oligarchistan
this post was submitted on 12 Feb 2025
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OK hear me out: It should be named after the first European explorer to discover it and popularize the European expansion: Christopher Columbus.
- Like its namesake, the nation too is racist, cruel and genocidal. Even the Spanish Inquisition era Catholics were like, damn Christopher!
- Like the largest exporter of cocaíne in South America, it too is full of drugs, and its elections are the plaything of big money cartels and foreign powers.
- It was mostly settled by white people from England.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you your new nation: British Columbia.
Northern Lands of g.u.l.f. (= greedy unelected lying fascists)
Christland
Stolidus
- It sounds strong and powerful
- It's Latin, and therefore properly awesome.
- It's definition is: foolish, absurd, dumb, forceless, powerless
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The United States Inc. since that's all we are anyway....
United Corp.
I'm not even sure United applies anymore. I change my answer to The States Corp.
The United States of Whatever
TwatWaffle McDunceland
Trade names with the Gulf and become the United States of Mexico.
A not-insignificant amount of the USA was Mexico, at one time.
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Hank D. Hamburgers Electric Freedom Gun-Republic
Brought to you by Carl’s Jr.
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Listen. I know you said no wrong answers but unfortunately due to the past few decades of the American Political system, pretty much anything is now effectively accurate. Even such things as:
- The Divided States of America
- McMilitary Industrial Complex
- The Paycheck-to-Paycheck Republic
- Red vs Blue
- Gilded Ruins
- AmeriKKKa
- Walmartistan
- Gunlandia
- Yeehaw Reich
- Methlehem
- Debtlandia
- Live, Laugh, Lawsuit
+2 for Yeehaw Reich
+1 for Methlehem
... but it also reminds of my personal favourite ... Alamabadan
DUM-FUCK-ISTAN. Fuck yeah!!!!
United States of Native America
United Tribes of America
Wackoland
The Adjacent States of Denial
As Amerigo is the Italianized version of the German 'Emmerich', i'd call it like that.
Bonus is that there is a very unassuming German border town called thusly.
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Given the religious fervor throughout its history, how about naming it after an ancient biblical region?
Transjordan?
Wait. Shit, that won't work, even Jordan's gone woke. Maybe something else in the region?
OH! How about Gilead!?
Sodom. From the story of Sodom & Gommorah, but I would choose the name based on a passage from Ezekiel.
"This was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy."
I grew up being taught that America was literally the "Whore of Babylon" from the Book of Revelation.
And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH. - Revelation 17:5
It was specifically said to be a prophecy about the United States and once you understood that, the rest of the story just clicked into place! I want to vomit just thinking back to that bullshit.
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Serious answer: the Viking settlers named the land "Vinland" long before Columbus was even born. That name is of Germanic origin, same as the English language, and would be appropriate for settlers of Germanic origin (England, Germany, etc.)
Alternatively, a name in ~~the~~ a Native American language would be most appropriate given that they were the original inhabitants of the land.
A name in the Native American language
There is no single native American language. There are over 200 of them, and used to be around 300-400, in 57 different families and over two dozen completely isolated languages (which might not be, but it's hard to find out). And they'd likely be at the very least somewhat mutually culturally insensitive.
So that might be even more difficult than using English, which at least has the benefit of being popular now.
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United States of Lee (after General Robert Lee)
New motto
All For Me and None For Thee
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The Land of the Flee while you still can
Dumbfuckistan
Muskland. Quickly so we can start a fight.
South Canada
Clown Country