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If I don't care what pronouns are used, can I still be an ally? (self.nostupidquestions)

submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by notanaltaccount to c/[email protected]

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Trigger warning: this could be upsetting

Shortly after graduating school, I hung out with someone I met once before and was raped and have some trauma in my background. It was aquaintance rape I guess? I barely knew him. There's other bad stuff that's happened that's also horrifying, some of it worse than that.

I am biologically male and effeminate, but don't want to have a female body. I don't really feel like anything and sort of don't care what people call me. I am slightly asexual just from trauma and don't really feel like I exist in a way. It wouldn't surprise me if I'm not around in another decade.

I support trans people, but feel like putting he/him next to my name sort of implies a more clear identity than I have or implies I care about how people label me. I don't. I sort of barely exist and don't like to imply otherwise. People can call me anything, I don't care. I don't see myself as female or a they or it. I don't see myself as anything.

I almost want to go like (he/him/*) but I am afraid this would be disrespectful.

I truthfully would like to be (he/him/🫥/💀) which would obviously be seen as demeaning. I feel like anything other than normal parantheticals opens the door to a distracting conversation that I don't want professionally and often don't want personally. And I feel like nothing after my name is dog-whistle for trans-people-are-invalid.

(I don't care about pronouns but support trans people) also seems disrespectful and sort of like "i want attention" and I really don't.

I wish I could support trans people without having to label myself or my body or even bring up these topics. Is there a way to do that? There probably isn't.

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[–] notanaltaccount 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I think it's easy to mistake trauma for personality. I used to be vivacious. The only treatments for trauma involve interaction with the mental health industry. I am not willing to do that after terrible previous experiences.

I wouldn't want nullification surgery. I used to be very sexual and am mostly not due to trauma, not because of feeling like an inherent asexual or genderless person.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Oh in that case, it's probably not that. (Edit: in any case, can't armchair diagnose someone lmao)

(Edit 2: I also forgot that this disorder is developed as well. For example, take this person on reddit)

I understand your reluctance to go to the mental health industry for help. Some people there tend to lack empathy, which is weird considering the domain lol.

In any case, I find this guide to be useful on the asexuality and trauma.

[–] notanaltaccount 2 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I appreciate the gesture, but after my terrible mental health industry experiences, I pass on all of it, even in anonymous reading format.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 months ago

Oh it's not a guide for how to heal from trauma, if that's what you meant! It's about using the term if you think it stems from trauma.