this post was submitted on 07 Jul 2023
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choose a superpower rule (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 
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[–] Majima 26 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I can slap people over TCP/IP

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Doing so causes your internet service to cut out for several hours.

[–] riodoro1 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I’d still use it occasionally.

[–] SuddenDownpour 8 points 1 year ago

I'd still use it all the time. Losing internet for a while sucks, but letting someone you'll never meet express their wrong opinions to equally unimportant strangers on a fake place for fake internet points without consequences??????????

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Slap people wirelessly, and get a break from the internet to cool off? sign me up.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Being the first known human to fully interface with a machine also leads to the discovery of cross-platform illnesses.

You are the first human to experience the effects of a backdoor trojan firsthand.

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[–] Chev 17 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I can feel the same emotions as others and am able to communicate without any misunderstandings.

[–] aftersomerain 19 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It only works on depressed people.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

I'm sooooo ok with this. Being able to understand where their depression was and able to communicate perfectly how to shift their perspective would give me a purpose that would kill my depression and realign my perspective.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

Become the best psychiatrist for depressed people ever

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (3 children)

whenever a bird chirps you hear the actual meaning of its song, as if it were shouted at you in your native tongue.

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[–] barrage4u 16 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I instantly know the answer to ANY question

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (6 children)

you now have access to cursed, ancient knowledge and it drives you crazy

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[–] DandomRude 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

... but you are a callcenter agent working in first level IT support.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (4 children)
[–] jackoneill 23 points 1 year ago

But you are blind

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (4 children)
[–] Majima 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Rise my tiny loblets!

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Ads are blocked for me in real life. Billboards, posters, tv-commercials, all gone!

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

You start bumping into invisible billboards all the time.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

You realize you are living in North Korea.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

They are blocked by obnoxious flashing and loud beeping noises.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I can jump 10x my own height and can stick to walls

[–] barrage4u 15 points 1 year ago

Walking on the ground is always slippery

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I can make my dad come back from getting the milk

[–] riodoro1 19 points 1 year ago

Now he forgot his cigarettes.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

He brings his new family

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

All my bodily functions smells nice, sort of perfume-like.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Your perfume-like scent acts as a pheromone to all insects in your proximity, leading to an endless swarm everywhere you go

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (8 children)

Seeds i plant always grow to the full size plant in a day.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

And require flesh for sustenance

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Mosquitos that drink my blood instantly die

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[–] jackoneill 7 points 1 year ago (4 children)
[–] arcorious 10 points 1 year ago

but only for things you are wearing

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[–] esadatari 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i get the superpower of getting to move through solid objects

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

But you're still affected by gravity so you immediately start freefall into the centre of the earth

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I can materialize any technology I want, whether it is possible or not.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

But everytime you do it you get sued for patent infringement

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago

They don't understand you

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Does obtaining the financial security of the average adult American in the 1980s count as a superpower? Home ownership on near-minimum wage does seem pretty fantastical.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But you become extremely jaded and disappointed in anyone younger than yourself, overcome with än irredeemable urge to tell people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps

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