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Doing so causes your internet service to cut out for several hours.

Being the first known human to fully interface with a machine also leads to the discovery of cross-platform illnesses.

You are the first human to experience the effects of a backdoor trojan firsthand.

It only works on depressed people.

whenever a bird chirps you hear the actual meaning of its song, as if it were shouted at you in your native tongue.

you now have access to cursed, ancient knowledge and it drives you crazy

... but you are a callcenter agent working in first level IT support.

But you are blind

The size of pea

You start bumping into invisible billboards all the time.

You realize you are living in North Korea.

They are blocked by obnoxious flashing and loud beeping noises.

Walking on the ground is always slippery

Now he forgot his cigarettes.

He brings his new family

Your perfume-like scent acts as a pheromone to all insects in your proximity, leading to an endless swarm everywhere you go

And require flesh for sustenance

but only for things you are wearing

But you're still affected by gravity so you immediately start freefall into the centre of the earth

But everytime you do it you get sued for patent infringement

They don't understand you

But you become extremely jaded and disappointed in anyone younger than yourself, overcome with än irredeemable urge to tell people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps