this post was submitted on 14 Dec 2023

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How do you deal with two people who you are close to and have to spend every day with...but one of them hates the other one? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 1 year ago by dingus to c/asklemmy

27 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I apologize if this isn't allowed, but I wasn't sure exactly where to put it. Just let me know if it's inappropriate and I'll delete. Thanks.

I'm a loner, so my life is basically just work and the internet. Two of my coworkers are among my favorite people in the whole world, but one of them doesn't like the other one and will complain to me about how they don't like them.

We work incredibly closely together...only a few feet apart for hours on end. Our job also necessitates that we frequently communicate with one another. In the beginning, I absolutely loved it and there was no conflict.

Now, I often get my one coworker complaining to me that the other is lazy. And I'm not going to lie, the "lazy" one definitely takes more breaks than everyone and doesn't at all work as hard as the others. But that doesn't really bother me because she's a super incredibly nice and friendly person.

But over time it has bothered my hardworking coworker more and more and driven a wedge into what I would have once considered to be a friendship between the 3 of us.

It never gets to the point where there is yelling or arguments or anything, but it absolutely ruins the mood and then I hear about it later.

I interact with these people for hours on end every single day and I'm just not sure how to handle it. I've been struggling to know how to deal with it for months now.

To top it all off it gives me endless paranoia that the hardworking coworker secretly resents me and hates me too. This stuff never used to happen before, but know I feel like it's all that happens.

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[–] dingus 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

When you take yourself out of the equation, I'd put money on them working it out.

Doubtful. The hardworking one doesn't confront people when she has an issue with something. I'm not really purposefully "in the equation" to begin with though. I just exist in the space where it's happening.

You guys are in bad habits.

Sorry, what do you mean by this?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I also edited that post, but

The hardworking one doesn’t confront people when she has an issue with something

There isn't much you can do with that except be kind and clear that you're not going to either and you like them both so you don't want to hear about the other.

Sorry, what do you mean by this?

Bad habits would be,

hard working has expectations that everyone will work the same way (bad habit)
less hard working does their own thing and no one talks to them
hard working complains to you about less hard working (bad habit) and you don't shut it down (bad habit)
less hard working has no idea of what's going on and you probably treat them different because you don't know what to do. Your freezing (not a bad habit but something that can be adjusted to fit the situation)

[–] dingus 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Well I appreciate you very much for the advice.

Unfortunately, it turns out that one of them just quit so this whole post is moot now. If only I had waited a few days to post then all of this wouldn't be necessary.

I'm also sad to lose one of the people I care about.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Yw, that's too bad, I hope you still like work.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

You may think you’re “just receiving” info when you listen, but listening is an active thing. You are sending signals when you listen, and you have the ability to shut down the words coming your way.

You are participating whether you chose to or not. By being a receptive audience to the message, you’re cultivating the message. In this case the message is “Hey let’s have a negativity party”.