I see a lot of obvious signs that you are thinking about killing yourself that everyone seems to be ignoring.
Remember that you are valid no matter what and that in America you can dial 988 anytime you need to talk to someone
this post was submitted on 01 Jul 2024
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No Stupid Questions
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- ex. How do I change oil
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These two things are ~~entirely~~ mostly unrelated. People who do not want to be misgendered for whatever reason use them to avoid being misgendered as often as possible. To be inclusive some allies include theirs also, it shows some level of support and helps normalize displaying pronouns. You can still support others without putting your own pronouns promenantly out there for everyone to see.
Take me for instance. I identify agenderly but use he/him pronouns mostly becuase that's how I was born and look. I, much like you, don't care about how I'm pronouned, and honestly I prefer however I'm presenting at the time. In life it doesn't change much. But in games it can vary.
My own opinion on pronouns being that they exist to ease conversation, and so long as they do that, I have no problem using anyone's preferred selection. Up until someone decides their pronouns are so unique that it's not really a pronoun anymore, it's more like a second name. That's when I get a bit petty and will generally avoid talking about whoever that is at all.
My homie, you can be an ally the same way us cishetero folks can. You just support trans folks however and whenever you can. How you choose to self label is 100% independent of that, even when that self label is no label at all.
Just don't use the pronoun labeling at all, you'll be fine. I don't think I've run across anything where you're required to have it. There might be, but I haven't run across it.
Your self, your sense of identity is just as valid as anyone else's.
I see a lot of obvious signs that you are thinking about killing yourself that everyone seems to be ignoring.
Remember that you are valid no matter what and that in America you can dial 988 anytime you need to talk to someone
988 is a great way to line the pockets of the medical establishment, get labeled with a diagnosis to become a second class citizen, and get a medical bill for tens of thousands of dollars. The only person that line benefits are big pharma and the medical industrial complex. You are either naive or cruel as to the financial implications of what you suggest. Involuntary stays, and 988 regularly results in those for unweary callers, are enormously expensive and you don't have an option as to whether accept the treatment and bill once they come to haul you away.
Like I told the other commenter, my experience is a 180 flip of what you say, so I am going to continue to recommend it, but I will add on a warning of the possibilities you speak of.
You can be a trans ally regardless of how you identify gender-wise or how you feel about sharing your preferred pronouns to others.
There's more than one way to be trans. But the mainstream centres a certain trans experience/narrative above all others that includes the gender binary and presuming everyone has enough privilege, safety, and support that they can broadcast their pronouns widely without risk of discrimination, job loss, etc. A lot of trans people do not enjoy that level of freedom of expression - temporarily while in transition or migrating to safer place, or permanently. It's not uncommon to meet trans people who are critical of 'pronoun culture', which can refer to institutions doing the bare minimum to present a picture of inclusivity while failing to acknowledge current barriers.
I identify differently in different contexts, because disclosing my preferred pronouns is my right and I'm not going to do it to the detriment of my safety. Other people and institutions have to earn that trust first. So I generally don't broadcast pronouns, and they aren't that important to me. But when I see other people using them, I appreciate the roadmap for how they'd like me to interact with them.
I get a bit of a sense you might not yet have found an identity that really resonates with you. For me, feeling disconnected from my core sense of gender and feeling dissatisfied with life are highly associated.
When you mention identity, I don't feel gender fluid. I am just very gay and disconnected from everything and I feel like defining my pronouns may imply a level of caring about labels that doesn't represent my general indifference.
There are many reasons why people may not disclose their pronouns and I wouldn't presume that means taking a stance against trans or anyone.
If today I saw emojis listed as someone's pronouns, my first thought would be that they're trolling or taking it as a joke though.
Just be yourself, show your support in any way that makes you feel comfortable and if anyone asks why you don't disclose yours you can just say pretty much what you've just said. I think it's understandable enough.
[Reader, beware: take what I say with a grain of salt. I'm not trans, I just happen to have a few trans friends here and there.]
I think that people in general confuse the symbols too much with what they represent. Third person pronouns in English might symbolise your gender identity, but they aren't the identity itself; first and foremost, you're still you, regardless of those words. Just pick whatever you feel more comfortable with - be it "he/him", "any", or any other choice.
And remember that your choice of pronouns doesn't dictate who you are. Even if you see yourself as effeminate, and even if you have an unclear identity, and go for he/him, there's no contradiction. Same deal if you pick "any" and see yourself as a man.
And I feel like a lot of trans people have the same identity struggles as you do, or at least know someone in the same situation. Based on that I don't think that the ones in good faith would bat an eye towards something like "he/him/any".
Hey, I just want to say that I have a similarly tragic backstory, and I see you. It's never easy, but it does get easier.
If you really don't care about pronouns but want to signal that you realize they're important to people, why not try he/they on for size? People will probably default to "he" which you're accustomed to, but if someone uses "they" would you really notice?
I think "they" is probably a specific gender identity and using that would be like coming out as not male, but i do feel male. I dont think it would be accurate.
