this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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[–] [email protected] 94 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Stuart is a mouse. A mouse is like 1/3rd the size of a rat, he would be slaughtered.

[–] Tedesche 46 points 2 weeks ago

This is the correct answer. Remy would skewer him from ass to mouth and then roast him on a spit (after seasoning him, of course). I’m sure he’d be delicious.

[–] BowtiesAreCool 17 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

In the book Stuart is a Mouse sized human.

[–] surewhynotlem 11 points 2 weeks ago

But is he gangster

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 68 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

"I hate this debate" like it comes up all the time for them.

[–] Viking_Hippie 25 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Every damn Thursday! Her friend Mike just won't let it rest!

[–] UnderpantsWeevil 3 points 2 weeks ago

It's him and Stewart Little, always arguing

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Yeah the apparent exasperation is the best part.

I wonder where Fievel fits into this whole thing...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

Fievel would whoop Stuart's ass, no question. Remy would still slaughter Fievel though. Rat vs mouse is no contest. Unless Fievel can call in his cat buddy, Tiger, as backup. But Tiger's a bit of a lil bitch himself, so my money is still on Remy.

[–] TheTechnician27 46 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

Okay, fuck this slander. Stuart's a little bitch, but he's a clever little bitch. That mf can fly a plane, drive a car, and man a sailboat. If he just met Remy in a dark alley, Remy would probably win, but with planning on his side (especially coordinating with the humans to get him what he needs), I'm betting on Stuart. Stuart defeated a fucking falcon who was trying to kill him. Not just defeated: straight-up murdered him. Also, Stuart is an actual accepted member of society with citizenship etc. and can actually speak, whereas Remy needs to rely on other means to communicate, and like three people understand he's sapient and human-like. If this isn't a fair fight, he could easily have the humans do his dirty work for him because to them, Remy is just a vermin. He could even just sic Snowbell on him. It took the entire colony of rats to take down – by surprise – one scrawny health inspector, so don't give me that "Remy has backup too". In fact, Stewart could probably just make himself a tiny gun.

TL;DR: Remy wins if it's by surprise. Stewart probably wins with prep time if it's one-on-one. Stewart destroys Remy if they can call for backup.

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Remy literally has a flesh mech and army of rats working for him by the end of the movie. Wtf are you smoking, lol?

[–] TheTechnician27 11 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

He's got Linguini, a scrawny little 20s-something waiter. Stuart has a 15-year-old Jonathan Lipnicki who could definitely 1v1 Linguini plus two late-30s parents (even if Remy pilots him and even if the chef's hat is off for max visibility, since 1) the family will know how this works and can try to get Remy out of the hair, and 2) there'll be at least some latency in controlling him since it takes time to move the hair). Plus Stuart has no need to pilot the family and can therefore be off doing his own thing fucking around in his airplane (which he could use to shave Linguini's hair if he gets a good shot in; we've seen it literally shred a falcon). So unless Remy is actively trying to kill Stuart, using a kitchen knife against his family with Linguini, he's not going to get the upper hand. Remy has his family? Okay, have Snowbell get like a dozen cat friends and tell them it's all you can eat.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

We don't know how well a Remy-piloted Linguini-mech can fight as we haven't yet seen it. This could be a Pacific Rim situation (I didn't actually see that movie, but I'm guessing it applies somehow)

Now I get why the OP is sick of this debate... This shit goes deep.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Remy can control a human being, he's gonna fuck that lil bitch up!

[–] Bytemeister 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Huh, I always saw it the otherway-round. Linguini had had motor reactions to hair follicle stimuli. Movie has a darker perspective if Remy can hijack any person with hair.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Whenever he's got hold of those hair reins, it seems as though Linguini loses complete control of his bodily functions, and Remy is in charge. Maybe I'm misremembering, but I'm pretty sure it's what causes much of the comic mischief. If Linguini could still control his limbs, why wouldn't he just stop Remy from flailing about...

Or am I just thinking about the scene when Linguini is asleep in the kitchen and Remy is in complete control?

Now that I think more about it, by the end of the film I think it becomes more of a synergistic thing as they learn to work in concert to cook the best dish.

