I'll let you, OP borrow my brain anyday if you'd like to experience what it's like to live always expecting things to go wrong.
this post was submitted on 02 Jan 2024
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TIL neurotypicals literally just go about their day and work life just assuming everything will go right
Yeah, it's so alien to me. I'm envious, though, must feel nice.
We really don't
I'm nothing if not ~~non-neurotypical~~ neurodivergent haha.
TIL neurodivergents think neurotypicals are neuroperfect. You're an idiot.
That is not what I have observed. I do kinda wonder sometimes however
Me: right so we said we would be there by 630. If we leave within the next five minutes we should be there at 6:25
Wife: it's fine
Me: just you know we could leave now and no one has to have any anxiety about being late.
Wife: they aren't going to care
Me: true they won't really care that much but we did say 6:30. Wouldn't it be nice to not be worried? Like what if we make a wrong turn and have to double back? We would still be on time if we left now.
Right??? Like wtf I thought everyone just thought about how everything could go wrong all the time. You mean people do things and expect to succeed instead of expect to fail??? This is legitimately wild to me.
i don't expect things anymore, it goes how it goes. if it doesn't go how it's supposed to go, i'll see if i can fix it.
I wish I could do that. Currently I'm trying to start a bussines, but my mind just keeps coming up with the most unlikely terrible scenarios that might happen and convincing me to never try anything new so that I can't fuck it up.
My whole life is inversion thinking and I’m depressed 🙃
Right? Inversion thinking just sounds like a fancy way of saying anxiety.
Yeah I don’t have to consciously do it. I have to consciously think of the positives.
That's exactly what it is. Most people are hard wired to do this automatically.
The definition given is almost word for word the definition of an engineering mindset, regardless of field.
I'd say it's not a bad way to think about your life as well, as long as you limit the scope to things you realistically have the ability to impact and focus most of your energy on the actual problem solving.
I am getting so jaded with engineering these days. The engineering mindset seems to be to stifle all innovation and have endless meetings.
Maybe inverse thinking for you could be tempering all that with what might go right and leveraging that as a way to honor both the negative and positive capabillities of your mind.
You're telling me you couldn't literally just reverse whatever your pessimistic insights were as a thought experiment and find a way to take both into consideration to inform your final approch or strategy for whatever is at issue?
The best way I've come across to illustrate this is
- Hope/ideate for the best but plan or mitigate the worst
- How could this go wrong; tell me where I'm going to die so I can avoid thar
The problem with anxiety and experiencing this inversion thinking is that it is a constant bombardment of everything that can go wrong. Combined with PTSD/CPTSD, the brain is in constant “danger mode”, looks for all kinds of dangers, not just the ones we have control over. It is a terrifying way to go through life. I’ve been in therapy for years and yes, countering with what can go right is one of the coping techniques, but it takes extreme effort. Constant effort over years and years to change these thinking patterns, to lessen the anxiety of what can go wrong to the point that it is actually useful again. Until then, the brain rapidly rejects thoughts of what can go right, because it is so strongly convinced that things will go wrong.
The goal is what you are saying, yes. But for a lot of us it takes completely rewiring our brains to escape the constant bombardment of thoughts of danger, to avoid the fear and anxiety. It isnt as easy as just flipping it around.
This is similar to the advice people give to depressed people about looking for positives in life, sure thats true and will help eventually, but there is so much more work that needs to be done when the brain is in a really bad place. It doesnt really help to say “just think of the bright side!”
I'm emphatically stating I had and still have all that, I frequently gloom/doom and think I'm going to fail massively and it rarely happens at all or even close to that extent. And then there's a little bit of relief which may be addictive.
Like, what I'm suggesting is for a time to write out all your doom and panic projections for whatever is at issue and literally reverse them and see if that can help leverage you out of that pattern once you've paid sufficient attention to the risk/that which comes most immediately and natural.
I'm not necessarily saying you have to immediately mentally rewire yet (thats a process), but simply turn whatever first comes up on its head and see where that takes you conceptually
Inversion thinking also works the other way around. If you see negatives most of the time (which is a strong suit by itself, but the pitfall is that you don't dare to take any risk), it can help to sometimes consciously think "What if it goes right?"
So invert it ;)
Seriously, its a good thing you can access that side of the thought process, you may just need to consciously do the opposite as a daily practice to even things out. I habitually assume the worst and I enjoy being proven wrong because it means it worked out well but I might not always get so lucky so im glad the other part's got me covered
-1 * -1 == 1
Don't fuck your future self.
Putting something away? Better make sure it's not just the most convenient spot for you right now but somewhere future you can find it. Should I finish this family sized bag of chips? I'm really not hungry anymore and will want some another day this week. Save some for future you.
Just little things to help yourself along and think a few steps ahead.
**YESS!!**Particularly important for us AD(H)D folks, its mean to future you to be a lazy jerk all the time
For sure, helps promote mindfulness of decisions without being anxiety inducing planning.
We create narratives bout everything we experience. If I am upset and getting worked up, why am I telling myself a story that makes me upset? When you realize your feelings are based on the story you're telling yourself, it's easier to create a different narrative, or at least separate your feelings from reality.
Like that Buddhist teaching of there being two pains: the actual pain of an arrow striking you, and the pain that arises by your reactions to the arrow. You can't control the first pain, but you have some control over the second.
You mean the terror I get from not knowing what is going to happen so I over plan and over estimate everything I'll need is healthy? TIL
When something bad happens to me, something that might make me angry or irritated, I say out loud or to myself in faux anger "This is the worst thing thats ever happened to anybody!"
Helps me to put in perspective the trivialities on my own misfortune, to laugh, and to move on, rather than brooding.
When Im having an acute bad time, mentally, normally due to nebulous worries about things or panic-thinking trapped without action or decision, the grounding exercise helps me. Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.
Writing in a diary has helped me immensely. People been telling me all my life to do it, but I always found it hard, until I found a tiny pocet book and .05mm pigment pen that I could write really small with. Small writing is my own encryption against other people seen what I wrote, its damn near impossible for me to read it back without a magnifying glass, and the small pocketbook can be carried around anywhere.
Everything is relative. It's some kind of joke I forgot some names, but it is basically Jesus Christ, Gandhi, Julius Caesar and Einstein in heaven talking. Caesar argues that everything is war. Jesus that everything is love. Gandhi that everything is peace. And Einstein finally says that everything is relative.
It's good to always keep in mind that everything is relative, that it depends on the point of view of the observer. Some things can be viewed differently depending on the point of view.
Another one is from kotor 2 : apathy is death.
Think of three things for which you are grateful every day. I've been trying to get back into this mode after I'd used it for years and fell off. Example:
- Got to have a nice dinner party with friends on NYE
- Kitty has become a lot less anxious around strangers
- Though it'll rain later today, it won't be raining when I go to work
Do they need to be unique/new or can you recycle?
Can recycle (glad I don't have to go out in the rain is true any time it's gonna rain), but I try to keep them unique. I also try not to focus on things related to commercialism. For example, I might be glad I got to go to a live show (an event) but I don't list something like being happy about being able to buy a thing (especially luxury goods). But I can be happy that I have a thing that makes my life easier in a concrete way (that new toothbrush really kicks ass). I go for small things most of all, the ones that otherwise might be taken for granted. Hope that makes sense the way I wrote it.