Greentext

Here's another one: humans are some of the only animals (even among primates) that can throw things, not just toss things around.

In other words, humans are cowardly pokers who aren't even willing to take on DPS enemies with honor

Ah, welcome back to another video where today we're diving into the most ambitious open-world game ever created, the real world, featuring the starting species Homo sapiens. Now, developers really outdid themselves with this one, creating a game that's perfectly balanced with no exploits whatsoever... or so they thought. You see, Homo sapiens, these peculiar little characters, have stumbled upon an absolutely game-breaking exploit: endurance running. Unlike their in-game counterparts, these lads can run super large distances, outpacing virtually any prey in the long run, literally.

Now, you might be wondering, "How does this translate into an exploit?" Well, sit back as I demonstrate the sheer unbalanced nature of this ability. Our Homo sapiens ancestors used this stamina hack to hunt down creatures that, by all accounts, should have easily outmatched them. But no, through sheer persistence and a bit of clever thinking, they turned their sweaty long-distance jogs into the most effective hunting strategy, revolutionizing the food chain and leveling up humanity.

But here's the twist in the tale, the crème de la crème of human ingenuity. What becomes of this unprecedented endurance exploit? Ah, it leads to the cultural revolution that is the invention of Yorkshire Tea. That’s the real endgame here. Our Homo sapiens didn’t just use their marathon prowess for survival; oh no, they transcended. With all the excess resources and leisure time afforded by their unparalleled hunting strategy, they brewed up civilizations, refined cultures, and yes, perfected the art of tea-making. So, in a world that’s perfectly balanced with no exploits whatsoever, it’s the human spirit of persistence and a penchant for long runs that gave us the ultimate exploit: the creation of Yorkshire Tea. A true testament to how a simple exploit can lead to the pinnacle of culinary excellence and cultural sophistication.

(disclaimer: wrote it, but used GPT4 to tweak the style to fit spiff a bit more)

We learned nothing from the infinite mammoth meat hack when the devs banned the whole fucking species.

*insert 9001 mentions of tea*

I think any creature evolved through competition and natural selection will end up this way.

Lying, killing, stealing, loving, building community, etc. are advantageous to survival at different times and in different situations. Seems the best survival tactic for us was to just keep improving and blending these.

We are at the point in our development where a lot of them don't fit as well anymore. But they won't go anywhere unless they impact mating success or stop being passed down for genetic reason.

There's another team working on a Synth/AI DLC. Like the institute or geth. Should be cool!

And then cats just moved in

Apparently dogs more-or-less domesticated themselves as scavengers around human settlements and were initially used for transportation (sledding in ancient Siberia), vs hunting - here's a pretty decent podcast: https://shows.acast.com/the-ancients/episodes/the-first-dogs

Bro humans are leave tons of food everywhere and are afraid of mice.

Once humans learned to throw sharp sticks and not venture too far alone the threat of any predators is greatly diminished. The moment any kind of civilization formed there's no amount of hyenas and Crocs and lions that could keep humans in check. I doubt the civilizations of ancient Nubia lived in fear of predators.

Octopi fit ¾ of those requirements, as do Orca

Actually, do Octopi even need opposable thumbs? They can grasp things with their tentacles as effectively as we can grasp with ournl thumbs, can't they?

We can run both horses and dogs to death and keep jogging

Horses are actually remarkably easy to accidentally kill.

Hyenas were quite successful in hunting us in our early stages. We found a remarkable number of sites that we identified as hyena dens, that have a shocking amount of eaten humans as well as other fauna

I think it's supposed to predate weapons, especially the bow. Like run them down then kill them with a sharp pointy rock because it's all you have.