this post was submitted on 04 Sep 2024
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The Onion

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Until this moment I completely forgot about those things

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[–] [email protected] 92 points 2 months ago (4 children)

I ate the onion here, just for a moment.

[–] [email protected] 48 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The problem with Dementia Donnie is that this kind of rant is plausible. You didn't eat the onion, the onion is becoming a real news journal.

[–] GraniteM 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Exactly. I can't trust anymore oniony sites to be satire because we're at that point in reality.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago

Same. The problem is all manor of oniony posts sound like a “normal” Trump Tuesday.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Fucking same, had to actually check.

[–] someguy3 7 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

Same. But there actually are movements to get rid of sugary drink vending machines. It has been done in some places, thought he could be referring to that.

[–] Today 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

They removed sodas from our school vending machines and replaced them with yoohoo and other non-carbonated drinks with the same sugar. Carbonation is not the problem! Now they've put sodas back, but only diet ones, so I'm not sure that's better.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Too early to say for sure, but artificial sweeteners might be bad for kids.

Their bodies are still calibrating on how sweetness translates to calories.

Diet sodas are very sweet but provide no calories.

So their bodies might take it as a general rule either that very sweet things are safe to consume in excess, or that their expected intake always falls short of their actual intake so they should overeat across the board.

Again, it’s too early to say for sure, but there are enough plausible concerns that I wouldn’t automatically assume it’s fine.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 2 months ago

Is this really satire if it's indistinguishable from regular news?

[–] MeatPilot 27 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I just recall having a soda vending machine in highschool and being told students weren't allowed to use it. This was placed in the lunch room next to where we all sat, not a teacher's lounge.

We had a designated smoking area if you were 18 though.

[–] Zirconium 1 points 2 months ago (1 children)

How long ago was this? 18 year olds smoking must've been 50+ years ago

[–] MeatPilot 3 points 2 months ago

Was the 90s, before the nationwide ban on smoking in public places and restaurants. Which I think happen very shortly after I graduated... I recall a protest about allowing smoking on campus at college.

Anyhow the highschool I went to wasn't exactly with it. Basically was in the boonies and under the radar of national regulations. I kind of feel like they just let the seniors use the space to avoid conflicts with the aggressively redneck families that populated the area. Same went for all the lifted trucks waving confederate flags, no one was about to start that fight.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

Somehow, I also forgot those existed. They were everywhere in the 90s.

[–] BoxOfFeet 7 points 2 months ago

Wow, that brings back memories. Discontinued in 2003? I guess we were among the last classes to enjoy its sugary goodness at lunch.

[–] dephyre 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Finally, he floats a policy I can get behind! Add dunkaroos and Sobe and I'm in.

[–] Raiderkev 1 points 2 months ago

They rebooted dunkaroos, and you can get them on Amazon. Prepare to be disappointed tho. The cookies were not as good, and more importantly not shaped like kangaroos. I'm also guessing OG dunkaroos had a bunch of hydrogenated oil or something in the dip bc the frosting sucked too compared to what I remember. I've thought about getting the chocolate one, but I don't want to be let down again.

Dunkaroos Vanilla Cookies and Vanilla Frosting with Rainbow Sprinkles, 6 ct https://a.co/d/dRh98tf

[–] whotookkarl 5 points 2 months ago

Honey mustard chicken with bacon and a fruitopia from Quiznos is my nostalgia 90's meal

[–] BugleFingers 3 points 2 months ago

Next up, opposing candidate promises personal pony identification system for all citizens.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

We had a Snapple machine

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago
[–] Mostly_Gristle 3 points 2 months ago

Bring back OK Soda or there's nothing to discuss.

[–] SpruceBringsteen 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Whatever happened to Allsport?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 months ago

That stuff was my jam for wrestling team hydration