this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2024
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Unpopular Opinion

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[–] jeffw 26 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

I had multiple relationships from online dating, probably almost half of the women I dated I met online. I met my wife online.

The fact that you refer to men as men and women and girls probably says something about you though.

Edit: and no, I’m not attractive

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (3 children)

I am not a native english speaker.

I don't know why people assume here that everyone here is American.

[–] jeffw 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I’m not a native Spanish speaker, but I wouldn’t use hombre and chica or niña

[–] [email protected] -4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Then your Spanish is very good and I need to practice more English.

What are you trying to prove here.

[–] jeffw 8 points 11 months ago

My Spanish is pretty bad, I think you’re missing the point

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago

The person you're replying to didn't say anything about being American.

[–] TheFeatureCreature 14 points 11 months ago

Not impossible; most just are looking in the wrong places.

Finding people online works exactly the same as it does offline - you meet people in places of mutual interest or activity. Just like how IRL you would meet people in a local coffee shop or community space, you do the same online too. One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking the answer to this problem is a dating app which are literally designed to keep you hooked while making sure you don't get what you're looking for.

[–] OmenAtom 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Not impossible, I did it for example. Hard tho.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 11 months ago (2 children)

How exactly did you do it?

[–] OmenAtom 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I posted online about my interests and made it explicitly clear I was looking for someone long term that enjoyed those hobbies.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I mean you posted where and when?

[–] OmenAtom 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

We met on Yik yak like 8 years ago, the site got taken down cuz people used it for crimes sadly. Ive had some luck with dating sites, but again you have to want more than just sex from them otherwise they probably wont want to be around you.

[–] jeffw 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yik Yak has since been rebooted.

[–] OmenAtom 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] jeffw 2 points 11 months ago

I tried it once after the reboot and it wasn’t as active, but maybe it’s picked up since.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Find common interests. I found a chat server that reflected a social interest for myself and joined. Met a group of people that were fantastic and met them through that. Results may vary though as this was in 2020.

My advice is don't look to date but to find a connection through other means and / or interests. IMO, people who focus on "dating" often don't express themselves which is what most people use to ask: "Is this person a friend or foe?".

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago

My advice is don’t look to date

I think, even if you have the long-term intention of finding someone to date, this is the best approach. Not only does it mean you totally avoid coming off as desperate, but I think if you're actively looking to date then it can result in you holding them to ideals or standards they're not looking to or necessarily able to meet. And it can limit the connections you can form - both people to date and just new friendships - because you find yourself dismissing people who don't meet your pre-established idea of what you're looking for.

The fewer expectations you can place on someone, the more chance you have of forming a connection.

[–] mysoulishome 6 points 11 months ago

If you have a really good AOL instant messenger profile they flock to you

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

I met my late wife on Match.com in 2011 and we had a wonderful marriage. After she had passed away, I took some time to myself, but when I started dating again, I tried a variety of sites.

Hinge, bumble, tinder, and match all got me dates, but I eventually met my now girlfriend on match. We've been together over a year now and marriage is in the future at some point, we're just not in a rush.

It's worked for me twice now, so I think saying it's impossible isn't necessarily true. A lot depends on your location, interests, etc, but if you keep at it, you're likely to find someone eventually.

Perhaps post your online profiles, or portions of it, to some dating advice magazines and get some feedback. Without more information, we can't know why it's not working out for you in particular, but regardless best of luck out there!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

I met my wife online.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Certainly improbable, but it does sometimes happen. I know two guys that got married to someone they met playing World of Warcraft.

[–] Num10ck 4 points 11 months ago

improbable for many, sure.
'girls' and 'men' and 'to have a relationship' are all polynomials.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

It's clearly not impossible since any number of people do that every day. I'll grant you it's frequently an exhausting, somewhat dehumanizing, lopsided chore to deal with, relentlessly shittified by profiteering assholes with conflicts of interest, though.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago

really? I've managed it a few times and it honestly wasn't all that hard. I moved one of them in with me for a bit due to an extreme life situation they were going through.

[–] breadsmasher 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

depends if you follow rules 1 and 2

[–] [email protected] -1 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)
  1. Be attractive
  2. Don't be unattractive

Edit: Apparently some of you have never watched the sketch.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

If you're unattractive all you need to do is be a decent person. Not a "nice guy", but someone who brings something to the relationship. If all you're seeking is a fuck maid, then you better be rich. If you want an actual relationship then become someone that someone would date. It really isn't a hard concept, billions of people have done it. The person I'm with dated models before me.

If you can't even put in the bare minimum in a relationship, then you don't deserve one.

[–] RBWells 2 points 11 months ago

If women can get dates with men online, then men are getting dates online.

But it doesn't really matter what other people's experience is, or what is possible. If you aren't having a good experience, go out in the world, meet people, make friends, you meet people who know other people, you'll find someone compatible but also make friends not just one romantic partner.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] -3 points 11 months ago (2 children)

What is that supposed to mean?

[–] brandon 13 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Phrasing matters. Men are adults girls are children. That may not be your intention but try to be mindful in how you interact with others and you may have more success with relationships.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

Thanks for the heads up, fixed it.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

And yet no one has a problem with “What’s up boys?” or “Going to hang out with the girls.”

Maybe you guys should just stop looking for things to get offended by.

[–] brandon 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

You’re free to refer to your friends however you like, that’s the business of you and your friends.

Referring to “men” and subsequently “girls” in a general sense is very much a patriarchal view, implies women are inferior, and generally not respectful. I’m sure that’s not what was intended but it’s those sort of things that can rub people the wrong way, especially as a first impression.

[–] jeffw 7 points 11 months ago

Even if it’s not the intent, it’s still reflective of the underlying issue you’re getting at

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

Talking about men wanting to have "relationships" with girls carries the connotation that the men are much older, to the point of being creepy, or even that the girls are underage.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

This isn't an opinion, it's just factually incorrect.

[–] charolastra 0 points 11 months ago

The only 'boys' who find it "impossible" to get girls are incels and other generic pervs; this is on account of how psychologically warped they are. They've done it to themselves. It's got virtually nothing to do with looks. Who wants to be with a person that thinks like that? Common fucking sense.