Imagine being stuck in your "I am the provider of this family" gender role so much that you turn down this kind of offer.
this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2023
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Shit. I took this offer for 10k more than I was making and benefits.
People underestimate the value of decent family benefits and the cost of child care. The benefits of having a stay at home parent breaks even way sooner than people think.
Depends on where in the world you are. Pre-kindergarten-daycare for a toddler costs about 300 € where I am, so two working parents are taking home way more than they have to pay additionally.
I would hope parents understand that spending time with their kids has value that cannot be replaced by money.
I mean, you do what you have to to get by. Just don't choose to spend time at work instead of with your kids.
Are you a parent yourself?
Are you implying my point is invalid if I'm not? That's called ad hominem.
Respond to the point made, not the person making it.
That isn't an ad hominem. That would be if they called you stupid. It's actually a very reasonable discussion point to ask if you have personal experience with this topic. This is a situation where having kids is probably important to make a well reasoned argument.
Kind of ironic how you - instead of responding to the question asked - went into attack mode. There was no attack in there at all. In order to respond to the point made, it's important to know if it is a point made from personal experience (as a parent) or from a theoretical standpoint of a non-parent. It does not invalidate the point itself, yet changes it's perspective.
My answers will be different if there's a fellow parent with different life experiences than me or if there is someone who's seen parenthood more from the outside. Both change nothing regarding the validity, yet your reaction to a dentist telling something about teeth would be different than your reaction to a maths teacher telling you something about teeth, wouldn't it?
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(1 replies)
This is the way.
I would work even if I didn't need to. Right now with some cutbacks we could probably make it on my wife's salary. I like producing.
12 million? Pfft. Just a small fraction of that is more than fine. My wife makes ~$150k a year as a therapist and I am indeed happily that guy. Throw in home school, playing with the kids, running errands, and handling other parental and spousal duties that pop up.
Is it tiring? Yes, quite often. Is it stressful? Yes, sometimes. Is it worth it? Hell yeah.
Do I miss work since I “retired” almost two years ago? Hell no.
As long as life’s basics are covered and there’s a little extra play money it’s all worth it.
I get to make this choice soon. We're planning on having our first kid soon, and my wife makes way more money than me. She'll support me whether or not I choose to be a a stay-at-home dad. I appreciate hearing from someone who has been there!
I hemmed and hawed for a few months but what brought me to my decision to leave my career was the extra thousands of hours I would get with my kids as they grow up. That time is just SO much more valuable than money.
Sure, we could make ~250k a year combined, aggressively invest, and enjoy a lavish lifestyle in our 50’s. But at what cost?
So, I spend my days with the kids and my wife works from her in-home therapy office—with dialed-back hours to enjoy 3-day weekends with us. One day we will retire comfortably enough to get a decent RV, travel 1-2x a year, and dig into hobbies. And the trade off for less wealth? We’ll have rock solid relationships with our children with so many fond memories of their childhood—far more than we’d have if we both spent 40+ hours a week working.
As I’m sure you know, it’s an extremely fortunate position to be in. If you choose to resign and take the plunge into SAHD life you can always return to work if you decide it’s just not for you. Good luck!
Oh, and one more thing: I have a book recommendation. I think it should be mandatory reading for all parents. It’s called ‘Playful Parenting: An Exciting New Approach to Raising Children That Will Help You Nurture Close Connections, Solve Behavior Problems, and Encourage Confidence’ by Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D. I’m almost done with it. My kids are 7 and 15; I wish I read it years ago but it is what it is.
Wow, that was better than any reply I ever received on Reddit. Thanks for taking the time to respond and sharing your experience. I will definitely check the book out!
I would advise you to try to find if it's actually viable (and how hard it is) to go back to a job comparable with what you have now after being a couple years out of the market. I think this is something that varies from place to place and it's a known problem here (Brazil). I don't know how dependent on age, sex or career it is, though.
I've seen variations of this, which seem like the intent is to be progressive, but the $$ is always set to some ridiculous amount (like $12 mil??).
