this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2024
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[–] NegativeLookBehind 114 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (11 children)

I sneezed at an angle this morning and fucked my back up. Also, why the fuck does a large portion of my body and weight sit atop a single column of bones precariously cushioned by jelly and rubbery bits? And if said jelly/rubbery bits get squeezed a bit too hard, the bones smash nerves that control my fucking extremities?

Nature really fucked us.

[–] [email protected] 97 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Ah, see the warranty only covers you until you procreate.

From that point on, who cares if your body evolved to crumble into dust immediately after?

In fact kind of a lot of creatures literally die right after creating offspring.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 month ago (1 children)

So you're saying that so long as I don't have kids I can live as recklessly as I like and claim the damage on warranty?

[–] [email protected] 65 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Oh. Nonono. Just until you could have had kids.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Not even when you could responsibility have kids. Honestly, it's all downhill once you're like 12-14.

[–] confusedbytheBasics 8 points 1 month ago

Some really unlucky people peak at 14 but for the vast majority the peak will hit in their early thirties. For those who prioritize sleep, play, and socializing that peak is a plateau until about 50.

[–] Cock_Inspecting_Asexual 26 points 1 month ago

This is why we Asexuals live forever.

Mortal skill issue.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

I think the warranty stretches a little further. You also need to live long enough to ensure your offspring become moderately self sufficient, but anything above 30 is definitely buyer beware

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Wrong, at least in most primates a social web around the child formed from the parents, kin, and fellows is evolutionary advantageous

[–] Boozilla 39 points 1 month ago (2 children)

So many poor "design choices" in human anatomy. (Note, I know there's no intelligent design).

The optic nerve. External testicles. Lack of decent fur. The way some nerves and blood vessels are routed make zero sense. An immune system that often wants to kill you. The list goes on. I'm sure a biologist or medical person could add plenty more. Many animals have some of these traits, too. If some trait or process is just barely good enough, nature will chug along with it for millions of years. Nature is all about some redneck engineering.

[–] Carnelian 35 points 1 month ago (2 children)

External* testicles are legit really cool though, they change their distance from your body to regulate temperature

*they also can and will retract all the way inside your body if it’s cold enough

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sloths and elephants don't seem to have trouble with their internal testes.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

Maybe they regulate better. Just ice your balls so they pop inside then just sloth around so you don't break a sweat and drop your balls

[–] Cock_Inspecting_Asexual 3 points 1 month ago

Wait wtf? Really??

And I thought vaginas were weird...

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Using the same tube for breathing and eating is a classic (I type while choking on my tea)

[–] Boozilla 11 points 1 month ago

Good catch, I forgot that one! And the other classic is having waste excreting plumbing and reproductive plumbing all bunched together.

[–] Semi_Hemi_Demigod 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Anyone who’s routed network cables can tell the spine is rookie work

[–] NegativeLookBehind 10 points 1 month ago

I’ve spent a lot of time under false floors, routing cables in overhead trays, and neatly configuring cables in server racks so nothing gets pinched.

Nature is a fucking amateur.

[–] Whelks_chance 12 points 1 month ago (3 children)

A horrible thought I heard once and can never get out of my mind:

Our bodies originally had horizontal spines and everything hung down from it. Now we hold our spines vertically, but the internals now all hang wrong.

No idea if true (seems like it's simplifying eons of evolution), but it makes me very uncomfortable imagining it.

[–] NegativeLookBehind 9 points 1 month ago

Nature: Bro, it’s fine. All the other animals will think you’re smarter if you stand up straight. You’ll look really cool too, all tall and hairless and shit. Chicks love that stuff.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

I also read that the human baby head is getting bigger while human hip bones are shrinking. Eww...

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

It's not very true. Our bodies work fine for a good long time. It may be the cause of some of the problems we get as we age though

Incidentally I have heard (no idea whether it was folk stories or science) that kids who don't crawl (some roll and drag themselves and learn to walk very early) get bad backs young

Most of the great apes are more or less upright much of the time

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Can't wait for zero-g retirement homes :)

[–] TotalFat 6 points 1 month ago

Used to be horizontal until some weirdo decided they wanted to use front legs to carry their car keys and guns. Imagine doing a wheelie on your motorcycle (not mine!) all the time because you think you can see better that way and don't like SUVs.

[–] danc4498 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I don’t think we were meant to live this long. Science can’t just let us live longer without fixing our shitty bodies.

[–] NegativeLookBehind 12 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Science: Lol fuck you, you’re 62 years old, here’s a Tylenol, go to work. Maybe your overlords will let you rest in 3 years (if you have the money)

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

People since ancient times have lived as long as modern people

More of us make it to the very old ages than twenty thousand years ago, but even back then those who survived childhood had a good chance of making it to old age

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

"Intelligent design" ..... let's install the main components of the central nervous system that connect to every major and minor part of the body inside the main support structure that carries the entire body.

[–] SpruceBringsteen 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm not going to link the same Louie clip for the third time this month, but we're using a clothesline as a flagpole.

[–] TheLowestStone 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I sneezed on the toilet and tweaked something in my hip. It still hurts sometimes.

[–] NegativeLookBehind 3 points 1 month ago

That’s what you get for trying to multitask!

/s

[–] ChocoboRocket 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

The spine seems to be working pretty well for every other vertebrate though 🗿