this post was submitted on 15 Aug 2024
490 points (99.2% liked)

Not The Onion

12540 readers
918 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

“It was hiding in the celery," said DEA Special Agent in Charge Robert Murphy. "Obviously, we threw away the celery. That didn’t make it to the store.”

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] LEDZeppelin 191 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Perfect example that vast majority of narcotics enter the country through LEGAL checkpoints and NOT via migrants crossing the border as Trump and GOP like to fear monger

[–] 4lan 85 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (3 children)

not to mention they are half as criminally violent compared to US Citizens....about 45% less violent if they are undocumented

It has always been about racism. not crime. not drugs.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (28 children)

The crime stats are heavily skewed as undocumented persons are significantly less likely to involve the police.

Large groups of people are pretty predictable. The actual crime rates are probably much closer to the equivalent crime rates of the cities and neighborhoods that align to with their own economic status i.e class and poverty are the best predictors of crime rates, not citizenship, or lack thereof.

This isn't an argument for, or against, any immigration policy. It's an argument against using flawed statistics.

[–] FuglyDuck 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Dollar for dollar, hedge fund managers, bankers, CEOs and such like are far more prolific thieves than those in poverty.

(It’s kinda how they got wealthy…)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (4 children)

Yeah, I don't disagree.

But again, that has nothing to do with what's been discussed here.

For starters, this is about violent crime and it's not about the inherent criminality of any group of people.

It's about stats and why this particular statistic is critically flawed, and bogus.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] TempermentalAnomaly 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)

There's a lot of assumptions here.

Significant isn't specific. A specific number would give us an idea if the rate of crime committed by undocumented persons exceeds, meets, or continues to fall short of the other two groups.

Next, you're assuming that the victims of violent crimes by undocumented workers are other undocumented workers. This, to some degree makes sense. But it's not 100%.

Next, poverty in of itself isn't sufficient to predict rates of crime. Crime is a choice taken when there aren't other avenues available. Arguably, the reasons undocumented peoples move here is because their prospects are better here. That is to say, they chose to leave their people to come here instead of staying there and commiting crime. This isn't, obviously, specific. But it's a factor you didn't consider.

Finally, what do you mean by class? There's a lot of usages.

This isn't an argument to say you are wrong. It's an argument that you have been specific or open to other factors.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (26 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 months ago (2 children)

They really seem to not care about anything other than the migrants.

[–] snekerpimp 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

“But they will take my cookies!”

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

But they will take my cocaine!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

And my bow.

[–] YarHarSuperstar 5 points 4 months ago

And genitals.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago (3 children)

So the lesson is not to get rid of immigration, but of vegetables!

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 52 points 4 months ago (4 children)

The agency had learned about a semitrailer coming across the Mexican border, and agents tracked the drugs to the farmers market, said DEA Special Agent in Charge Robert Murphy. The drugs were found inside the truck, he said.

“This was contained in a cover load of celery,”

So unfortunately not inside the celery itself, which would of course be significantly more fun :(

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (4 children)

Now I'm wondering if you could get celery to soak up a drug solution since it's so watery, then extract the drugs again later

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Pretty crazy that imported food is finding it's way into a farmer's market in the first place. My local farmers market is pretty stringent on what is allowed and eant proof that your produce or wares were produced within 100 miles of the city.

[–] FuglyDuck 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

It was likely not the final selling point, just a convenient place with lots of trucks and people to blend into. May have had one guy with a stall, but it was more likely a place to split it into other shipments.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Meth sprinkled celery would be quite a reinventing of the traditional ‘ants on a log’ recipe, anyway

[–] Iheartcheese 4 points 4 months ago

I'd like to return the headline please

[–] [email protected] 36 points 4 months ago

Don't knock it until you've tried it. I lost 87 pounds in 2 months on the meth and celery diet. The twitching and sores are totally worth it.

[–] sensiblepuffin 27 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] sensiblepuffin 5 points 4 months ago

No worries!

[–] FuglyDuck 22 points 4 months ago

“How to get your kids to crave their vegetables.”

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago (1 children)

They didn't throw out the meth though right?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The 1500 lb of meth? No they didn't throw that away.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That seizure of 980lb of meth is surely a county record, and was promptly moved to a secure location.

[–] FrowingFostek 11 points 4 months ago

Yeah we loaded all 530lbs of meth into evidence already Danny.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

First those sweets in NZ then this. Lots of screwups in the meth business!

[–] EleventhHour 13 points 4 months ago

At that point, isn’t it more that celery was found in a shipment of meth?

[–] BeMoreCareful 11 points 4 months ago

ANTS! On a log!

But these will crawl all over you.

[–] Drunemeton 9 points 4 months ago

My mom just used peanut butter to stuff celery. This sounds like a horrible mother…

[–] farcaster 7 points 4 months ago

Not the onion indeed

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

The most intense bump on a log you've ever had.

[–] TokenBoomer 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Everyone knows celery is a precursor. Jesse, it’s time to cook 🧑‍🍳

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Why is meth suddenly popping up in food everywhere?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago

Meth has always beem a popular party drug, and has always entered the country in wild vectors like this. I think what has changed is the DEA is no longer cracking down on illegal marijuana imports aince half the states now have legalized growth in some capacity or another. No sense in shipping pot to Wisconsin or Indiana when every state they border has a dispenseries directly across the state line. The DEA has to show that they are doing something, so they are cracking down on meth now

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Meth is really tasty

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Both have negative calories?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

At least the junkies are eating healthy.

load more comments
view more: next ›