this post was submitted on 03 Dec 2024
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Microblog Memes

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A place to share screenshots of Microblog posts, whether from Mastodon, tumblr, ~~Twitter~~ X, KBin, Threads or elsewhere.

Created as an evolution of White People Twitter and other tweet-capture subreddits.

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[–] Makhno 3 points 11 hours ago

Something that definitely happened

[–] [email protected] 42 points 20 hours ago (3 children)

I've talked on the shitter. I heard someone dying and asked if they needed help, they never replied, just did up their belt and fled in panic. Never again!

[–] [email protected] 21 points 18 hours ago

I rather die alone on a toilet than talk while pooping. I'd flee too.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Yep. Heard a coworker vomiting her guts out in the accessible stall and I asked if she needed help. Turns out she was just having morning sickness.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 12 hours ago

A few months ago I went to a steakhouse with some friends and learned that 3 ladies from the wedding party in the party room had had too much to drink and were sharing a stall (small bathroom with only 2 stalls) puking their guts out for a solid 20 minutes straight. As we paid and left we saw the paramedics arrive to escort the ladies off of the premises and an employee poised and ready with cleaning supplies to begin cleaning up the wreckage their stomachs had wrought upon the porcelain.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago)

LOL oh man this story is so funny to me. I'm picturing it from both people's points of view and its hilarious either way.

[–] mkhopper 27 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

The urinals didn't tip her off?

[–] [email protected] 44 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 19 hours ago) (2 children)

I've been in men's room recently that didn't have urinals in view when I walked in. Which did give me a slight panic for a moment that I had walked into the wrong door.

I opened the first stall door, and there was the urinal. Interesting.

They had also adopted the European style of floor to ceiling stalls and stall doors. It was actually a very nice experience.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 17 hours ago

Common European W

[–] Ultraviolet 2 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

The stall only contained a urinal? What happens if you need to take a shit?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 13 hours ago

You don't use that stall. What happens if you have to shit at any given time, go looking for urinals?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 12 hours ago

It's a bit weird though yeah, especially if you are waiting in line for that stall to open and only when entering discover it's not going to suffice your needs.

[–] PrimeMinisterKeyes 5 points 17 hours ago

Maybe the guy sitting next to her was in the wrong bathroom.

[–] pHr34kY 56 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (2 children)

This is bullshit because no bloke has ever mumbled a word in a dunny block.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 19 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (1 children)

Your use of "bloke" implies you're in the UK, so perhaps it's just manners... But as someone who has worked in a large, multi-cultural office in the US, it is definitely a cultural thing. There are some people that have no problem chatting on the phone at full volume, in an echo-y stall, while audibly shitting. And I mean audibly lol.

I have had one experience where I was sitting in the middle stall, of three, between two people who were having a full-on conversation back and forth over me. I kept like clearing my throat just in case maybe they didn't realize someone was there... Nope, they just didn't care lol.

Just the thought of behaving like that is mortifying to me lol, especially in an office where I have to then interact with those people...

[–] pHr34kY 4 points 11 hours ago

I'm an Aussie. Same king, different colony :P

Crosstalk while trying to dump a load sounds horrendous.

[–] FireRetardant 24 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

No one has ever offered to play battle shits with you?

[–] Shardikprime 3 points 18 hours ago

It's a solo game unless you are in the special competitive pvp stalls

[–] agent_nycto 11 points 16 hours ago

I like that the response from guys isn't "a woman?! In MY bathroom?!?!" But "who tf talks in the bathroom?!"

[–] [email protected] 168 points 1 day ago (4 children)

It aint a blog meme without a useless comment at the bottom

[–] [email protected] 54 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

But if we didn't have a reaction included in the post, how would we know how we're meant to feel?

[–] SLVRDRGN 20 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Just realized blog-meme-commentary are functionally equivalent to sitcom laugh tracks.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

You're so right.^it's me, I'm the commentary^

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Of course I'm not watching this 1m20s video without a webcam of an obnoxious guy wearing a spiderman outfit yelling in the corner of the screen.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I’m not watching this 30 se*ond video without subway surfers gameplay

[–] [email protected] 6 points 23 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 17 hours ago
[–] son_named_bort 5 points 19 hours ago

Bonus points if it's Xavier.

[–] jaybone 10 points 23 hours ago

I choked on my uselessness.

[–] feedum_sneedson 4 points 13 hours ago

you're both liars

[–] [email protected] 19 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

chooooooooke on the water~

[–] ArtVandelay 5 points 15 hours ago

Hand dryers in the skyyy

[–] jaybone 8 points 23 hours ago

snack pack in disguise…

[–] [email protected] 12 points 23 hours ago (3 children)

Who the are these people talking in the stalls. I be worried someone would try and kick my ass. I've seen people go ape shit if you disturb them during a shit in public.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 22 hours ago

I once had a friend of mine go into the stall next to mine and loudly declare that we were "pooping buddies"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 19 hours ago

All of my coworkers, they will just strike up work combo.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 22 hours ago (1 children)

I don't know about being mad, but if a coworker tries to talk to me in the restroom regardless of specifics they immediately go on my "perhaps has body in basement" list. Usually it's the Cxx people...who are sociopaths. So the math works out.

[–] Gutek8134 7 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

I only know that some people use CXX as extension for their C++ (programming language) files, but I don't think that's what you meant

[–] [email protected] 4 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

That was my first reaction as well, but probably C-suite people, like CEO, CFO, etc.? (I say "etc." here bc I can't think of any more:-P)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 12 hours ago

Y'all nerding out on here about the gnu compiler tool chain but don't have a chief technical officer? :p

[–] Im_old 1 points 21 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 18 hours ago

Yes, most CEOs and most c++ users are sociopaths

[–] anarchyrabbit 3 points 19 hours ago

Who is drinking water is a toilet stall? Don't ya'll know the little poo particles go in there?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago

Yep. Savin' that one

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

I hate that I laughed

[–] [email protected] 1 points 20 hours ago