this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2024

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Why would your best friend or someoneyou mutually considered a good friend suddenly ghost you? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) by cheese_greater to c/asklemmy

71 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Is there a way to figure out if they blocked youon Signal if you can still technically message them?

~~Edit: he seems to have blocked me or hasn't used Signal since a single emphatically non-controversial/non-hurtful comment so he either blocked me or hasn't opened Signal for >month. He's not responding to anything else either so he's either depressed or blocked+done with me.~~

Edit: I'll know when it comes birthday time. I'm not a Bridezilla about birthdays but it would be unusual for him to not wish me one. He's never not done so. I'll have my answer when that happens 🙏 (namaste) If he wants to be a dick about it and leave me in the dark totally those days are fortunatley numbered :/

Edit: we're white and very (North)-American.

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[–] afraid_of_zombies 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

You know sometimes it has nothing to do with you. Some people's first instinct when things go wrong is to limit the number of people they deal with. Heck I will admit it, I broke up with a girl a long long time ago just because I didn't have the emotional bandwidth to have a girlfriend and deal with everything else.

If someone wants space from you let them have it. Don't creep don't force yourself on them and don't take it personally.

[–] cheese_greater 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I'm just emotionally detaching from it. He felt that was necessary for him so I fee it necessary to limit my exposure to folks who do that kinda thing. I don't allow people to play tiddlywinks with my emotions and friendship like that so in my way, I'm grateful he finally confirmed his cowardice and flakiness (i know, unemotional, amirite? Work in progress ;)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I would say that there can be many reasons for a persons absence in you life. But in this absence we can also see our own fears.

I am literally slightly ignoring someone whose uncanny birthdy is today. A person from the comments said it. some people reduce their circle when it gets tough. For me, i find it hard to be person right now. Every single day is the make or break of my life. Massive debt, constant house of cards feeling.

I recieved a message, she said it's her birthday. I look at my personal calender, i reply, yes it is, what you want me to do about it.

I was rude. I know that someone really cares and it's her birthday even, why not just be nice?

Then again if someone is willin to force quit a friend just because they are absent is just having trust issues. And as someone who is still my best friend to this day once said. "you don't just throw this away."

[–] cheese_greater 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I honestly hate when people try to nudge you into recognizing their birthday. Its like "we can't upset the Beavis" and its like, fuck off. If I feel close to you and you're in my program, I'll prolly get around to it assuming you haven't ruined it by soliciting.

People who do that get a wish at 11:59pm lol and next time they do it I stop completely because they got it covered for me so well :) People who obsess about dates like that are an enormous turnoff to me, whether its family or friendz

U took away your own upvote eh 😇

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

that is always my instinctual reaction too and why i was harsh in my reply to her, however i recognise it is much more complicated than that.

again why someone tries to remind you of their birthday can be because of many reasons. Maybe it is a male, and you are the only person that remembered it last year and accidentally he let fear take a hold of the keyboard. Maybe it is someone that is always used to getting best wishes and let audacity take hold of their keyboard.

It is spoken expectations that sour a relationship, but fulfilling unspoken expectations is a the relationship.

when you expect people to not break contact you might not be compatible with people who expect that they can come and leave.

But it is okay to have different types of expectations for different people.

It is okay to adapt to someone elses unspoken terms somtimes, you will find that many beautifull people can be very hard to communicate with.

[+] cheese_greater 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

[deleted]

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

"Nobody is entitled to your words or actions or time". I ofcourse do not know the full context but that sounds like the porogative of the person the main post is about.

When marching to a just victory be aware of the trail you leave.

I have force quite relationships by pressing x goodbye and i have stopped talking to people. I only regret the force quit cuz i also coulda just not talked to him for a while and he could return someday.then there wouldn't even be any stress.

there are times and places for people also tries to convey die or nothing mentalities may close doors, only to satisfy the need to be recognised.

[–] cheese_greater 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

What I mean is wishing someone a happy _____ is a courtesy we do for each other. I dont consider it something anybody is entitled to or to throw a huge fit if someone doesn't fall in line or reaches out "too late" or whatever. Its never an excuse to be a Bridezilla and people who want to act like that, I simply don't want to be around. Its a very useful heuristic honestly.

We've never had this issue. He wished on mine, I wished on his. End of story. It just happens to be useful because he always has done so which means its a useful indication for what the situation is. If he doesn't reach out, thats the first time ever so thwt tells me this isn't likely a fluke but that he blocked me, he means for me to not be able to contact him, and I have one less birthday + fake friend to need to attend to. Its honestly just as well, I don't want flaky people like that who can't even let you know how they feel and give everyone closure.