memes

All of them, this is a QuickTime event. You have to feel out what they're looking for. You have to hit the buttons in order and with the right timing

First - that sucks. Show empathy and active listening, see if they have more to say. Let them get it out

Next - you have to decide, are they more upset, or more stressed

Upset - story time, show sympathy. Keep it light on the details, and don't try to draw comparisons - keep it at the emotional level.
Then advice time - again, keep it brief and vague

Stressed - advice, lay out options rapid fire and see if they latch onto any. If they don't, story time - tell them about similar situations, without drawing emotional comparisons, where you got past it more easily than expected

"I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."

"It's not like you've lost a pen, is it? It's so much worse... Would you like a pen? have a spare one. ...Please take it."

"That's rough buddy."

"Cool story bro, did I ever tell you about that time I took an arrow to the knee?..."

“What can I do to help?”

"Be careful how you treat people when you're on top, they're the ones you need to catch you if you fall"

“I can’t say I would’ve known what to do, had I been in your position.”

“I can only imagine what that must have been like for you, which understandably likely isn’t of much consolation to you.”

“It would be disingenuous of me to presume to know what it was like for you to have experienced what you endured, but I am happy to listen to what you have to say, if you wish to tell me.”

"Its not that bad stop being a pussy" Works 30% of the time everytime.

"Stop trauma dumping on me, do I look like a licensed therapist?"

That sucks.

I can't tell whether this is supposed to be advice on what to do or not. I can certainly see people getting upset at all of them for putting your feelings and perspective at the forefront however.

And then what happened?
That must be really hard for you.
Wow. You don’t deserve that.
How do you feel about it now?
Ugh. That sounds awful.
You’re handling this better than I would.
How do you even respond to that?
Tell me about it.
What can I do to help?
You’ve got this, but I’m here.

Edit: I wrote the above to illustrate how many options there are in the parlance of active listening. The formula is simple: imagine how they feel and join their side or, if you can’t yet imagine, ask questions until you can. That’s it.

4: "I can help you hide the body if you want."

"Frankly, you brought this all on yourself" usually resolves it quickly, in my experience.

That's the answers for the attention hogs

Tell a related story is best choice because it shows that you really feel what that person is coming through since you've came through similar situation yourself

That sucks. Definitely push the last one. This happened to me one time in band camp

Lol that's basically a therapist, minus the second option.