this post was submitted on 31 Jan 2025
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Alternatively, you don't want to get busted for destruction of federal property:
https://www.autozone.com/tire-repair-and-tire-wheel/tire-valve-stem-core-remover-tool
These can be found as cheap as maybe $1, and by just removing the cap, you can simply unscrew the valve stem and walk away, replacing the cap. It does no long term or meaningful damage to the vehicle (unless they drive on the flats), and you can easily attach it to a key chain so you always have one with you.
I mean. If you think you couldn't be successfully prosecuted for smudging the paint intentionally, that's pretty naive. If the current admin wants to make an example of people caught fucking with ICE vehicles, your advice here isn't gonna make a meaningful difference. But I agree that this is a clever way to accomplish the goal without actual damage.
Oh 100%. I'm not going with this method primarily because I don't think I'm going to get prosecuted. The plausible defense is just a co-benefit. These fuckers would probably trying and prosecute if you even look at their rig.
No the valve stem remover approach is superior for several reasons.
First, foremost, it affords an attack of opportunity. Just throw this fucker on your key-ring. You do not need to plan shit. You aren't carrying something that could in anyway be construed as anything other than what it is. Its about as damning as having a bottle opener on your key ring and some one accusing you of drink driving because of it. You never know when inspiration and opportunity are going to take to the dance floor. Fortune favors the prepared mind.
Second, and almost as important as the first. Its subtle. I don't even need to take the whole core out. I can just loosen it a bit so it creates and almost inaudible leak. So what if it takes 10-20 minutes to fully deflate? Even better. I'm long, long gone by the time that its even noticeable. There is another below about using a knife or slashing a tire wall. Which is like, fine, but thats gonna be loud, its gonna be immediate, and its gonna be obvious. You aren't going to get two of that job done. And the valve stem puller? I can do it again. And again and again.
Well hell yeah and not naive at all, cheers!
You can always lentil-bean them too!
Alternatively, if you don't care about committing crime, slash the side walls instead. This is not repairable and much more expensive to replace a tire than a valve stem.
Stabbing the tyre itself is a gamble in terms of safety. Worst case the tyre basically explodes at you. cutting the stem doesn't risk the tyre zippering from a failure point, and is definitely the preferred method.
Feel free to stab and slice the sidewall once the pressure is released if you want to make the repair as expensive as possible
Its also potentially slower, and definitely louder. I've never tried to bust through the side wall of a tire, but I'm gonna bet that even the side wall material is as tough as.. well.. a tire.
To get around that you might consider a bit of engineering. Tires effectively "pull" the road beneath them. If there is anything between the tire and the ground, it gets pulled first until the ground is met
A simple piece of bent metal cut into a 90 degree bend, with a rugged metal hook on one side, could easily be wedged between the tire and the ground in such a way, such that when the vehicle is being put into motion again, the forward rotation of the tire "drags" the metal spur into, and across the side wall of the tire. Basically bend the metal to a 90, cut a hook into one side, and wedge it in parallel. Once they roll out, the wheel pulls the hook across the side wall using the force of the transmission, and you can be very far away.
Obviously this would take more work, foresight, and maybe a bit of engineering and testing, but its worth keeping in mind.
At the end of the day however, its almost trivial to throw a $2 tool onto a key chain you are already carrying.
Speaking from experience a sharp knife will get the job done. Or a sharp punch and a hammer if you don't have the arm strength to get a knife through the sidewall.
Also, just a side note it was funny you mentioned a bent piece of metal with a hook on one side. I was on a road trip with my family as a teenager when we hit something that took out 2 of our tires, one on my aunt's car who was following us and about a dozen other cars. We were stuck so I ended up changing probably 5-6 tires for other people while we waited for a tow. While I was at it a dude pulled up and was like "Want to see what you hit?" and had almost exactly what you described in the back of his pickup. So... yea very effective lol.
How loud? The loudness to me is the biggest concern.
Depends on a number of things like how much air pressure, how big the hole is, shape of the hole etc. I would say generally quieter than pulling the valve core.
Depending on the tire pressure? If it's above 30, it's going to be loud enough to be heard if someone is within a hundred feet. If they're inside a building, you'd probably be mistaken for something else going on in the building. A knife into a 40 PSI tire is enough to make your ears ring for a second or two.
I think the SUVs they'd be using are going to be somewhere in the realm of 35-50. Tahoes were around 38-40 when I drove one.
I like the thought process but I still feel like those motherfuckers would get you for destruction of federal property if you got caught doing this.
Yeah and a not insignificant chance of them shooting you.
Always choose the right tools for your project.