I'd do it for a normal human salary if that's what my family needed.
Would you do (normal thing) for (absurd) dollars per year?
I'd even do it for a normal lizard salary, if needed.
Mate, of she's earning 12m a year we can afford a cleaner. It would be my job to attend her other needs, if you know what I mean.
Be an awesome friend who has her back in everything she needs.
It would be my job to attend her other needs, if you know what I mean.
Yes, go clean the dishes please, sweetheart ;)
Actually, someone on 12m a year needs a personal assistant who can keep their non working life in order. Pissing away their partners time in dishwashing would be a waste of time.
12 million? I'd do that if she earned 200k a year. The outfit and everything
would do it for much less.
I would do it for 12 hugs a year
You're hired. Please pm me for details.
Bruh, that's way past "just hire cleaners" money so
How I hate gender roles...
I hate how people think this question doesn't have an obvious answer.
Believe me, it's not obvious for the vast majority.
$12 million/yr? The average person isn't able to comprehend that level of income. Thats ~$47k per HOUR. Like the average amount of money the median american makes in a YEAR.
It's actually $5769.23/hr
$47k an hour is more like $98 million a year. Just under.
Some extra zeros slipped in there somewhere. That careful attention to detail explains the lack of 8 figure salary.
Math skills like this is why I don't earn $12 million a year.
$12,000,000/52 weeks = $230,769.23 per week.
$230,769/40 hours = $5,769.23/hr.
I know how to use the calculator, Do I deserve it?
I'd probably get bored off my ass with only housework to do, so I'd take this some of the time if my partner raked in €12M/y. And I'd hire a cleaner.
It's an interesting question really. You have enough money & time to have your every need covered, and have had so for the past several years. You've done everything you've set out to do when money was no longer an object, you've seen & done it all. What now?
Divorce her and take some of the money.
Now I'm free to do whatever I want, and I get a hefty amount of money.
I do not advocate for marrying and divorcing someone for lonely.
Unless that person is a proper bellend, like Musk, Zuckerberg, whoever the hecks in charge of google. Bezos
This reminds me of a story I saw some years ago on a subreddit, not sure if it was a revenge subreddit or MaliciousCompliance, of a slightly older man stocking shelves at a major supermarket. This older man seemed well-groomed, well-spoken, all that jazz, and he drove a Jaguar to work. So one day our OP asked for his story.
Turns out the man, several years before, had a job in upper management at a Fortune 500 company, making easily six figures before bonuses. One day, he and his wife end up divorcing, and she demands 45% of his income, as well as the house. One of the lawyers manages to negotiate a different deal, where she gets 75% of his income, but he gets to keep the house. No number, no minima, just "75 percent of his income."
So when judge signs off on it, this old man quits his Fortune 500 job and takes a minimum wage job, stocking shelves at a supermarket.
Of course, the ex-missus is pissed, now that her income has basically dried up, but there's little she can do.
Get a homelab, self-host everything, email included.
I'm pretty sure "stay at home" does not mean you are a prisoner and are only allowed to do the dishes. With that kind of cash behind you, you would mostly have to make sure the house runs fine, but not necessarily alone. Then, it gives you some time to do whatever you want. Heck, even if you really stay at home most of the time, you could have rooms for games, training, making stuff, etc.
Although bringing money back is a requirement, it is not the motivation for a lot of people. Making stuff they enjoy is. If I was not burdened by the need to pay for food & a roof, I believe I would still design software, code, and have hardware projects. The only thing that would change is their scope, not being driven by customer craziness.
Learn, study, figure out how to be a better person, see if I can figure out one of the universe's mysteries. Put effort towards helping others. Or play video games.
12 million what? Pesos? Lemons? Watermelons?
Bitcoins
Depends on how much she shares of that $12 million
For me it's more if she is a loving wife and doesn't lord her income over my head. Because that's a shitty thing to do no matter what gender you are.
Even 1/100th would be quite a lot!
Sneako good ending