Mildly Infuriating

I just tell people upfront that I'm not the person for them if they want someone who wants to talk constantly, especially via text. I don't have the energy for it, especially with my current job being so social, and I know I need someone equally independent for there to be any chance of a relationship. Other people like that exist - my ex and I used to spend a ton of time in the same room, gaming or watching movies or whatever, and we'd only talk occasionally. We were content to be with each other but doing our own thing. We didn't work out for other reasons, but that part was always good.

Anyway, I think it's helpful to weed out people ahead of time. Not in a negative way, because a shitty attitude will ruin your chances with most people, but just in the way of, "this is my communication style, looking for someone compatible with that."

Say upfront you have problems communicating. Try meeting with other Autistic people because they already understand your struggle.

I'm old (almost 40) so my advice may not be relevant.

Why is there a long gap between setting up a date and the date?

Why are they cancelling the date?

I generally match with someone, chat briefly to check for red flags and if they can message ok, then ask them out. Once the date is arranged I don't keep texting. There's too many ways to fuck up over text.

I'm autistic and so is my wife. We were friends first, then got talking as we both were dealing with shitty divorces. We've been together 13 years and our relationship just get better and better.

Don't try to get dates using apps. They're for a very specific set of attractive, charismatic, extroverted people. Not neurodiverse people. Some might have luck but nobody I know uses them.

Instead, in my subjective opinion, you should be joining social circles that contain the type of people you wish to date. Hobbies, clubs, sports, dog parks, volunteering, etc etc. All of which might be far outside your comfort zone and if so I apologize and I hope you don't feel insulted. Basically you need to level up your social skills to attract prospective partners.

Of course, I met my wife online first, but it was on a forum, not a dating app. But I hope this helps in some way. Good luck!

EDIT: I didn't date from age 17 to age 25 because I shut myself away. Only once I grew up a bit did I start getting interest from prospective partners.

Hey! Ngl dating apps suck - they are engineered basically to keep people addicted to them, and single.

The best thing to do to find a real interesting person to date is to go do stuff you want to do. Join Meetup groups, school clubs, etc. Just have fun. Live your life. Don't base your happiness on finding a romantic partner - that is looking for an external solution for an internal problem. It doesn't work.

Eventually you will run into someone else interesting. Don't have expectations, just express genuine interest in them. Ask questions. Let them talk. Be open and willing to be vulnerable.

Good luck dude!

I met my fiance on a dating site and what worked for me was after a short communication in the app quickly deciding to meet up or not, but not dragging it out. Where you can see each other without it having to be a texting event. And not even a real big day, just a quick in-person meet up to see if you're compatible, on the since it's hard to tell via text.

The self pity in your last sentence is not going to help your dating chances.

I'm too far out of the dating pool to give to you much advice, but one thing I'll say is don't worry too much about the response time thing.. that was a thing I worried about too, but the reality is if the person really likes you, they won't mind, they'll like hearing from you. Just don't start hounding someone if THEY haven't responded. If someone isn't responding much that's a sign they're probably not as interested as you are, and you might need to let that one slip.

Good luck, it's exhausting sometimes, but try to have fun with it and don't give up!

I never had much luck with online dating, but I had much better luck meeting people in person doing social things.

I feel you bro and I'm not on the spectrum

Tell them you’re busy with work. You’re in meetings all the time and have to turn your phone off. When you get to know them better, you can explain in more detail.

Have you tired any autistic or neurodivergent social and dating apps?

Sorry for your struggles. Have you tried engaging in things you are more comfortable / passionate about? Face to face encounters over a game or band or hobby you love will provide a common interest to connect over. I hope this helps!