I can slap people over TCP/IP
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Be sure to follow the rule before you head out.
Rule: You must post before you leave.
Doing so causes your internet service to cut out for several hours.
I’d still use it occasionally.
I'd still use it all the time. Losing internet for a while sucks, but letting someone you'll never meet express their wrong opinions to equally unimportant strangers on a fake place for fake internet points without consequences??????????
Slap people wirelessly, and get a break from the internet to cool off? sign me up.
Being the first known human to fully interface with a machine also leads to the discovery of cross-platform illnesses.
You are the first human to experience the effects of a backdoor trojan firsthand.
I can feel the same emotions as others and am able to communicate without any misunderstandings.
It only works on depressed people.
I'm sooooo ok with this. Being able to understand where their depression was and able to communicate perfectly how to shift their perspective would give me a purpose that would kill my depression and realign my perspective.
Become the best psychiatrist for depressed people ever
whenever a bird chirps you hear the actual meaning of its song, as if it were shouted at you in your native tongue.
I instantly know the answer to ANY question
you now have access to cursed, ancient knowledge and it drives you crazy
... but you are a callcenter agent working in first level IT support.
Ads are blocked for me in real life. Billboards, posters, tv-commercials, all gone!
You start bumping into invisible billboards all the time.
You realize you are living in North Korea.
I can jump 10x my own height and can stick to walls
Walking on the ground is always slippery
I can make my dad come back from getting the milk
Now he forgot his cigarettes.
He brings his new family
All my bodily functions smells nice, sort of perfume-like.
Your perfume-like scent acts as a pheromone to all insects in your proximity, leading to an endless swarm everywhere you go
Seeds i plant always grow to the full size plant in a day.
And require flesh for sustenance
i get the superpower of getting to move through solid objects
But you're still affected by gravity so you immediately start freefall into the centre of the earth
I can materialize any technology I want, whether it is possible or not.
But everytime you do it you get sued for patent infringement
Does obtaining the financial security of the average adult American in the 1980s count as a superpower? Home ownership on near-minimum wage does seem pretty fantastical.
But you become extremely jaded and disappointed in anyone younger than yourself, overcome with än irredeemable urge to tell people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps