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If I don't care what pronouns are used, can I still be an ally? (self.nostupidquestions)

submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) by notanaltaccount to c/[email protected]

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Trigger warning: this could be upsetting

Shortly after graduating school, I hung out with someone I met once before and was raped and have some trauma in my background. It was aquaintance rape I guess? I barely knew him. There's other bad stuff that's happened that's also horrifying, some of it worse than that.

I am biologically male and effeminate, but don't want to have a female body. I don't really feel like anything and sort of don't care what people call me. I am slightly asexual just from trauma and don't really feel like I exist in a way. It wouldn't surprise me if I'm not around in another decade.

I support trans people, but feel like putting he/him next to my name sort of implies a more clear identity than I have or implies I care about how people label me. I don't. I sort of barely exist and don't like to imply otherwise. People can call me anything, I don't care. I don't see myself as female or a they or it. I don't see myself as anything.

I almost want to go like (he/him/*) but I am afraid this would be disrespectful.

I truthfully would like to be (he/him/🫥/💀) which would obviously be seen as demeaning. I feel like anything other than normal parantheticals opens the door to a distracting conversation that I don't want professionally and often don't want personally. And I feel like nothing after my name is dog-whistle for trans-people-are-invalid.

(I don't care about pronouns but support trans people) also seems disrespectful and sort of like "i want attention" and I really don't.

I wish I could support trans people without having to label myself or my body or even bring up these topics. Is there a way to do that? There probably isn't.

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[–] pyre 1 points 5 months ago (1 children)

sounds like "any/all" is the way to go for you.

[–] notanaltaccount 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I feel like any and all would imply a fluidity more than feelings of disconnectedness, as though I identify as multiple genders, and I don't. I just mostly don't care and barely feel like a person. I don't wear dresses or want to. When I say i'm effeminate, i just mean my voice and mannerisms don't sound masculine. Perhaps I should actually use (he/him) but I feel like that implies typical male dude and that doesn't really accurately describe me.

[–] pyre 3 points 5 months ago

you're way overthinking this. pronouns are about pronouns. it's not that complicated. any/all means you don't care what people say. he/him means you want masculine pronouns. he/they (he/them) means you prefer masculine but are fine with they.

just put whatever you prefer. no one cares what you are; people who look at these are only concerned with what you prefer to be called in third person. that's it.