Well the good news is that "they" is no gender identity I've ever heard of. It's the third-person pronoun to be used when gender either doesn't matter or is unknown. For example, "I got an email from a new client, I wonder what they want?"
Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that pronouns themselves aren't genders. You should list whichever pronouns you're comfortable being used for yourself, and the presence or absence of them from your profile says nothing about your personal beliefs.
I didnt know that. I thought when people said they/them it meant gender fluid and was a different type of identity.
my ex-wife said, after a lot of introspection, that she's definitely a cis woman, but wants to go by them as well :3 it's often used by folks who feel there's a void where their gender should be, but there's absolutely no reason why you couldn't use it, too!
Yep - I identify as male, but I put he/they in my email signature because I a) want to signal active support for the trans community and b) don't really think about my own gender much and kind of like de-gendering my language wherever possible.
Two things:
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You're an ally if you respect other peoples' gender identity and support their rights.
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Whatever you choose for yourself isn't disrespectful to anyone else. The whole point is to be able to be your true self, whatever that is. And it's okay if you don't know: pick whatever you're comfortable with (or least uncomfortable with) today.
I'm an ally, but I don't put my pronouns in any profile. I let people figure it out for themselves. Pronouns are only useful for talking about me anyways. If they get it wrong, it's not really a big deal, and if it might cause confusion, I'll correct them.
To the content of your post though, I sincerely hope that you are able to access some therapy.
Comrade, the pronouns you are looking for are any/all. I know lots of nonbinary people who have that listed as their pronouns. Everyone I know understands those pronouns represent a flexible and nonspecific attitude towards one's own gender, and they aren't a dogwhistle or anything.
Also if you want to understand your gender identity better I know some queer discord servers that help questioning people. And comrade, it is plain to see you are questioning so hard you might as well be dressed as the Riddler.
I am not. I have never wanted boobs, worn lipstick, wanted hips. I just see myself as really gay and I feel like he/him implies a sort of normal dude ethos that i am not. If i could change, I'd be taller and have bigger shoulders. I just like dudes. I am posting on lemmy, why would I lie?
I havent lied at all on here... except for the username. This is clearly an alt account... π«£
That's an awfully binary way of looking at things. You're talking as though boobs and lipstick, or he/him, are the only two options. Don't you know there are thousands of tall, broad-shouldered, unfeminine genders? You could have xe/xim if you wanted. I don't mean to imply that you do, but you're clearly unhappy with he/him in some way. You shouldn't assume you only have two choices. You've got billions of choices.
Alright.
I also feel similar. I don't think I really exist, like I'm just some omniscient narrator. I don't have much attachment to my gender either because of that, and I'm asexual. I tried to participate more in activities to make that feeling go away, but it only got stronger as the years pass by.
To cope with that, I try not to think about labels too much. Go for what you truly feel. I'm cis, but would like to get a nullification surgery one day. What the LGBT is about, is making you feel comfortable, making you feel like your true self, no matter how weird or unexplainable it is.
What is nullification surgery?
I definitely still like dudes too much to do anything like that, without knowing what it is. I am mostly asexual via alienation.
It's a type of surgery to remove most primary sexual traits (genitals). You can choose what you would like to remove tho. If you like how you look, then it's probably not for you.
Not to armchair diagnose you, but asexuality via alienation reminds me of schizoid personality disorder, as seen by the Wikipedia description.
Edit: mixed a few things in the definistion
I think it's easy to mistake trauma for personality. I used to be vivacious. The only treatments for trauma involve interaction with the mental health industry. I am not willing to do that after terrible previous experiences.
I wouldn't want nullification surgery. I used to be very sexual and am mostly not due to trauma, not because of feeling like an inherent asexual or genderless person.
Oh in that case, it's probably not that. (Edit: in any case, can't armchair diagnose someone lmao)
(Edit 2: I also forgot that this disorder is developed as well. For example, take this person on reddit)
I understand your reluctance to go to the mental health industry for help. Some people there tend to lack empathy, which is weird considering the domain lol.
In any case, I find this guide to be useful on the asexuality and trauma.
I appreciate the gesture, but after my terrible mental health industry experiences, I pass on all of it, even in anonymous reading format.
Oh it's not a guide for how to heal from trauma, if that's what you meant! It's about using the term if you think it stems from trauma.
i've seen people use "any/all", maybe that?
sounds like "any/all" is the way to go for you.
I feel like any and all would imply a fluidity more than feelings of disconnectedness, as though I identify as multiple genders, and I don't. I just mostly don't care and barely feel like a person. I don't wear dresses or want to. When I say i'm effeminate, i just mean my voice and mannerisms don't sound masculine. Perhaps I should actually use (he/him) but I feel like that implies typical male dude and that doesn't really accurately describe me.
you're way overthinking this. pronouns are about pronouns. it's not that complicated. any/all means you don't care what people say. he/him means you want masculine pronouns. he/they (he/them) means you prefer masculine but are fine with they.
just put whatever you prefer. no one cares what you are; people who look at these are only concerned with what you prefer to be called in third person. that's it.