Having that data on hand for your first appointment will be solid gold for your doc.

Our brains are a computer made of meat - the occasional glitch is expected, but that doesn't mean you need to just suffer through it your entire life: seriously, make that appointment.

ADHD????

There's no shame in disabilities, and no shame on getting things to help you, for instance people don't realize that glasses are a disability ad product for people who have bad eyesight which yes is a disability that society has helped people with and not shamed. Having ADHD is not a evil or bad thing it's part of who someone is, it's getting aid to help yourself, like glasses to bad eyesight, medication is to adhd and there's absolutely no shame in having such disability. See a therapist and others who can help. There's no shame in seeing a eye doctor so why be ashamed of seeing a therapist? Just different disabilities with different care needed.

Always remember you are worth who you are regardless of eye sight or brain chemistry.

Before having internet sleuths diagnose you with ADHD, seek out the services of a mental health professional. Often universities have them on staff. You may have ADHD, or something else, but better to meet with a licenced professional than take advice on diagnosis from anyone else. I wish you the best in life and with your studies.

I am not a doctor, but have you looked into ADHD and whether it might apply? Getting on medicine for that made me realize how much I'd been slogging through knee-deep mud while everyone else was walking on a paved path. Best analogy I've heard is your brain is like a "Ferrari engine with bicycle brakes."

First thing, admitting that you have a problem is the hardest step to take, so you're already doing better than when I was in college suffering from burnout. 15 years later and I'm finally wrapping up my degree.

I'd figure out the sleep problems first medically if it were me. That one's going to fuck you over even after college. Talk to a doctor and make sure everything's good there. If that's an isolated issue, then you need to tackle the self-discipline issue. I'd see how you feel after the sleep issue is fixed as to whether you need more medical help or not. Everything else could be exacerbated by the lack of a consistent sleep schedule.

You'll want to be open with your parents and in the meantime ask for their assistance keeping you straight. Turns out, you can't independently manage your life right now, so apologize to them and ask for them to help you get out of bed and going in the morning while you get yourself back on track.

For me getting 'kick you out' grades was enough to wake my ass up.

What I did to pull myself out: stopped all drugs that weren't marijuana and alcohol.

Hard rule: no weed or alcohol until homework is done.

Hard rule: front row of every class. Pay attention and ask at least one question every class.

I walked to every class instead of relying I the bus. I'd get there 20 minutes early so I could sit in the front row. My walks were between 30 and 60 minutes depending on which campus I had to hoof it to, especially through winters.

It's a lot harder to fuck around on your phone or otherwise not pay attention if you have any normal conscience whatsoever in the front fucking row.

This was enough to turn things around enough to keep my chin above water. Sometimes a big part of success is just showing up.

But it sounds like that might not be enough, and if it isn't (and you're honest with yourself about not drinking and not smoking pot and actually going to class every day etc), then get a therapist.

Motivation isn't real. Discipline is the only reliable path. You got this.

There is only one good answer for this: you need to seek professional help. What you describe is not typical. The behavior from your parents what you describe is abusive and aligns with many people's experiences with disorders and disabilities. From your parent's perspective, they are likely having their own struggles with being the parent of a child with a disorder or disability and being in complete ignorance and denial of that fact or how to deal with it.