this post was submitted on 09 Dec 2023
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[–] [email protected] 82 points 11 months ago (3 children)

A rock in your shoe, when you remove it it appears in your other shoe 5 seconds after you start walking again

All your passwords expire once a day

[–] partial_accumen 62 points 11 months ago (2 children)

All your passwords expire once a day

Calm down, Satan.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Password cannot contain a previous password.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Password contains characters used in previous password or attempted password. Choose a new password between 15 and 17 characters using at least one capital letter, one lower case letter, one special character and one of the other sort of special character

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

No, Also they have to rhyme!

[–] Viking_Hippie 0 points 11 months ago
[–] GoFastBoots 36 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Every time you type your password it says it's incorrect no matter how many variations you try, but when you go to change it and type in the new password it says your new password must not match your old password.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I hate when I used the random 128 character pass key generator and it says password previously used. NOOOOOOO!

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago
[–] TheGiantKorean 53 points 11 months ago (6 children)

No matter how much you wipe, there's still poop.

[–] TheBat 27 points 11 months ago
[–] [email protected] 22 points 11 months ago

Butt crayon.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago

That's some true evil.

[–] FangedWyvern42 10 points 11 months ago

I’d fucking jump off a building

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago

It's like wiping a marker

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago

Bidets save the day once again!

[–] The_Eminent_Bon 40 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Perpetually soggy socks. Not wet but a little damp

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Everyone always says damp socks are hell but my feet sweat so much that I don't know the difference anymore

[–] The_Eminent_Bon 2 points 11 months ago
[–] FrostyTheDoo 10 points 11 months ago
[–] TheGiantKorean 9 points 11 months ago

Calm down, Satan

[–] [email protected] 30 points 11 months ago (4 children)

I have atopic dermatitis. I know what’s like having an itch that moves around when you scratch.

[–] TheBat 15 points 11 months ago

dermatitis

Yeah we know they're your titties. We can see them already.

[–] Viking_Hippie 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Well..don't keep us in suspense! Do you love it?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago

Let’s just say the sometimes it requires an Herculean effort to not look like a cartoon monkey in front of people.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Have you tried ditching milk products? I heard it can have an effect on those symptoms. As well as on asthma and allergies. I was plagued by allergies but don't have them anymore. Anecdotal evidence I know but you find a lot of papers regarding this topic.

[–] needthosepylons 1 points 11 months ago

Having the same stuff, I can confirm some days, it can borderline drive me crazy.

[–] TheBat 25 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Traffic signal always turns red when you approach it.

[–] Fredselfish 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

That one I think about if I got three wishes. First one would be always have green lights. More specifically I wish for unlimited luck that includes nothing impending my right of way. Just smooth traffic at all times.

[–] LeafOnTheWind 2 points 11 months ago

If you can wish for anything why not wish for the ability to teleport? Or for there to actually be good public transit...

[–] danekrae 25 points 11 months ago (1 children)

May your butt itch, and your arms be too short.

[–] nifty 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Hmmm, doesn’t work as they can just scratch it against something bear style.

[–] aphonefriend 1 points 11 months ago

But everytime you try to use something else to itch it, you get a splinter instead

[–] [email protected] 22 points 11 months ago

A candy bar that taste so amazing that it haunts your dreams, but you can never find it in a store ever again.

[–] quaddo 21 points 11 months ago

Continually inspired with amazing ideas. But the moment you try to write them down or describe to anyone else, they just fade away.

Like waking up after an amazing dream and trying to remember it long enough to tell anyone else.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 11 months ago (2 children)

God: I'll give them teeth ..... without any instructions on how to maintain them.

[–] edgemaster72 12 points 11 months ago

And put a whole bunch of fleshy bits right next to them, and even though they'll always be in the same relative positions you'll bite the fleshy bits just frequently enough to wonder why the teeth and fleshy bits are in such close proximity and how after X years of existence this is still happening.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 11 months ago (1 children)

We evolved in a world with little sugar, few starchy plants. 15,000 years ago everyone (except those where sugar cane grew) had excellent teeth

In the fossil record bad teeth come at the same time as bread, though it took sugar (especially in fizzy drinks) to make everyone fat and diabetic

I eat carnivore and haven't brushed my teeth in five years and have not had any tooth aches

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

The other white substance that you should watch for that our ancient ancestors never had to deal with is ....

SALT

Like too much sugar ... consuming a substance that was rare to our ancient ancestors is bad for your health ... you might have excellent teeth, but you might keel over with a heart attack or a stroke.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Much of the stuff about salt and heart health is bullshit. It's from a well publicized hypothesis that was never tested

Having said that we don't need much, I don't add salt to the beef which is more than 90% of my diet, I do add a small amount of salt to water after a heavy drinking session, it's good for rehydration, and I don't drink, especially heavily often

When I was on keto I took a lot of salt (which is why I looked up the current scientific position on it) and I can tell you it's pretty difficult to take too much, salt tastes terrible if you have had enough

The thing that increased heart disease: same as everything else, sugar. It prevents use of the circulating fat, which is carried in high density cholesterol. Fatty acids (fats) build up as you eat more fats but cannot burn them because carbohydrates must be burnt first

The HDL cholesterol exceeds its lifespan with nowhere to deliver the fat and breaks up, this increases free fatty acids (with no protective cholesterol cage) and small fragments of the HDL cage, those fragments are the ones that embed in the walls of blood vessels, collect calcium and eventually break off as a calcified clump and blocks something important

[–] EtherWhack 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

A screeching metallic sound or bad smell that only goes away when they are actively looking for it

[–] Kase 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)
[–] AgentGrimstone 11 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Sometimes I get an itch that feels like it's under the skin and I can't scratch it 😭

[–] NegativeInf 7 points 11 months ago

It's the alien tracking implant. Sentient and itchy.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Just press your skin hard and scratch your inner skin against the muscle below.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, that's how you can get an oddly dull but thought-stopping intense pain that's reminiscent of a bad cramp. The sort that feels like something's taking a bite, but from the inside, or like being punched in slow motion but there's no fist to push away and oh boy that smarts for the love of god make it stop.

The intensity fades as quickly as it sets in but you won't want to touch that part of your body for a while afterwards in case you set it off again. In time a bruise may develop, but not always.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago

What? Most people do what I have described, it just helps for the scratching feeling, there's no side effect. I don't know where your imagination took you.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago

May your fingers turn to fish hooks and you get crotch-itch.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago

Dang! Bill Westlake no less! Me and Bill Westlake fist-fought each other in junior high school and again shortly after we'd both graduated from highschool in our shitty northern California ag-town.

We hated each other back then, but I feel nothing but brotherly feels for him now, 30 years later.

I hope you are thriving Bill Westlake. I hope you have done well in life and I feel no animosity toward you whatsoever.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

Your clothes will always have that slightly itchy feeling that makes you wanna move and twitch a little if you remove your clothes, it only gets stronger

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