Right now, I'm a 2nd year student in university doing Computer Science.
In my later years of high school and first few years in university, my parents (especially my dad), have been very much forcing me to study and getting yelling at me over a single bad mark. While it did give me good marks, it made me so stressed out that one day I just decided that I couldn't handle it anymore and resisted. At the time I also thought that if my parents kept on managing me like that, then I'll never really learn how to be truly independent and take control of myself.
After that, they did leave me alone. However, the next semester after that, I failed a course - something which has never happened before. I told myself that it was just a hard course at the time.
This semester, I have lowered my course load from 5 courses to 3. However, I'm always missing or being late to my classes (either it's because of bad time management, having to rely on the bus, or I just don't bother to show up, or I just woke up too late because of my sleep problems) and have a lot of missing quizzes/assignments. I also have never managed to pay attention during lectures and get myself to study as much as I need to and do my assignments on time (and no, I've found that rewarding myself doesn't really work). I just got my 1st midterm mark back and it was a 50%. I fear that this semester may go the same as the last one.
Over the last few semesters, because my dad has stopped forcing me to wake up at 7 AM, my sleep schedule has gone terrible. For example, yesterday I got to bed at 5 AM and get up at 2 PM and if I need to be at school by 11 AM, I get to bed only at around 2 - 3 AM and wake up at 9 - 10 AM and am usually late. Despite my efforts to force myself to go to bed earlier, I've failed. I believe the only thing that can make me go to bed and wake up on time is if either someone else was forcing me to or I had a completely unavoidable and super important reason to which I'd even be willing to sacrifice sleep for (and most days I just don't feel like that). I've tried melatonin and setting an alarm clock far away from my bed and it didn't really help.
I just feel like I really suck and am ashamed of what I've become. Any advice?
For me getting 'kick you out' grades was enough to wake my ass up.
What I did to pull myself out: stopped all drugs that weren't marijuana and alcohol.
Hard rule: no weed or alcohol until homework is done.
Hard rule: front row of every class. Pay attention and ask at least one question every class.
I walked to every class instead of relying I the bus. I'd get there 20 minutes early so I could sit in the front row. My walks were between 30 and 60 minutes depending on which campus I had to hoof it to, especially through winters.
It's a lot harder to fuck around on your phone or otherwise not pay attention if you have any normal conscience whatsoever in the front fucking row.
This was enough to turn things around enough to keep my chin above water. Sometimes a big part of success is just showing up.
But it sounds like that might not be enough, and if it isn't (and you're honest with yourself about not drinking and not smoking pot and actually going to class every day etc), then get a therapist.
Motivation isn't real. Discipline is the only reliable path. You got this.
It’s difficult to go from being extrinsically motivated to intrinsically. I would say this is good advice. Put yourself in a position where it is easy to succeed.
This means making and following a schedule for yourself, including a bedtime, a time to do your homework, and time to relax and unwind.
Make these ‘hard rules’ and track your streaks of good habits. I do the same thing foggy does, I have a rule that I must show up to every class, sit in the front center and keep my phone put away.
I also try to set aside half an hour every day to take a walk or meditate. If you haven’t yet, seek out a therapist. Find a place or a (willing) person to talk about your day, your goals, and your progress.
And most importantly: remember, you are the one who knows yourself best, you get to choose and implement your own strategy to take control of your life. It will only work if you make it work. You got this.
Perfectly fine advice for a neurotypical person, but OP shows every sign of being neurodivergent of some kind. In that case none of this is helpful and can be actively harmful instead. They need professional help to determine the best kind of help. That's the only good advice that can be given at this point. Anything else can wind up being more harmful than good.
I myself am neurodivergent.
Would I have been better off with help? Undeniably. But it's possible to do without. It isn't hopeless.
That is an extremely unhealthy and even dangerous take.
Untreated disorders greatly increases risk of physical and mental health issues. Did you not see the part where OPs parents mistreat them and they even disparage themselves because of an undiagnosed and unaided disorder?
https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2025/01/23/nx-s1-5272801/adhd-research-shorter-life-expectancy-attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder
And that's just one example. More can easily be found.
Additionally, you are treating neurodivergence as a one-size-fits-all attitude. You may have much more easily manageable symptoms than others. That's like saying "oh I can live without glasses just fine" while your prescription is much lighter than others and the person you're giving advice to could require intense correction.
I think you should seriously reconsider your light-hearted attitude towards other people's issues simply because you feel your own issues are not that serious.
My statement stands as 100% accurate. You're being ridiculous, and conflating a relatively sensitive take as tough love.
Relax. Not here for an argument. I suggested they get help if they can't go it alone.
You're not here for an argument, sure, but I'm also not here to see harmful takes being spread. Regardless of your intentions, your advice is harmful. This statement is 100% accurate.
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