Which makes me believe that they could do the same thing with fighting, given enough time to train. In which case, it's no question that they would (possibly quite literally) stomp Stuart Little's whiney little bitch ass

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

Sure, after a 2 year training montage maybe

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

But what if Stuart had been adopted by Soviet Russians?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

I'd love to see this as an alternate history Stuart Little film lol...

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 weeks ago

I always love to imagine the other orphans reaction when the family shows up and picks a rat over them

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Also Remy pilots a human mecha.

[–] rustydomino 3 points 2 weeks ago

Holy shit imagine if Remy was also a rat New Type!

[–] chiliedogg 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Martin the Warrior would kick their asses so hard the Mossflower monks would weep.

[–] TheRealKuni 4 points 2 weeks ago
[–] Jerb322 16 points 2 weeks ago

It's a rat vs a mouse...rat hands down.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Whenever I see Stuart Little, I am reminded that canonically he's not actually a mouse, but rather a small human boy.

https://www.woot.com/blog/post/the-debunker-is-stuart-little-a-mouse

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

This will never not be insane to me

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago

To hell with this obviously one-sided blowout match with Remy, I wanna see Stuart in his car race Ralph on his motorcycle.

[–] FlyingSquid 14 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I want to hate Stuart Little, but god damn was E.B. White a good writer. Even The Elements of Style is a great read just as a book in my opinion.

A couple of quotes from Stuart Little:

In the loveliest town of all where the houses were white and high and the elm trees were green and higher than the houses where the front yards were wide and pleasant and the back yards were bushy and worth finding out about, where the streets sloped down to the stream and the stream flowed quietly under the bridge, where the lawns ended in orchards and the orchards ended in fields and the fields ended in pastures and the pastures climbed the hill and disappeared over the top toward the wonderful wide sky, in this loveliest of all towns Stuart stopped to get a drink of sarsaparilla.

Stuart rose from the ditch, climbed into his car, and started up the road that led toward the north...As he peeked ahead into the great land that stretched before him, the way seemed long. But the sky was bright, and he somehow felt he was headed in the right direction.

I can't hate a book written that well even though Stuart was a little shit in the book as well.

Wilbur the pig was also a little shit.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This person is absolutely spot on, but there's something so hilarious to me about how exasperated they seem with this debate, like they're tired of having to constantly repeat themselves about that little bitch Stuart Little

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Honestly, even looking at him in the original image is pissing me off. What a smug little piece of shit.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My money is on Fievel. After he went West, of course.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

He was scarred for life after watching how the west was won and then lost his right leg in the civil war.

[–] Emerald 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

I found this one crazy schizophrenic-sounding blog once and this person hated Stuart Little so much. I wonder if this is why.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Maybe they were a kid on the adoption agency that got passed on by the family who adopted Stuart Little. Imagine someone preferring to adopt a literal mouse over you,a human kid.

[–] RedAggroBest 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Iirc in the original kids book, he's just a fucked up human kid who's 3 inches tall and covered in fur

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

In the original book he also wasn't adopted, to be fair. He was just born looking like a mouse.

[–] Bytemeister 5 points 2 weeks ago

Happens all the time. I chose a snake over a child just a few months ago.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Well don’t hoard all the schizophrenic-sounding blogs just for yourself…..

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Emerald 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Warning: it's batshit insane and kinda disturbing.

https://nyapokamyau.neocities.org/

I found the quote about Stuart Little

I HATE DRUNKS AND I HATE DRUGS AND I FUCKING HATE STUART LITTLE. FUCK HIM. DISGUSTING PERVERT GROOMER MIDGET FUCKING SHIT EATER.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

i do NOT understand how she got to stuart little from the rest of that omg

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil 5 points 2 weeks ago

Riff Raff? Street rat?

I don't buy that.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

The mouse on the motorcycle would win, duh.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

Neither is a match for Dangermouse

[–] Iheartcheese 3 points 2 weeks ago

Me. I'd win.

[–] ampedwolfman 2 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah and fuck Johnathan Lipnicky.

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